Disjointed thoughts on the Sony GDC keynote
Me after watching 2 Sony GDC keynote videos and ranting about them on IRC = probably not nice
LittleBigPlanet
To begin with:
/me watches preview for LittleBigPlanet... might be good if you didn't have to pay a thousand fucking denaros for the machine to run it on
PS. this is going to be pure mint for those who liked the Bayeaux Tapestry generator
It has a rather nice cartoon/medieval look. With soccerballs and oranges.
On Sony touring the features of their consoles constantly:
Me on any Sony PR event whatsoever: GOD SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING CELL PROCESSOR WHO GIVES A SHIT
On Sony coining a really, REALLY redundant definition
Okay, WHAT. Game 3.0?!
Sorry LBP dev team, but you're a bunch of faggots for merely thinking about coining that term
Thy faggotry is so immense that the entire Mardi Gras parade would curb-stomp you
Sony execs playing at being smarty-pants internet men
I HAVE DONE AN INTERNET
You can build your own levels with your own photos
I expect to see level designs based around photos of penises within ten minutes of this thing's launch
Minor clarification
The worst is yet to come. The game will allow photos of YOUR OWN penis, taken with your own digital camera, put on your OWN ps3, to be incorporated into your LBP levels to show the world
/me searches for the Penny Arcade strip on Gabe using the 360 camera to send Tycho pictures of his dong. Or not. I should be working.
On an offhand comment from Phil Harrison, Sony Europe
HAHAHA "Phil's the girl"
He may be tall, dark and shiny bald, but he still wishes to be the little girl
Which also explains why the PS3's getting its Second Life clone
PLAYSTATION HOME: The platform of choice for furries, social rejects and Prokofy Neva
Which leads nicely into:
Playstation Home
technical problems
lol Quality Assurance
First impressions
It looks even more anodyne than that MTV ripoff of Second Life
Making the metaverse out to be what it isn't
"and we can go onto the outdoor deck and look at our friends who are all having a party" WRONG. They are all sitting in front of PS3s, on their couches, picking out cheetos from between their copious man-bosoms while trying to ignore the dog wanting to be fed.
This is where the whole thing falls to bits
/me watches interwebs footage of Phil Harrison's PS Home avatar watching the Spiderman 3 trailer in the PS Home world
Talk about Plato's cave
. o O ( No wonder Baudrillard died yesterday. He probably saw this coming. )
An unreal experience of going to the cinema without human company, without the chewing gum under the seats - the simulation of the act of going to the cinema completely removed from the experience
What the fuck is the point
That's when I gave up.
The book of Ecclesiastes from the Bible starts, more or less, with the words "Meaningless, meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" Most translations use the word "vanity" instead of "meaningless" - PS Home seems to retain the same vanity, only on many more dimensions and on a greater scale than real life. There is no crossover between the human realm and the digital.
Your virtual furniture? Can't sit on it.
Watching movies over the internet with friends? Nothing compared to sitting in a theatre with them, cracking jokes about how silly it is and snuggling up to someone you love.
A virtual party on a virtual sundeck? Sure, not everybody has a virtual sundeck, but at least face-to-face contact has fewer layers between your true self and the true selves of the people you meet. Plus the beer actually gets you wobbly FOR REAL.
Virtual wallpaper on a virtual apartment? Might as well just get yourself a webpage. More people can access it anyway.
A virtual avatar that can be tweaked to perfection, with limitless options? You'd just create the prettiest thing possible or use presets. Nothing that seems truly expressive or reflective of the self; just another pose presented to all the other poseurs out there. You know, sometimes it seems more and more obvious to me that we were made ugly and imperfect for a reason.
A virtual landscape, with virtual trees and virtual concrete illuminated by virtual sunlight that is a rendered circle and owes more to Ptolmey than the sun itself? Go outside. Inhale. Even if the air's not fresh, or is polluted by the odours of vehicle exhaust or dog exhaust, do so; it's still more real and a more satisfying indicator that YOU ARE HERE, YOU ARE ALIVE than the vacuum in Playstation Home world.
I'd be vaguely interested if it allowed you to truly create new spaces, new worlds, as opposed to doing superficial home renovation/furniture shifting. This will give birth to no in-world games apart from what Sony provides; no concerts, apart from what Sony provides; little opportunity for theatre; little opportunity for art or art events, apart from the odd Habbo raid; no opportunity to create a sanctuary for yourself apart from the concept of four walls, a roof and floor. It sounds like an office; they stick people in cubes. To some people that may be adequate, but one day they'll grow too big for it. At least LBP does provide some pretense towards building your own world/s.
Playstation Home sounds like Portable Island, just with other people. Now where's Sartre when you need him for a pithy quote...?
