Mercy I Cry City
I don't know where to go to find my tribe here. I feel so distant from most people's frame of reference; at least most people's around here. Knowing what I know about what I want out of life and where my path is headed, it seems like I'm not going to find my people again until I hit the road. I realize that DC is definitely not the place for my type to be, but I have to see this through for myself; have to have seen something through before I can move on. I just don't know if I can take a couple more years of this loneliness. Hurts like hell.
I'm like the guy from "Into the Wild" but with an opposite start. He was raised with the structure and responsibility but not the human connection. He sought the wild for it's freedom and it's isolation; I'm seeking the wild to find those others who feel like I do, but I've got to accomplish this one thing before I can cut up my cards without fear or regret. Or maybe I just believe I do. Same result regardless.
It's been so long since I've had a solid group of friends that I'm feeling spastic; desperate actually. I've forgotten how the first part goes and I find myself holding people off out of some irrational fear that I won't like them or they won't like me. I'm also, apparently, coming on too strong when I come on at all. (I'm talking requests for friendship here by the way, not "relationships") Been bottled up so long everything just pours right out of me; starting to get too familiar with the taste of my foot. Catch 22: I've become a neurotic mess due to isolation and I'm now isolated because I'm a neurotic mess. Never used to be, and it wouldn't take much for it all to evaporate. Hell of a hole to be in.
Since you got me here I see you're trying to steal my soul
You're army's trying so very hard to find for me a goal
But where's your quiet pastures where there's time for me to be
Nothing else but what I am that's what you seem scared to see
You cover up your emptiness with brick and noise and rush
Oh I can see and touch you but you don't owe reality much
Have mercy I cry city you're all upon my mind
Sometimes I think you keep forgetting that you don't know me
Mercy I cry city you're all upon my mind
~Incredible String Band - Mercy I Cry City
I'm like the guy from "Into the Wild" but with an opposite start. He was raised with the structure and responsibility but not the human connection. He sought the wild for it's freedom and it's isolation; I'm seeking the wild to find those others who feel like I do, but I've got to accomplish this one thing before I can cut up my cards without fear or regret. Or maybe I just believe I do. Same result regardless.
It's been so long since I've had a solid group of friends that I'm feeling spastic; desperate actually. I've forgotten how the first part goes and I find myself holding people off out of some irrational fear that I won't like them or they won't like me. I'm also, apparently, coming on too strong when I come on at all. (I'm talking requests for friendship here by the way, not "relationships") Been bottled up so long everything just pours right out of me; starting to get too familiar with the taste of my foot. Catch 22: I've become a neurotic mess due to isolation and I'm now isolated because I'm a neurotic mess. Never used to be, and it wouldn't take much for it all to evaporate. Hell of a hole to be in.
Since you got me here I see you're trying to steal my soul
You're army's trying so very hard to find for me a goal
But where's your quiet pastures where there's time for me to be
Nothing else but what I am that's what you seem scared to see
You cover up your emptiness with brick and noise and rush
Oh I can see and touch you but you don't owe reality much
Have mercy I cry city you're all upon my mind
Sometimes I think you keep forgetting that you don't know me
Mercy I cry city you're all upon my mind
~Incredible String Band - Mercy I Cry City