[private entry] if i ever leave this world alive
I never thought I'd get upset over something as small as socks. They don't feel clean enough and that makes me angry. Because everything makes me angry. Everything ever. Like how my iPod has a duplicate of the same song, but from under different filenames. Or how I can taste cornbread on my tongue but I haven't eaten any in months.
Or how people make fun of me for carrying around candles. They're not just candles, you assholes. They're people. Do I look like the kind of guy that would just whip out a bunch of homey smell-goods during a fight? No. I'm the kind of guy that has the decency to light a few white candles to help mourn the dead. fucking asshole
Alex wants into the NE's. I want to tell him no way, no how, but the way he's built and the way he has that cunning spark to him tells me that he might actually be able to help us. I'd be able to send Cornwall home for once so he can see his grandmother. Lucas likes him because he's about as high-wired as himself. Training him on protocol is going to be a huge pain in my ass.
I miss my family. I always miss them, but I really miss them now that we've started taking our breaks under the AVF of the Nexus. I keep passing them, keep smelling them, keep hearing them. I hate physical contact but I think I'd give up an entire paycheck just to have my father or my uncle hug me again. I accidentally signed on during the same timespan my younger alternate was online, and I ended up breaking right into a current IM with my Uncle Fish. It's stupidly cliche to say it but talking to him again nearly broke my heart. I want to see my family but I'm 99.9% sure that my dad would chain me to the floor in the basement just to keep me from running off again.
I went home to think tonight. Boise is still pretty cold, but it's warm enough that frost doesn't bite the ground. Dad's old house is still there, or as much of it as there was when the mobies burned the bitch to the ground. I dug up the time capsule he buried there when he was a kid. I found some pretty neat stuff. An old silver ring, some Pokemon foil cards (probably worth a few hundred by now), a picture of him and great-grandad when they went fishing, some arrowheads. Just little things. I'd put them back, but I'm going to play the greed card and take it all. It's my dad's stuff, so by default it should be mine. I'll take care of it all.
wow. This turned out bigger than I wanted it to. oh fucking well
Or how people make fun of me for carrying around candles. They're not just candles, you assholes. They're people. Do I look like the kind of guy that would just whip out a bunch of homey smell-goods during a fight? No. I'm the kind of guy that has the decency to light a few white candles to help mourn the dead. fucking asshole
Alex wants into the NE's. I want to tell him no way, no how, but the way he's built and the way he has that cunning spark to him tells me that he might actually be able to help us. I'd be able to send Cornwall home for once so he can see his grandmother. Lucas likes him because he's about as high-wired as himself. Training him on protocol is going to be a huge pain in my ass.
I miss my family. I always miss them, but I really miss them now that we've started taking our breaks under the AVF of the Nexus. I keep passing them, keep smelling them, keep hearing them. I hate physical contact but I think I'd give up an entire paycheck just to have my father or my uncle hug me again. I accidentally signed on during the same timespan my younger alternate was online, and I ended up breaking right into a current IM with my Uncle Fish. It's stupidly cliche to say it but talking to him again nearly broke my heart. I want to see my family but I'm 99.9% sure that my dad would chain me to the floor in the basement just to keep me from running off again.
I went home to think tonight. Boise is still pretty cold, but it's warm enough that frost doesn't bite the ground. Dad's old house is still there, or as much of it as there was when the mobies burned the bitch to the ground. I dug up the time capsule he buried there when he was a kid. I found some pretty neat stuff. An old silver ring, some Pokemon foil cards (probably worth a few hundred by now), a picture of him and great-grandad when they went fishing, some arrowheads. Just little things. I'd put them back, but I'm going to play the greed card and take it all. It's my dad's stuff, so by default it should be mine. I'll take care of it all.
wow. This turned out bigger than I wanted it to. oh fucking well