(Untitled)

[isaidquirky]

I've been staring at the phone for a good ten minutes, hoping that it'll decide to dial itself, thus absolving me from all responsibility. It seems, unfortunately, that the inanimate object is not inclined to make my life easier. Figures, really

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[bythewillowtree]

I walk over to the phone and lift the receiver. I start to wonder who could be calling. Everyone seems to be around lately, it's a little strange. Just a couple of weeks ago it seemed like we were all avoiding each other.

I guess no one really was. Partially, maybe. But really we were just busy, I think. That's the excuse everyone was using, even me.

"Hello," I say in a quiet voice, still a little absorbed in my thoughts.

[isaidquirky]

At the sound of her voice, I involuntarily take a deep breath and almost choke on nothing. Somehow I hadn't consciously realized that when the phone rings, someone answers it. I especially hadn't realized it might be her.

"W-Willow! Uh, hi. It's me." Yeah, like I call so often that she'd know who "me" is. "I mean, it's Tara." Though I have to admit, it would hurt a lot if she didn't recognize my voice.

"Is this a good time to t-talk? If it's not, I can call back later or something," I start to backtrack, hoping she'll cut me off before I dig myself a verbal hole.

[bythewillowtree]

"Oh! Hi, Tara," I manage to squeak out. Of all the voices I could have heard on the other end of the line, it had to be her. Not that I mind talking to Tara, I just get worried that I'll say something stupid and make a fool out of myself. The squeaky tone is not exactly lessening my fear.

"I'm not doing anything. I mean, this girl just came. Um, Fred. She works with Angel, but Giles is talking to her. I mean, I can talk. Of course, if me is who you wanted to talk to," I take a deep breath, and try hard to keep my mouth shut.

[isaidquirky]

Despite my nervousness, I have to smile at the sheer silliness of our reactions to each other. Hearing her panic helps to calm my own, in some weird kind of way.

I file away Willow's comment about the new girl for later contemplation.

"Yeah, I did want to talk to you. I've, um, already talked to Dawnie about this, since she's, you know, the Summers to consult now. She liked my plan, but I need your opinion too. You might not like it, because it doesn't mean anything would change between us and things might just get harder, but I really think it's what I have to do."

One more deep breath.

"Will, I'd like to move back in. You know, with you guys."

New Reply Thread!

[shattered_magic]

"Hey Phone-thingy. Ring."

Aww, crap, non-magical mindpowers are still a bust. Hmm.

I don't know how to breathe without her. I don't see the pages even when I read them. There's no sun in that sky and I could blot out the moon with this... this black and ugly, shriveled, broken - thing in my heart. All I want is the light from her eyes.

But I don't know how to talk to her anymore. I mean, sure, she was right, in an - a literal sort of way, but - come on, I'm not... I'm not so far gone.

She didn't have to leave me.

I miss you, Tara. Like... like my life's dried up, or-or my heart's gone cold or... or... Hey Tara! Magick-free Willow reporting for kissage ... or smoochies!

Ugh...no spaz. Spaz bad.

Come on, phone... ring.

Please? For me?

It's ringing! Oh hey now... now that's just ...

"...Oh, Tara... it's you. Hi... ummm, wow. I was just thinking about ... a-about my ... exam. My exam - that I have, tomorrow."

I fold my arms across my chest and draw my knees up to my chin. I didn't walk out on you, Tara. "...And ... I

Re: New Reply Thread!

[isaidquirky]

At the first sound of her voice on the line, I momentarily forget how to breathe. Fortunately, her episode of Willow-babble provides me with more than enough time to regain my composure. By the time she's finished, I'm half-smiling at the familiarity of her spazziness.

Her comment about studying gives me pause for a second, wondering if I'm interrupting. There's no turning back now, though, so I plow ahead.

"Yeah, okay, talking first. I can do that."

Deep breath.

"Okay, so I was thinking. And I already talked to Dawnie, 'cause really it's her decision, but I need you to be okay with it too. And, it's just, I'm tired of worrying that I won't be there when I'm needed or that I'm missing something crucial. What I'm saying, I mean, is that I want to move back in. There. With you guys."

Okay. Not the smoothest delivery in history, but I got it out.

"Um...is that okay?"

Re: New Reply Thread!

[shattered_magic]

I- I think I've just been kicked in the teeth. But I don't know... is this what being 'kicked in the teeth' feels like? Cause - ow.

"With us." But not with me.

"Sure..." blinking away the tears before they can fall, I hold my hand up over my mouth and cough away the wobble in my voice. "That would be great. I know that Dawn will, uh, you know love to have you around again, and, -- and--"

I hold the reciever away from my mouth for a moment and bite my lower lip. Stupid eyes! Stupid tears!

Stupid Willow.

"--it will be good --great! --many good things to, y'know, have you here. Y'know, again." Something from downstairs slips, and falls, and crashes, and I seize the opportunity. Rubbing my sleeve across my eyes, I say "Uh-oh, something fell in the kitchen and I should go. And check it out. I'llseeyousoon bye!"

Stupid Willow.

Re: New Reply Thread!

[isaidquirky]

Oh, Willow. She should know by now that she's not very good at hiding her real feelings. I can hear the tremor in her voice from the first words she says, and especially in the emphasis she puts on the plural- "With us."

My heart breaks for the millionth time, hearing in her voice that she knows I don't mean for anything to change between us. I wish I could tell her that we'll fix things, that my moving in will be the first step, but I know it's not necessarily true. There are bigger things than our relationship at hand now.

The abrupt end to her barely-controlled words startles me out of my wishful thinking. I had meant for this to be a real conversation, for us to actually clear the air a bit, but apparently that was too optimistic.

"Will...wait," I try to stop her, not sure if she's actually hung up or not. Thinking that she probably has, I sigh.

"Goodbye again, Will." Why are we always saying that?