These things are my own
So it ends how it began, with myself not in control. You know last time I saw Danyell was new year's eve. and as of today, we haven't spoken in almost a month. So, I don't even feel like I was dumped because she effectively dissolved herself my life. Relatively painless. What a cowardly way to do this to me though, and leave me hanging for so long. I literally wouldn't have known she ended it with me unless I hadn't gotten a friendly text from someone she knows. I don't even feel bad about her getting in that wreck where she broke a bunch of ribs, because i'm pretty sure by the time that happened she had decided she was done with me.
Look what the hell. Girls, hell even my friends, just stop talking to me. They just lose interest. I must be that uneventful. That bad of a lover, that inattentive? I just have to know what I'm doing wrong that makes people either not like me for who I am anymore or cheat on me. I suppose I can't blame them if they find someone more exciting than myself though right?
So every day comes and goes now and I feel an overwhelming sense of not accomplishing anything. It's hard to do things alone. Fucking music. Fuck you musicians. Unreliable bunch of self centered jerk offs.
Fuck I just don't feel right. Years of trying to figure out who I am and I'm no closer. Keep trying out different approaches and ideals and lifestyles and friends and locations and substances....
and I'm just as lost.
In my parents basement. In debt. Alone. My car totalled. My back injured. My friends moved on. My job unfulfilling.
I'll get back to college soon. Or something. Something to make me feel like I have some sort of worth.
With every intention of saying ever single thing on my mind, I won't. No courage. That's going to be one of my constant downfalls actually. My inability to take a risk. Fear of taking a chance to have something I want, always playing it safe and regretting not trying harder. Know what that's probably a big problem with a lot of my relationships.
I let you walk away. I accept defeat. So here I'll stay till I can act upon my revelations. Not that any of these thoughts are new to me. Maybe I felt like if I typed them out, I would be more prone to act upon them. Who am I kidding? Not myself obviously.
I'm fucking Jerry Mcquire. Can't figure out how to be happy alone. Losing the train of thought...
d I don't know what i'm doing
Look what the hell. Girls, hell even my friends, just stop talking to me. They just lose interest. I must be that uneventful. That bad of a lover, that inattentive? I just have to know what I'm doing wrong that makes people either not like me for who I am anymore or cheat on me. I suppose I can't blame them if they find someone more exciting than myself though right?
So every day comes and goes now and I feel an overwhelming sense of not accomplishing anything. It's hard to do things alone. Fucking music. Fuck you musicians. Unreliable bunch of self centered jerk offs.
Fuck I just don't feel right. Years of trying to figure out who I am and I'm no closer. Keep trying out different approaches and ideals and lifestyles and friends and locations and substances....
and I'm just as lost.
In my parents basement. In debt. Alone. My car totalled. My back injured. My friends moved on. My job unfulfilling.
I'll get back to college soon. Or something. Something to make me feel like I have some sort of worth.
With every intention of saying ever single thing on my mind, I won't. No courage. That's going to be one of my constant downfalls actually. My inability to take a risk. Fear of taking a chance to have something I want, always playing it safe and regretting not trying harder. Know what that's probably a big problem with a lot of my relationships.
I let you walk away. I accept defeat. So here I'll stay till I can act upon my revelations. Not that any of these thoughts are new to me. Maybe I felt like if I typed them out, I would be more prone to act upon them. Who am I kidding? Not myself obviously.
I'm fucking Jerry Mcquire. Can't figure out how to be happy alone. Losing the train of thought...
d I don't know what i'm doing