(no subject)
well i went to the sacrosamct again tonite and was in a weird state of confusion for most all of the night. last night kim and i decided to go out to this weekly shindig, however i missed her call tonite. there was no message left on my phone so i thought oh well, i'll call her back. called twice, she wasn't there. 11:30 rolls around and i get a call from ant wondering where the fuck am i and kim hasn't called back or come by. so i decide to leave on my own. i get to raygun and she's already there and apparently having a great time. my first thought is ok, she didn't want to hang out with me at sacrosanct afterall. and that was reinforced by the fact that when i did show up her "great time" went sour. so logically in my mind i felt that maybe my presence there was unwanted by her. i know one day she's going to get sick of me and perhaps today was the day. we talked before she left and it wasn't the greatest conversation. she apparently had a really rough day and i laid my thoughts out on the table. i barely got a hug from her when she left. later as raygun was closing, i asked ant if kim had asked where i was or what not earlier. ant told me she had tried to call a couple of times and was wanting to hang out with me, just none of this ever showed up on my phone. ant, being one of my best friends and incapable of lieing to me, made me realise how much of a fucking idiot i am. so kim(i know you'll read this at work tomorrow nite), i'm sorry and am a total asshole, you should probably hate me to the fullest extent from now on. please forgive me for not believeing you, i'm sorry, but i no you will hate me one day and i'm just keeping my guard up. i'm sorry.