a little better right now...but not the best...
Alright, I've cooled off a little from the last entry...I'm sitting next to him now and feeling inadquate...like I don't erally belong here anymore. Have I become his square peg? I wonder if I could just change my name and leave everyone behind me- like something out of a movie. Don't have the money. Don't have the guts.
Couldn't really ever leave david. Break my heart into a million pieces. Shattered.
Is there really anything to talk about with him anymore? The news? The growing threat of hurricane season just 'round the corner and the possibility that one could literally blow us apart? The impending doom of graduate school applications and the ramifications if I leave the city? There's
I feel like I might cry.
I feel like I might tell him that I almost slept with 'him" a few weeks ago. I came so close to throwing it all away and I'm still not so sure as to why. ???
It's like a giant puzzle- "he" has a few pieces and so does david. In a few months, I'm supposed to be going to los angeles with david so he can meet my family. Oh god. Here comes the nausia.
Maybe it's a fear of commitment. Maybe it's my horrific complex---I'm too ugly for David. I'm too fat and too ugly and I hope that I shrink into a tiny tiny tiny girl.
ugh. another rambling entry.
I guess I'm a little too hard on myself.
Well...maybe a little.
He just smiled at me.
He has no idea.
Couldn't really ever leave david. Break my heart into a million pieces. Shattered.
Is there really anything to talk about with him anymore? The news? The growing threat of hurricane season just 'round the corner and the possibility that one could literally blow us apart? The impending doom of graduate school applications and the ramifications if I leave the city? There's
I feel like I might cry.
I feel like I might tell him that I almost slept with 'him" a few weeks ago. I came so close to throwing it all away and I'm still not so sure as to why. ???
It's like a giant puzzle- "he" has a few pieces and so does david. In a few months, I'm supposed to be going to los angeles with david so he can meet my family. Oh god. Here comes the nausia.
Maybe it's a fear of commitment. Maybe it's my horrific complex---I'm too ugly for David. I'm too fat and too ugly and I hope that I shrink into a tiny tiny tiny girl.
ugh. another rambling entry.
I guess I'm a little too hard on myself.
Well...maybe a little.
He just smiled at me.
He has no idea.