That's the sound of a dead man walking
You might be dead by morning
LittleBigPlanet
To begin with:
/me watches preview for LittleBigPlanet... might be good if you didn't have to pay a thousand fucking denaros for the machine to run it on
PS. this is going to be pure mint for those who liked the Bayeaux Tapestry generator
It has a rather nice cartoon/medieval look. With soccerballs and oranges.
On Sony touring the features of their consoles constantly:
Me on any Sony PR event whatsoever: GOD SHUT UP ABOUT THE FUCKING CELL PROCESSOR WHO GIVES A SHIT
On Sony coining a really, REALLY redundant definition
Okay, WHAT. Game 3.0?!
Sorry LBP dev team, but you're a bunch of faggots for merely thinking about coining that term
Thy faggotry is so immense that the entire Mardi Gras parade would curb-stomp you
Sony execs playing at being smarty-pants internet men
I HAVE DONE AN INTERNET
You can build your own levels with your own photos
I expect to see level designs based around photos of penises within ten minutes of this thing's launch
Minor clarification
The worst is yet to come. The game will allow photos of YOUR OWN penis, taken with your own digital camera, put on your OWN ps3, to be incorporated into your LBP levels to show the world
/me searches for the Penny Arcade strip on Gabe using the 360 camera to send Tycho pictures of his dong. Or not. I should be working.
On an offhand comment from Phil Harrison, Sony Europe
HAHAHA "Phil's the girl"
He may be tall, dark and shiny bald, but he still wishes to be the little girl
Which also explains why the PS3's getting its Second Life clone
PLAYSTATION HOME: The platform of choice for furries, social rejects and Prokofy Neva
Which leads nicely into:
Playstation Home
technical problems
lol Quality Assurance
First impressions
It looks even more anodyne than that MTV ripoff of Second Life
Making the metaverse out to be what it isn't
"and we can go onto the outdoor deck and look at our friends who are all having a party" WRONG. They are all sitting in front of PS3s, on their couches, picking out cheetos from between their copious man-bosoms while trying to ignore the dog wanting to be fed.
This is where the whole thing falls to bits
/me watches interwebs footage of Phil Harrison's PS Home avatar watching the Spiderman 3 trailer in the PS Home world
Talk about Plato's cave
. o O ( No wonder Baudrillard died yesterday. He probably saw this coming. )
An unreal experience of going to the cinema without human company, without the chewing gum under the seats - the simulation of the act of going to the cinema completely removed from the experience
What the fuck is the point
That's when I gave up.
The book of Ecclesiastes from the Bible starts, more or less, with the words "Meaningless, meaningless! Everything is meaningless!" Most translations use the word "vanity" instead of "meaningless" - PS Home seems to retain the same vanity, only on many more dimensions and on a greater scale than real life. There is no crossover between the human realm and the digital.
Your virtual furniture? Can't sit on it.
Watching movies over the internet with friends? Nothing compared to sitting in a theatre with them, cracking jokes about how silly it is and snuggling up to someone you love.
A virtual party on a virtual sundeck? Sure, not everybody has a virtual sundeck, but at least face-to-face contact has fewer layers between your true self and the true selves of the people you meet. Plus the beer actually gets you wobbly FOR REAL.
Virtual wallpaper on a virtual apartment? Might as well just get yourself a webpage. More people can access it anyway.
A virtual avatar that can be tweaked to perfection, with limitless options? You'd just create the prettiest thing possible or use presets. Nothing that seems truly expressive or reflective of the self; just another pose presented to all the other poseurs out there. You know, sometimes it seems more and more obvious to me that we were made ugly and imperfect for a reason.
A virtual landscape, with virtual trees and virtual concrete illuminated by virtual sunlight that is a rendered circle and owes more to Ptolmey than the sun itself? Go outside. Inhale. Even if the air's not fresh, or is polluted by the odours of vehicle exhaust or dog exhaust, do so; it's still more real and a more satisfying indicator that YOU ARE HERE, YOU ARE ALIVE than the vacuum in Playstation Home world.
I'd be vaguely interested if it allowed you to truly create new spaces, new worlds, as opposed to doing superficial home renovation/furniture shifting. This will give birth to no in-world games apart from what Sony provides; no concerts, apart from what Sony provides; little opportunity for theatre; little opportunity for art or art events, apart from the odd Habbo raid; no opportunity to create a sanctuary for yourself apart from the concept of four walls, a roof and floor. It sounds like an office; they stick people in cubes. To some people that may be adequate, but one day they'll grow too big for it. At least LBP does provide some pretense towards building your own world/s.
Playstation Home sounds like Portable Island, just with other people. Now where's Sartre when you need him for a pithy quote...?
That's the sound of a dead man walking
You might be dead by morning