Dear Diary,
I believe I am ready to try to Legilimise Andromeda. My latest visit we were both lucid, incredible, no? I think it is Harry's doing and I wonder if he would be pleased to know it. First, the return of my original wand has been a boon in the lab--yes, I wrote boon, not boom, though I suspect that was the cause of the explosion. I am unaccustomed to how easily certain magics flow through it, or was. I'm adjusting, but I am curious to see if the effect will last. At any rate, I think the restorative I have been making for her is more effective now--though perhaps that is the effect of steady use, too? I would think that it would lose its effectiveness over time, though, as the curse progresses, but sometimes these things work backwards. At any rate, the wand may very well have helped.
And then also he has helped in that the more I look forward to spending time with him, the better I sleep and eat. I remain baffled on the subject of Scarlett for now, but we seem to be holding steady in a state of truce. Some things she said when we last talked make me think the gap in our understanding of each other is even wider than I had suspected. Which makes me even more leery of trying to cross it. If a balance of mutual antipathy is all we can manage, well, I will live with that and hope to maintain at least that. I fear that if I push it will be like the conflagration that wiped out half the lab. So I tread carefully. My goal right now is modest--I am attempting to catch a meal with her at least once every three days.
But Andromeda. I was fed, had slept, and was not an utter basket case when I saw her. I think she finally believes I want to help her. I also suspect she had a letter from my mother, though she would not come out and say so and I would not ask her outright and force her to lie.
I'm also slightly less afraid of what I may see in her head. My own head has been a less than hospitable place sometimes recently, but I find I feel better, not worse, for it. Potter and I have been mucking about trying to pull up memories that relate to the 6th year Potions text, though now that we are both taking Spectumbilica to aid the effort, we are easily distracted.
I thought about some of the horrors of the war I had not dared think on in years. Most of it... quite distressing, even with the distancing effect of the potion. But perhaps it is something like dispelling the boggart in the closet. I have many closets, but I have shone a bit of light into some of them, at least. Some, I can defeat the boggart. Some, I slam the door again and who knows if I will ever have the strength for them.
And then also he has helped in that the more I look forward to spending time with him, the better I sleep and eat. I remain baffled on the subject of Scarlett for now, but we seem to be holding steady in a state of truce. Some things she said when we last talked make me think the gap in our understanding of each other is even wider than I had suspected. Which makes me even more leery of trying to cross it. If a balance of mutual antipathy is all we can manage, well, I will live with that and hope to maintain at least that. I fear that if I push it will be like the conflagration that wiped out half the lab. So I tread carefully. My goal right now is modest--I am attempting to catch a meal with her at least once every three days.
But Andromeda. I was fed, had slept, and was not an utter basket case when I saw her. I think she finally believes I want to help her. I also suspect she had a letter from my mother, though she would not come out and say so and I would not ask her outright and force her to lie.
I'm also slightly less afraid of what I may see in her head. My own head has been a less than hospitable place sometimes recently, but I find I feel better, not worse, for it. Potter and I have been mucking about trying to pull up memories that relate to the 6th year Potions text, though now that we are both taking Spectumbilica to aid the effort, we are easily distracted.
I thought about some of the horrors of the war I had not dared think on in years. Most of it... quite distressing, even with the distancing effect of the potion. But perhaps it is something like dispelling the boggart in the closet. I have many closets, but I have shone a bit of light into some of them, at least. Some, I can defeat the boggart. Some, I slam the door again and who knows if I will ever have the strength for them.