tatoos everything...
So..I'm going to be very candid....
and open up the third wall so to speak.
Dropping a well crafted armor that has protected me
for so long thus far...
I did something that I swore I never would...
and looked up an ex. I'm not sure why I did it...
may be because there seemed to be so much unresolved there...
so many words I wanted to say...and my anger
ha ha ha...my anger, so many times speaks for me with out
permission. So in turn the words in my "heart" are
choked out by the silence. I hate to admit something this
painful, but...
I still love her.
Even after all the pain. I still do.
That same pain that
made me run...that made me shell away so much of myself.
The same pain that made me...
So much of it though, had nothing to do with her
some was very old...and rested so long behind my eyes.
It stole my name.
It hurts because I don't know how to fix it.
I have a deep seated fear of being helpless.
I have such a horrible fear of the things I cannot change.
If that makes sense at all. It probably doesn't.
I...
I'm just glad she's happy. I'm glad she's strong now...
and not hurting. I'm glad she's free.
I want to apologize to her for my part... but I don't know how.
The flood of words drown their intention...there are so many
names....adjectives for the same thing...
Age plays funny tricks with the mind. The ego in the mirror starts to convince you
that you and it are one in the same.
...but in reality its so clear that nothing can be further from the truth.
As i sit here...
i think about the many alternate futures and roads
i've taken...so many journeys in a short life.
The many paths future and pasts stretched out before me...
in entirety...like pixels moving on a dark blurry screen.
The only way to describe it is a profound sense of the sublime
that strips even the most noble dignity.
I guess that I truly never became accustomed to heart ache.
It makes me feel small and insignificant in the grand sense of it all.
The many faceted beautiful tragedy that is love and life.
We're free to dream.
But we are forced to bear its crushing weight.
I've never been the type of person to bear it lightly or understand its awesome strength. I suspect that I never will.
I don't think... I'm meant to bear it.
So Love and I remain strangers merely nodding in passing.
All that remains in me is the strength and will to survive
the many storms that have washed me upon
this very shore.
This very moment.
-the nothing man.
and open up the third wall so to speak.
Dropping a well crafted armor that has protected me
for so long thus far...
I did something that I swore I never would...
and looked up an ex. I'm not sure why I did it...
may be because there seemed to be so much unresolved there...
so many words I wanted to say...and my anger
ha ha ha...my anger, so many times speaks for me with out
permission. So in turn the words in my "heart" are
choked out by the silence. I hate to admit something this
painful, but...
I still love her.
Even after all the pain. I still do.
That same pain that
made me run...that made me shell away so much of myself.
The same pain that made me...
So much of it though, had nothing to do with her
some was very old...and rested so long behind my eyes.
It stole my name.
It hurts because I don't know how to fix it.
I have a deep seated fear of being helpless.
I have such a horrible fear of the things I cannot change.
If that makes sense at all. It probably doesn't.
I...
I'm just glad she's happy. I'm glad she's strong now...
and not hurting. I'm glad she's free.
I want to apologize to her for my part... but I don't know how.
The flood of words drown their intention...there are so many
names....adjectives for the same thing...
Age plays funny tricks with the mind. The ego in the mirror starts to convince you
that you and it are one in the same.
...but in reality its so clear that nothing can be further from the truth.
As i sit here...
i think about the many alternate futures and roads
i've taken...so many journeys in a short life.
The many paths future and pasts stretched out before me...
in entirety...like pixels moving on a dark blurry screen.
The only way to describe it is a profound sense of the sublime
that strips even the most noble dignity.
I guess that I truly never became accustomed to heart ache.
It makes me feel small and insignificant in the grand sense of it all.
The many faceted beautiful tragedy that is love and life.
We're free to dream.
But we are forced to bear its crushing weight.
I've never been the type of person to bear it lightly or understand its awesome strength. I suspect that I never will.
I don't think... I'm meant to bear it.
So Love and I remain strangers merely nodding in passing.
All that remains in me is the strength and will to survive
the many storms that have washed me upon
this very shore.
This very moment.
-the nothing man.