The Dark Side Of Love
Because you cannot solely live in the light-
and the future is moody like a goddess.
Sadness breaks out of me like rain out of a heavy cloud, and floods europe, asia- and the world...
Did I lose?
Did I gain?
I'm not sure.
I repeat every detail all over again and try to wrack my mind to give me that little bit more information I need to let the scale drop on one side- to reach a point where I can find some certainty.
But my memory fails me- or gives all it can, still repeating the things i am already aware of, that confuse me and take away appetite and sleep, smiles and free thoughts.
I linger in a space that is neither here nor there, knowing the next days can bring deepest pain or joy- and even the joy can soon turn into utter sorrow and slit my heart once again. Once more and maybe one time too often to recover from it.
All the little pieces of my soul that took my hearts bleeding stiffness as a clue to lose themselves in distant places...they may come back to me.
Slowly
Silently
One by one
Unnoticed at first.
They WILL come back- wont they?
But already in posing this timid question I know its answer: they will.
They will come back- all of them.
ALL of them- but one.
The part of my soul that I gave away out of free will, gave not with a feeling, nothing as fragile as what is falsely called "love" these days...no: gave with a knowledge.
And seing that I may get hurt- or WILL get hurt, but still reaching out, offering on my naked palm this piece of myself.
I gave it readily- and even if I should be offered to get it back- I would decline.
For only what you give away is truely yours.
Only what you let go can come back.
And only through feeling pain- can you feel joy.