(no subject)
Okay, I know I am going to end up sounding like the mother of all hypocrites, but here goes nothing. Just take it as it is and realize you may not understand exactly who/what I am talking about. To be honest, it's a culmination of a few different situations, some of which involve me, some of which don't . . .
I guess I'm just at the point in my life where I am starting to get bored of the party scene and (gasp!) grow up, but I am really frustrated with people who want to change and vow to change, but instead end up becoming even more ingrained in their destructive patterns. When did they give up on themselves? What made them think that changing wasn't worth it, wasn't possible? It's frustrating because I think I see the good in a lot of people, sometimes so much that I trust them when I shouldn't. I see all this potential and people just throwing themselves away, often at other people's expenses. And I'm not just talking about my own hurt; this applies to many situations. It just sucks how much people can use such a beautiful thing as hope to mess with people's minds.
Along those lines: isn't it weird how people will stay with someone who hurts them? I think it's a mix of insecurity and not wanting to hurt someone like they've been hurt. And, of course, weakness. Never confuse weakness with forgiveness.
So I am a big dork and sometimes write song lyrics (I'd call them poetry, but I know they're not nearly that good - not to mention that I usually have some sort of tune in mind). I wrote these a while back, but they apply really well right now to a lot of these situations:
"See, everything you said was a lie
But somehow, it doesnt matter
Hard to believe, but I didn't cry
And I knew it didn't matter
Oh, rolling on when windows open
Not searching for your pain
I took a glance back
But it didn't really matter
Lies and sins and moving in
Oh, when was it that you just
Gave up on yourself"
Mais la vie est encore belle! I'm starting to pick out who the people are in my life that are worth spending time with and those who aren't. I don't mean to say that some people aren't worthwhile; it's more a case of who can add to my life and vice versa at this point in time. I think, naturally, part of figuring that out comes out of me becoming a stronger person. I'm not quite where I would like to be yet, but I'm moving in the right direction.
That's all. 3AM and time for bed. I started this entry actually at like 11PM, but got sidetracked and such. It feels good to get all this out, though - it's been sitting in my brain for a good month or two. So, take care, wonderful friends! I am excited at the thought of being able to see many of you VERY SOON!
I guess I'm just at the point in my life where I am starting to get bored of the party scene and (gasp!) grow up, but I am really frustrated with people who want to change and vow to change, but instead end up becoming even more ingrained in their destructive patterns. When did they give up on themselves? What made them think that changing wasn't worth it, wasn't possible? It's frustrating because I think I see the good in a lot of people, sometimes so much that I trust them when I shouldn't. I see all this potential and people just throwing themselves away, often at other people's expenses. And I'm not just talking about my own hurt; this applies to many situations. It just sucks how much people can use such a beautiful thing as hope to mess with people's minds.
Along those lines: isn't it weird how people will stay with someone who hurts them? I think it's a mix of insecurity and not wanting to hurt someone like they've been hurt. And, of course, weakness. Never confuse weakness with forgiveness.
So I am a big dork and sometimes write song lyrics (I'd call them poetry, but I know they're not nearly that good - not to mention that I usually have some sort of tune in mind). I wrote these a while back, but they apply really well right now to a lot of these situations:
"See, everything you said was a lie
But somehow, it doesnt matter
Hard to believe, but I didn't cry
And I knew it didn't matter
Oh, rolling on when windows open
Not searching for your pain
I took a glance back
But it didn't really matter
Lies and sins and moving in
Oh, when was it that you just
Gave up on yourself"
Mais la vie est encore belle! I'm starting to pick out who the people are in my life that are worth spending time with and those who aren't. I don't mean to say that some people aren't worthwhile; it's more a case of who can add to my life and vice versa at this point in time. I think, naturally, part of figuring that out comes out of me becoming a stronger person. I'm not quite where I would like to be yet, but I'm moving in the right direction.
That's all. 3AM and time for bed. I started this entry actually at like 11PM, but got sidetracked and such. It feels good to get all this out, though - it's been sitting in my brain for a good month or two. So, take care, wonderful friends! I am excited at the thought of being able to see many of you VERY SOON!