Friday the 13th..*sigh*
Today was the day that I wanted to get married. I thought it would be the perfect day. I had wanted to get married on Friday, February the 13th, 2004. My father just retired, my boyfriend graduated from college in May 2002. I thought that he would have gotten a job right away and that we would get married today at 1:00 in the afternoon (the 13th hour).
Alas...dreams do not come true always. He did do a wonderful thing for me today. He e-mailed me saying that his valentine's day cards arrived today (I mailed 2 of them). In his e-mail, he wrote me this:
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
I'll pretend That I'm kissing
the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you
It's those sweet little things that he does that makes me remember why I stay with him all these years. When he does things like this, I forget that dreams and goals in life have been shattered. I know he loves me, and I love him...but...I don't like having to wait. I wanted to be on my own when my father retired...and I'm still living at home. I know it's my fault. I should have dropped out of college when I ran out of money. I know now that putting tuition and books on credit cards was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I thought that finishing school was more important though...but it wasn't. It was a stupid move. I wish I could go back in time by 10 years and re-do everything. But you can't. I just have to keep trying...90% of my paycheck every other week (I get paid every 2 weeks) goes to credit card bills from college. How am I supposed to live on my own with these bills? I would have more money if I just paid the minimum balances, but I want these bills gone! I want to own a house and they won't give you a mortgage if you owe so much already.
Oh well, enough complaining....I'm just blowing off some steam...
Alas...dreams do not come true always. He did do a wonderful thing for me today. He e-mailed me saying that his valentine's day cards arrived today (I mailed 2 of them). In his e-mail, he wrote me this:
Close your eyes and I'll kiss you,
Tomorrow I'll miss you;
Remember I'll always be true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you.
I'll pretend That I'm kissing
the lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true.
And then while I'm away,
I'll write home every day,
And I'll send all my loving to you
It's those sweet little things that he does that makes me remember why I stay with him all these years. When he does things like this, I forget that dreams and goals in life have been shattered. I know he loves me, and I love him...but...I don't like having to wait. I wanted to be on my own when my father retired...and I'm still living at home. I know it's my fault. I should have dropped out of college when I ran out of money. I know now that putting tuition and books on credit cards was the most stupid thing I've ever done. I thought that finishing school was more important though...but it wasn't. It was a stupid move. I wish I could go back in time by 10 years and re-do everything. But you can't. I just have to keep trying...90% of my paycheck every other week (I get paid every 2 weeks) goes to credit card bills from college. How am I supposed to live on my own with these bills? I would have more money if I just paid the minimum balances, but I want these bills gone! I want to own a house and they won't give you a mortgage if you owe so much already.
Oh well, enough complaining....I'm just blowing off some steam...