(no subject)
http://notalwaysright.com/
a must read
Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!”
Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.”
Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!”
(At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what’s going on; note that I’m the manager.)
Me: “Is there a problem?”
Customer: “Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!”
Me: “Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don’t have what you’re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check-”
Customer: “F**K THAT!!! IT’S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!”
Me: “That’s it. Get out of my store.”
Customer: “What? NO!”
Me: “Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.”
Customer: “Then do it!”
(I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)
Me: “Now, then… you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?”
Customer: “No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!”
Me: *puts the customer down*
Customer: *confused* “… What is it?”
(I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)
Me: “Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!” *kicks customer out of store and slams door*
(A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.)
Airline employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.”
(The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.)
Girlfriend: “Where are you going?”
Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.”
Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!”
(This caller was a real-life version of the one in How To Open a Book.)
Caller: “Hi, I bought a DVD here earlier today, but I can’t get it out of the case. ”
Me: “Alright, is it a new or pre-owned DVD?”
(Our pre-owned DVDs are all locked with a piece of red plastic that has to be removed before they leave the store.)
Caller: “I don’t know. It was like $7.”
Me: “Well, we have both pre-owned and new movies at that price. Is the case wrapped in plastic?”
Caller: “Well, there’s plastic on it.”
Me: “Alright, so you’ll need to take the plastic off of the case.”
Caller: “That won’t break it?”
Me: “If the case is wrapped in transparent plastic, you are going to need to remove all of that plastic first.”
Caller: “How? I don’t want to break it.”
Me: “Okay. You’ll need to remove the plastic wrap. If you have problems, get a pair of scissors or a knife and use that to cut open the plastic, and then take it off the case.”
Caller: “Okay, but it still won’t open.”
Me: “Are there any stickers covering the sides of the case?”
Caller: “Yes. There’s one on the top. ”
Me: “You’ll need to pull that off.”
Caller: “The case still won’t open, though. I don’t want to break it.”
Me: “Are there any other stickers on the case?”
Caller: “No. Well, there’s one of the left side that looks like the one on the top.”
Me: “Right. You’ll have to remove that. And any other stickers that look like it.”
Caller: “Oh, okay. But it’s still not opening.”
Me: “Any other stickers or plastic wrap?”
Caller: “No!”
Me: “Okay… tell me, what does the case look like?”
Caller: “Well, there’s the side of the case that says the name of the movie and then there’s a black side that looks like the top and bottom.”
Me: “And what side are you trying to open? The black side?”
Caller: “No! The side with the title! Why isn’t it opening?”
Me: “Okay. I want you to put the case down on a table or something. Okay? Now. Put the case face up, like a book, with the front of the case facing you. Okay? Now. Go to the RIGHT side of the case, with the two black pieces of plastic-”
Caller: “Not the left side?”
Me: “No. NOT the left side. The RIGHT side.”
Caller: “So not the side with the title?”
Me: “No. The RIGHT side. Now. Pull the RIGHT side open.”
Caller: “It isn’t working!”
Me: “Are you opening the RIGHT side?”
Caller: “No.”
Me: “Try the RIGHT side.”
Caller: “…Oh. Thanks. They shouldn’t make these so hard to open you know!” *click*
Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart
Pet Store | Jensen Beach, FL, USA
(It’s Halloween, and I’m dressed up as a vampire and wearing a pentacle necklace. The crew is planning on going out after work for a party.)
Me: “Did you find everything you needed tonight?”
Customer: “Yes, thank you. Can I just say that I think it was very nice of them to let you all dress up for tonight? I really like what you have on.”
Me: “Thank you, ma’am.”
Customer: “But don’t you think you took it a little too far?”
Me: “Uh… took what too far?”
Customer: “Well I understand that you’re supposed to be some type of vampire, but don’t you think that necklace is taking it too far?”
Me: “Oh, that. That’s not part of my costume, I always wear that.”
Customer: *loudly* “Well if you want to risk burning in H*** for wearing that devil worshiping symbol, that’s just fine with me… but they shouldn’t be letting you wear that here in a public place!”
Me: *sarcastically* “Well, why shouldn’t they let me wear it? After all, we all practice together and I’m the high priestess. In fact as soon as you leave, we’re gonna close up the store, start a bonfire in the parking lot, and then dance naked around it until dawn.”
Customer, to one of my managers: “Aren’t you going to do anything about what she said to me?”
Manager #1: “Yes, ma’am. As soon as you leave, we’re going to close the store.”
Customer: “THAT’S IT?!”
Manager #2: “Of course not, ma’am. You heard the rest of our… plans.”
(And with the kind of timing that only happens once in a lifetime, a stock boy unwittingly walks out of the back room while taking his uniform shirt off at the same time. The customer practically runs out of the store.)
a must read
Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!”
Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.”
Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY SWITCHING OUT YOUR STOCKS! GET ME THIS HAMMER!”
(At this point, I come to the front of the store, overhearing what’s going on; note that I’m the manager.)
Me: “Is there a problem?”
Customer: “Yes sir! Your employee here is not doing what I tell her to!”
