live through this and you won't look back
I often feel as though I am useless at making a connection with someone else due to the presence of others. I think, well, I could definitely impress them connect with them show my true colours if it were not for the fact that this person is distracted by these people. I also know that I often make excuses.
I have come to the conclusion that, no, it is not the fault of others if I cannot click with someone. Propinquity plays a role, sure, but it's not the leading role. It doesn't even have to appear as a supporting character. I realize that, raised as I was to blindly host and tend to the needs of others and ensure their glasses are full, I am suited for crowds. Much as I don't enjoy them, I am suited to groups and classes and clubs. This is because there are those once-blamed other people there, and they are my camouflage. I can connect, easy. Just only for a fleeting moment.
I have decided that this sort of sucks. While I grew up believing it was good to dip into everything a little, jack of all trades style, I knew that this would lead to being a dabbler in everything, master of nothing. I've learned that a lot of things are the same format with different variables. What's better, then? To have a little of everything or all of one? I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that, happy as I clam I am at times, I am unfulfilled. I'm young yet. This is just an off day.
in other news UNI STARTS TOMORROW and they kept telling us about the beer today...
I have come to the conclusion that, no, it is not the fault of others if I cannot click with someone. Propinquity plays a role, sure, but it's not the leading role. It doesn't even have to appear as a supporting character. I realize that, raised as I was to blindly host and tend to the needs of others and ensure their glasses are full, I am suited for crowds. Much as I don't enjoy them, I am suited to groups and classes and clubs. This is because there are those once-blamed other people there, and they are my camouflage. I can connect, easy. Just only for a fleeting moment.
I have decided that this sort of sucks. While I grew up believing it was good to dip into everything a little, jack of all trades style, I knew that this would lead to being a dabbler in everything, master of nothing. I've learned that a lot of things are the same format with different variables. What's better, then? To have a little of everything or all of one? I don't know what the answer is, but I do know that, happy as I clam I am at times, I am unfulfilled. I'm young yet. This is just an off day.
in other news UNI STARTS TOMORROW and they kept telling us about the beer today...