ive been in bed over an hour and i cant go to sleep
i am one of those people who think alot while they r in bed. And tonight is one of those nights that I just cant stop thinking about stuff and its keeping me awake. I keep thinkin about how College just isnt gonna work out for me b/c im to fuckin lazy to get up and go to class. How pissed my mom and dad and patrick are gonna be when I tell them i dropped both of my summer courses and am not going back in the fall. I made a promise that i would go to college if I moved out here. I promised patrick and my mom this b/c they paid for everything. I am so far in debt that I feel like Ill never be able to escape it. I dont make any money out here and the extra money I do get, i spend on food and alcohol. Im going to look for a second job monday and tuesday. A night time one... hopefully some over night stocking somewhere. I need the second ob, and hopefully i can start paying my own bills and start paying off my debt. right now, my own debt, plus the new debt of paying back patrick, my mom, and dad for the money they spent gettin me here and what they have spoent helping me and the college money that I have wasted. It will honestly take me 2 years to pay everything back. Its going to take a year to pay off my debt. Though I really want to go to college, I cant do it unless I have a clear mind. I think to much about working and paying bills, and not having any money to do anything. Maybe one day I will go to college and get a degree and maybe not. Everyone wants to be successful in life and I guess I am just not one of them. I dont plan on having a family. I dont want kids. I think Ima go smoke a cigarette. I honestly think that within the next 6 months i am going to OD on pills and alcohol and I really dont care. Ill just fall asleep and die. If I get a second job btw, I doubt ill be bale to get christmas off, so that rules out going to jax. I dunno anymore whats going on.