Me: “Well, you need to calm down and understand that we don’t have what you’re looking for. So maybe you should go back to shelves and check-”
Customer: “F**K THAT!!! IT’S NOT THERE, OKAY?! YOU NEED TO F**KING GET ME WHAT I ASK FOR!”
Me: “That’s it. Get out of my store.”
Customer: “What? NO!”
Me: “Sir, get out, or I have to take you out.”
Customer: “Then do it!”
(I go around the counter and approach the customer. I yank him by his collar & drag him to the door.)
Me: “Now, then… you wanna apologize and maybe come back in?”
Customer: “No! I just want my hammer! God, what is this madness?!”
Me: *puts the customer down*
Customer: *confused* “… What is it?”
(I turn back to the cashier, who nods in approval. I then turn back to face the customer.)
Me: “Madness? THIS! IS! SPARTAAAAAAAAA!” *kicks customer out of store and slams door*
(A man and his girlfriend are standing towards the front of the line to board an airplane. I’m a passenger who overhears their conversation.)
Airline employee: “We are now boarding numbers 1 through 30.”
(The man begins to walk away, but his girlfriend stays put.)
Girlfriend: “Where are you going?”
Man: “They called numbers 1 through 30.”
Girlfriend: “But my number is 6!”
(This caller was a real-life version of the one in How To Open a Book.)
Caller: “Hi, I bought a DVD here earlier today, but I can’t get it out of the case. ”
Me: “Alright, is it a new or pre-owned DVD?”
(Our pre-owned DVDs are all locked with a piece of red plastic that has to be removed before they leave the store.)
Caller: “I don’t know. It was like $7.”
Me: “Well, we have both pre-owned and new movies at that price. Is the case wrapped in plastic?”
Caller: “Well, there’s plastic on it.”
Me: “Alright, so you’ll need to take the plastic off of the case.”
Caller: “That won’t break it?”
Me: “If the case is wrapped in transparent plastic, you are going to need to remove all of that plastic first.”
Caller: “How? I don’t want to break it.”
Me: “Okay. You’ll need to remove the plastic wrap. If you have problems, get a pair of scissors or a knife and use that to cut open the plastic, and then take it off the case.”
Caller: “Okay, but it still won’t open.”
Me: “Are there any stickers covering the sides of the case?”
Caller: “Yes. There’s one on the top. ”
Me: “You’ll need to pull that off.”
Caller: “The case still won’t open, though. I don’t want to break it.”
Me: “Are there any other stickers on the case?”
Caller: “No. Well, there’s one of the left side that looks like the one on the top.”
Me: “Right. You’ll have to remove that. And any other stickers that look like it.”
Caller: “Oh, okay. But it’s still not opening.”
Me: “Any other stickers or plastic wrap?”
Caller: “No!”
Me: “Okay… tell me, what does the case look like?”
Caller: “Well, there’s the side of the case that says the name of the movie and then there’s a black side that looks like the top and bottom.”
Me: “And what side are you trying to open? The black side?”
Caller: “No! The side with the title! Why isn’t it opening?”
Me: “Okay. I want you to put the case down on a table or something. Okay? Now. Put the case face up, like a book, with the front of the case facing you. Okay? Now. Go to the RIGHT side of the case, with the two black pieces of plastic-”
Caller: “Not the left side?”
Me: “No. NOT the left side. The RIGHT side.”
Caller: “So not the side with the title?”
Me: “No. The RIGHT side. Now. Pull the RIGHT side open.”
Caller: “It isn’t working!”
Me: “Are you opening the RIGHT side?”
Caller: “No.”
Me: “Try the RIGHT side.”
Caller: “…Oh. Thanks. They shouldn’t make these so hard to open you know!” *click*
Thank You For Shopping At ApocalypseMart
Pet Store | Jensen Beach, FL, USA
(It’s Halloween, and I’m dressed up as a vampire and wearing a pentacle necklace. The crew is planning on going out after work for a party.)
Me: “Did you find everything you needed tonight?”
Customer: “Yes, thank you. Can I just say that I think it was very nice of them to let you all dress up for tonight? I really like what you have on.”
Me: “Thank you, ma’am.”
Customer: “But don’t you think you took it a little too far?”
Me: “Uh… took what too far?”
Customer: “Well I understand that you’re supposed to be some type of vampire, but don’t you think that necklace is taking it too far?”
Me: “Oh, that. That’s not part of my costume, I always wear that.”
Customer: *loudly* “Well if you want to risk burning in H*** for wearing that devil worshiping symbol, that’s just fine with me… but they shouldn’t be letting you wear that here in a public place!”
Me: *sarcastically* “Well, why shouldn’t they let me wear it? After all, we all practice together and I’m the high priestess. In fact as soon as you leave, we’re gonna close up the store, start a bonfire in the parking lot, and then dance naked around it until dawn.”
Customer, to one of my managers: “Aren’t you going to do anything about what she said to me?”
Manager #1: “Yes, ma’am. As soon as you leave, we’re going to close the store.”
Customer: “THAT’S IT?!”
Manager #2: “Of course not, ma’am. You heard the rest of our… plans.”
(And with the kind of timing that only happens once in a lifetime, a stock boy unwittingly walks out of the back room while taking his uniform shirt off at the same time. The customer practically runs out of the store.)