Shutupshutupshutup
I hate cowards.
If you have an issue with me, say it. Don't tell mutual friends how much you hate me and wish I weren't around. Don't act like everything has always been okay to the closest person to both of us and then spend your time bitching about me to everyone else. There is never an excuse for me finding out after 3 1/2 years that you've been pretending all this time to be my friend. Sure, we've never been close, nor ever would be, but I dealt with so much unneeded drama and bullshit that was never my issue to take on so as to keep your super-sensitive feelings from being hurt. How dare you. This is not okay, and worse, there is nothing I can do about it short of having a knock-down drag out fight or to drag in others into this facade you've created.
So the best I can do is ignore. Which is really really hard when I don't want to listen to your dribble or allow you into my house ever again. But as it is not just my place, I cannot impose my feelings on Adrian. He'll deal with this as needed. But I'm not okay.
I know I can be a terribly destructive and annoying person. Admittedly I am barely a good friend to anyone and I am always amazed by the people that I do manage to keep around me. I get angry easily, I get irrational, I say everything that should never be said. I'm paranoid, I drink too much, I speak too much and I don't apologize well when I should. But for fucks sake I know my faults and I don't pretend they are anything but that. If you dislike me for them, let me know and I can see what I can do to improve. Despite how I come across, I have no illusions of my own grandeur.
--
On a side note, while I can totally understand the need for a guys night of poker and drinking, it is lonely when you're the only girl. I gave up playing poker with these guys a long time ago when I realized I was the only one who ever thought it was a game and not a cutthroat battle disguised as fun. But sitting upstairs by myself was not really in my game plan for the evening. But watching and not participating is not either.
--
Michael, last night was an enormous amount of fun. Thank you so much. And the turkey was beyond incredible. Kudos. And thanks for letting me know where things stood so I no longer make an ass out of myself pretending things are different. That counts so much more to me than I can ever explain. Hooray for real friends.
If you have an issue with me, say it. Don't tell mutual friends how much you hate me and wish I weren't around. Don't act like everything has always been okay to the closest person to both of us and then spend your time bitching about me to everyone else. There is never an excuse for me finding out after 3 1/2 years that you've been pretending all this time to be my friend. Sure, we've never been close, nor ever would be, but I dealt with so much unneeded drama and bullshit that was never my issue to take on so as to keep your super-sensitive feelings from being hurt. How dare you. This is not okay, and worse, there is nothing I can do about it short of having a knock-down drag out fight or to drag in others into this facade you've created.
So the best I can do is ignore. Which is really really hard when I don't want to listen to your dribble or allow you into my house ever again. But as it is not just my place, I cannot impose my feelings on Adrian. He'll deal with this as needed. But I'm not okay.
I know I can be a terribly destructive and annoying person. Admittedly I am barely a good friend to anyone and I am always amazed by the people that I do manage to keep around me. I get angry easily, I get irrational, I say everything that should never be said. I'm paranoid, I drink too much, I speak too much and I don't apologize well when I should. But for fucks sake I know my faults and I don't pretend they are anything but that. If you dislike me for them, let me know and I can see what I can do to improve. Despite how I come across, I have no illusions of my own grandeur.
--
On a side note, while I can totally understand the need for a guys night of poker and drinking, it is lonely when you're the only girl. I gave up playing poker with these guys a long time ago when I realized I was the only one who ever thought it was a game and not a cutthroat battle disguised as fun. But sitting upstairs by myself was not really in my game plan for the evening. But watching and not participating is not either.
--
Michael, last night was an enormous amount of fun. Thank you so much. And the turkey was beyond incredible. Kudos. And thanks for letting me know where things stood so I no longer make an ass out of myself pretending things are different. That counts so much more to me than I can ever explain. Hooray for real friends.