girl you might hold your breath until your breathing stops forever
Yea yea yea, go ahead make your remarks.
I know i have not been on LJ for a while that is.
I just haven't felt the need to publicize to the world my current feelings.
But as of late, I feel so stressed.
I'm tired of breathing for the wrong reasons
I'm tired of looking for something
I need to know I'm loved. In other words I'm an attention whore.
I need it, I feed off of it. Attention lets me know im still alive, and that i have friends that I know need me, and that still care. I'm tired of giving so much, and never being appreciated for it. I dont want anything in return but just the simple acknowledgement. I'm sorry for those I haven't spoken to, and I'm sorry it was such a rash end. I'm not excusing myself, but people change. Its part of life. Our likes, wants, desires, everything changes. The more we live in this world controlled by the devil, the more he will try to distract us from the necessary things. In order to not be distracted of those things, certain customs are dropped, certain friends are lost, and certain routines are dismissed. I feel complete lately, but i also feel very unhappy, and it could of been the weather, but sometimes its just the simple fact, that things
are never the way we want it to be, and if they are its not for long. I do miss certain people, and I do wish things had turned out differently. I wish sometimes I couldnt feel, because maybe none of this would matter, and maybe i would be better off alone. But its not like that, I hate being alone, i cant stand being alone and i cant live without certain people in my life. actually i could but it would be hard if they werent in there. I wish i knew exactly what i was feeling or the point im trying to make, but deep inside, i still cant find the answer. I still cant find why i care, why i cant let go, why things happen the way they do, why i am so scared of being alone, why i cant stand it when im not appreciated, or at least let known that im missed, or that i was on someones mind. It may be that i see some people have that and growing up i never had that. and i become jealous and want it to. I need to stop with this maddness because the more i think the more i drive myself insane. One person i do miss however, and i realized today when i saw something of theirs, and then saw something they had given my little brother. I know i have not been there for you, and its hard for me, and im sorry i pushed you away, and I hope you know who you are. I'm sorry for everything ive done, and i know this doesnt mean much, but to me it helps. i miss you. i still love you. i always will. however you knew me for a short period of time, you taught me to be slow at anger, you taught me how to love again, and how to care. you impacted my life, more than i let you know, and i only knew you for a while. I want you to know that i miss you. You are a great person, and dont let that ever change. I dont want this to hurt you, but want it to inform you that i havent thrown aside what youve dont, and i havent forgotten walks to riverbank, or to dunkin donuts, or watching music videos in your room. You are a graceful person, and because of you, i am the person i am today. I love you Jen.
<3
I know i have not been on LJ for a while that is.
I just haven't felt the need to publicize to the world my current feelings.
But as of late, I feel so stressed.
I'm tired of breathing for the wrong reasons
I'm tired of looking for something
I need to know I'm loved. In other words I'm an attention whore.
I need it, I feed off of it. Attention lets me know im still alive, and that i have friends that I know need me, and that still care. I'm tired of giving so much, and never being appreciated for it. I dont want anything in return but just the simple acknowledgement. I'm sorry for those I haven't spoken to, and I'm sorry it was such a rash end. I'm not excusing myself, but people change. Its part of life. Our likes, wants, desires, everything changes. The more we live in this world controlled by the devil, the more he will try to distract us from the necessary things. In order to not be distracted of those things, certain customs are dropped, certain friends are lost, and certain routines are dismissed. I feel complete lately, but i also feel very unhappy, and it could of been the weather, but sometimes its just the simple fact, that things
are never the way we want it to be, and if they are its not for long. I do miss certain people, and I do wish things had turned out differently. I wish sometimes I couldnt feel, because maybe none of this would matter, and maybe i would be better off alone. But its not like that, I hate being alone, i cant stand being alone and i cant live without certain people in my life. actually i could but it would be hard if they werent in there. I wish i knew exactly what i was feeling or the point im trying to make, but deep inside, i still cant find the answer. I still cant find why i care, why i cant let go, why things happen the way they do, why i am so scared of being alone, why i cant stand it when im not appreciated, or at least let known that im missed, or that i was on someones mind. It may be that i see some people have that and growing up i never had that. and i become jealous and want it to. I need to stop with this maddness because the more i think the more i drive myself insane. One person i do miss however, and i realized today when i saw something of theirs, and then saw something they had given my little brother. I know i have not been there for you, and its hard for me, and im sorry i pushed you away, and I hope you know who you are. I'm sorry for everything ive done, and i know this doesnt mean much, but to me it helps. i miss you. i still love you. i always will. however you knew me for a short period of time, you taught me to be slow at anger, you taught me how to love again, and how to care. you impacted my life, more than i let you know, and i only knew you for a while. I want you to know that i miss you. You are a great person, and dont let that ever change. I dont want this to hurt you, but want it to inform you that i havent thrown aside what youve dont, and i havent forgotten walks to riverbank, or to dunkin donuts, or watching music videos in your room. You are a graceful person, and because of you, i am the person i am today. I love you Jen.
<3