Seinfeld Quotes
Here are some of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite episodes.
CARRIE:Thank you for a wonderful time George.
GEORGE: Glad you enjoyed it.
CARRIE:I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time.
GEORGE: … millions and millions …
CARRIE:Would you like to come up?
GEORGE: [pause] Would I like to come up? I would love to come up. I, I'm fighting not
to. Fighting! Unfortunately I uh have to get an early start tomorrow. Gotta' get up
and hit that pavement
CARRIE:But it's Saturday. all the offices are closed.
GEORGE: I got me an appointment with a hardware store. I'm not saying I want to do it
for the rest of my life, but, uh, hardware fascinates me. Don't you love to make a
key?
KRAMER: What's going on?
JERRY: Keith Hernandez just asked me to help him move.
KRAMER: What? Well, you hardly know the guy…. What a nerve. You see wasn't I
right about this guy? Didn't I tell you? Now, you're not going to do it are you?
JERRY: … I said yes.
KRAMER: YOU SAID YES!? Don't you have any pride or self respect? I mean, how
can you prostitute yourself like this? I mean what are you going to do? You're going
to start driving him to the airport?
JERRY: I'm NOT DRIVING HIM TO THE AIRPORT! ..
KRAMER: yeah yeah
JERRY: hey Kramer do me a favour .
KRAMER: What?
JERRY: Don't mention it to anybody.
KRAMER: I wish you never mentioned it to ME.
GEORGE: You know what I would like to do? I would really like to have sex with a tall
woman. I mean really tall. Like a like a giant Like six five.
JERRY: Really?
GEORGE: What was the tallest woman you ever slept with?
JERRY: I don't know … six three.
GEORGE: Wow, … god! You see this is all I think about. Sleeping with a giant. It's my
life's ambition.
JERRY: So I guess it's fair to say you've set different goals for yourself than say, Thomas
Edison, Magellan, these types of people.
GEORGE: Magellan? You like Magellan?
JERRY: Oh, yeah,. My favourite explorer. Around the world. Come on.
GEORGE: Who do you like?
GEORGE: I like DeSoto.
JERRY: DeSoto? What did he do?
GEORGE: Discovered the Mississippi.
JERRY: Oh. like they wouldn't have found that anyway.
Jerry Stand up
===========
When You're moving your whole world becomes boxes. That's all you think about is
boxes. Boxes, where are there boxes? You just wander down the street going in and out
of stores. Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes? I mean it's all you think
about. You can't even talk to people because you can't concentrate. Shut up I'm looking
for boxes. Just after a while you become like really into it you can smell them. You walk
into a store. There's boxes here. Don't tell me you don't have boxes. Dammit, I can
SMELL them. I'm like I'm obsessed. I love the smell of cardboard in the morning. You
could be at a funeral. Everyone's mourning crying around, and your looking at the
casket. That's a nice box Does anyone know where that guy got that box? When he's
done with it do you think I could get that? it's got some nice handles on it. And that's
what death is really. It's the last big move of your life. The hearse is like the van. The
pale bearers are your close friends the only ones you could ask to help you with a big
move like that. and the casket is that great perfect box you've been waiting for your
whole life The only problem is, once you find it you're in it.
CARRIE:Thank you for a wonderful time George.
GEORGE: Glad you enjoyed it.
CARRIE:I haven't had a Big Mac in a long time.
GEORGE: … millions and millions …
CARRIE:Would you like to come up?
GEORGE: [pause] Would I like to come up? I would love to come up. I, I'm fighting not
to. Fighting! Unfortunately I uh have to get an early start tomorrow. Gotta' get up
and hit that pavement
CARRIE:But it's Saturday. all the offices are closed.
GEORGE: I got me an appointment with a hardware store. I'm not saying I want to do it
for the rest of my life, but, uh, hardware fascinates me. Don't you love to make a
key?
KRAMER: What's going on?
JERRY: Keith Hernandez just asked me to help him move.
KRAMER: What? Well, you hardly know the guy…. What a nerve. You see wasn't I
right about this guy? Didn't I tell you? Now, you're not going to do it are you?
JERRY: … I said yes.
KRAMER: YOU SAID YES!? Don't you have any pride or self respect? I mean, how
can you prostitute yourself like this? I mean what are you going to do? You're going
to start driving him to the airport?
JERRY: I'm NOT DRIVING HIM TO THE AIRPORT! ..
KRAMER: yeah yeah
JERRY: hey Kramer do me a favour .
KRAMER: What?
JERRY: Don't mention it to anybody.
KRAMER: I wish you never mentioned it to ME.
GEORGE: You know what I would like to do? I would really like to have sex with a tall
woman. I mean really tall. Like a like a giant Like six five.
JERRY: Really?
GEORGE: What was the tallest woman you ever slept with?
JERRY: I don't know … six three.
GEORGE: Wow, … god! You see this is all I think about. Sleeping with a giant. It's my
life's ambition.
JERRY: So I guess it's fair to say you've set different goals for yourself than say, Thomas
Edison, Magellan, these types of people.
GEORGE: Magellan? You like Magellan?
JERRY: Oh, yeah,. My favourite explorer. Around the world. Come on.
GEORGE: Who do you like?
GEORGE: I like DeSoto.
JERRY: DeSoto? What did he do?
GEORGE: Discovered the Mississippi.
JERRY: Oh. like they wouldn't have found that anyway.
Jerry Stand up
===========
When You're moving your whole world becomes boxes. That's all you think about is
boxes. Boxes, where are there boxes? You just wander down the street going in and out
of stores. Are there boxes here? Have you seen any boxes? I mean it's all you think
about. You can't even talk to people because you can't concentrate. Shut up I'm looking
for boxes. Just after a while you become like really into it you can smell them. You walk
into a store. There's boxes here. Don't tell me you don't have boxes. Dammit, I can
SMELL them. I'm like I'm obsessed. I love the smell of cardboard in the morning. You
could be at a funeral. Everyone's mourning crying around, and your looking at the
casket. That's a nice box Does anyone know where that guy got that box? When he's
done with it do you think I could get that? it's got some nice handles on it. And that's
what death is really. It's the last big move of your life. The hearse is like the van. The
pale bearers are your close friends the only ones you could ask to help you with a big
move like that. and the casket is that great perfect box you've been waiting for your
whole life The only problem is, once you find it you're in it.