Noi_chanの誕生日はしたい .... (Abang, I am so sorry)
Today is my birthday, but unlike last year and years before this year i don't feel happy on my birthday. This April is my major fail month. Everything is screwed, my life, work, love etc etc so many. Why? it's all because of who else but me the stupid and selfish one.
Teacher Mao on Vampire Expert said : everything in this world is Yin and Yang everything is balance, there's a dark and light, good and bad, pass and fail. Nah what i get is you can't get everything you want. if you got something then you cannot get the other else, In live, i mean in this case in a single life like my life i i can't get both career and love works 100%. if i had a great career my love life is just like that, and in the contrary if i had a great love then my career is just the way it is ...
But look what happen to me, this month they both failed on me ....
I failed, in my work, this is the second time i failed again on my project. i hate when everything is out of my control and i cannot do anything to fixed, everything is screwed ... in the end i just failed again .... being loose is suck. yes it is that's what i feel ...
my boss i know he is mad, disappointed to me .... i wanna say i am sorry but i can't because i know he hates when somebody say i am sorry every time he/she failed. i remember he said to me : if saying i am sorry can fix everything so why do we need to be perfect? .....
My boss it the one that i call the fireworks type. somebody who was mad so mad (literally) ... and yes he is he is so mad like he is gonna eat me a live. He said a lot of things to me and ask so many why why why and i don't have a good answer for him ....
but then like a fireworks after he push out/ say all what he wanted to say ... he act like there's nothing happen. even yes, he gave me something like punishment .... he stop sending money to my account for 3 days. that's better than last year he blocked my account, checkbook and ATM. But after that we are what we are and he gave me another project ..... but even he is like that i still feel this fail isn't supposed to happen ..... i have 2 minus on him, once more i dunno what he is gonna do with me ....
I screwed again with my love life ..... after all this time for almost a year he is with me, he is the one who listen to me, i told everything to him, everything even something that i never told to Tekki i told him .... For me he is perfect, ... He is the one who never think that i am nuts .. me myself and Yasu in this fandom world ....
He always listen to what i said, everything ... i even spamming about Yasu to him .... can you believe that? i am the one who spamming everywhere about that Osakan named Yasunori Heayashi everywhere on my social networks also spamming about him to the one and only man who listen to everything i said ... i am crazy? yes, i am selfish yes ....
I always try to be shoulders to cry on for my friends, listen to them, talk to them, make some joke etc. But what i did to him? did i listen to him ... i can't remember that .... all i remember is in our conversation i always add Yasu .....
ah ya he asked once : hey who is he .....?
me : he is Yasu, ....
him : yes i know he is Yasu, but Yasu who?
me : Yasunori Hayashi, he is the one who's gonna stay with me if you leaving me back to Malaysia next April ....
him : shou .....
and now he is leaving me ..... no no he isn't but i am the one who wanted him to leave me ..... He asked me to move on about us but i said to him i cannot answer him, he said he will wait for my answer. but until now i didn't answer his question. And now he is leaving and by no answering i think what he got is a big no from me as my answer
my answer? i dunno ... i really want to say yes to him, moving on our relationship into the next level not a bonding relationship or this backstreet ( i never allow him to come to my home) ... and maybe follow him back to his country and start a family with him .... but i knew at the first time that's not gonna happen .... how can i be with him? while now everything is screwed, my life, my family, my dad's sick, my mom desperate taking care of him .... i cannot leave her now ....
but now i realize that reason above my family things is just another reason from me. the real problem is me. here i am the one who always running when something start to be real .... a relationship, married. .... etc
Who is the laziest student in class? Nobita? Giant? no not one of them ....Regret is the laziest one see that's because regret comes always late. .... Now my regret comes late, ... this regret come late and hit me over and over ... if only i could turn back time ... i would say yes to him ....
but nobody can't turn back time .... what i am gonna say to my dear Abang is :
Bang, i am sorry for all i've done, for not answering your question and let you waiting, i am sorry for my fangirlsm, make you spent time with this stupid fangirl and always add Yasu to our talks while i know you wanna talk about something else matter , i am sorry for me, my running from you ...
thank you for loving me, everything you gave me to improve my English by our eigo to basuketo talks. Even we can talk in Indonesia but you know that i love when you talk to me in eigo ....
Go find another one there, start a new family and i am sure she is gonna be great and 100% better than me because you are an amazing man and you deserved that .
Just be happy ne ..... That's my wish tanjoubi this year ....
So in the end there's only me, my self and Yasu
Photo Credit : sleepervampire ありがとう ... *chuu*
noi : nee Ya_san, you're not gonna leave me right?
yasu : i dunno ...
noi : why?
yasu : see i am almost 40 ne i have to marry at least on my 40th
noi : well okay i still have you for the next 4 years .... *hugs yasu tight*
yasu : what the .......
Teacher Mao on Vampire Expert said : everything in this world is Yin and Yang everything is balance, there's a dark and light, good and bad, pass and fail. Nah what i get is you can't get everything you want. if you got something then you cannot get the other else, In live, i mean in this case in a single life like my life i i can't get both career and love works 100%. if i had a great career my love life is just like that, and in the contrary if i had a great love then my career is just the way it is ...
But look what happen to me, this month they both failed on me ....
I failed, in my work, this is the second time i failed again on my project. i hate when everything is out of my control and i cannot do anything to fixed, everything is screwed ... in the end i just failed again .... being loose is suck. yes it is that's what i feel ...
my boss i know he is mad, disappointed to me .... i wanna say i am sorry but i can't because i know he hates when somebody say i am sorry every time he/she failed. i remember he said to me : if saying i am sorry can fix everything so why do we need to be perfect? .....
My boss it the one that i call the fireworks type. somebody who was mad so mad (literally) ... and yes he is he is so mad like he is gonna eat me a live. He said a lot of things to me and ask so many why why why and i don't have a good answer for him ....
but then like a fireworks after he push out/ say all what he wanted to say ... he act like there's nothing happen. even yes, he gave me something like punishment .... he stop sending money to my account for 3 days. that's better than last year he blocked my account, checkbook and ATM. But after that we are what we are and he gave me another project ..... but even he is like that i still feel this fail isn't supposed to happen ..... i have 2 minus on him, once more i dunno what he is gonna do with me ....
I screwed again with my love life ..... after all this time for almost a year he is with me, he is the one who listen to me, i told everything to him, everything even something that i never told to Tekki i told him .... For me he is perfect, ... He is the one who never think that i am nuts .. me myself and Yasu in this fandom world ....
He always listen to what i said, everything ... i even spamming about Yasu to him .... can you believe that? i am the one who spamming everywhere about that Osakan named Yasunori Heayashi everywhere on my social networks also spamming about him to the one and only man who listen to everything i said ... i am crazy? yes, i am selfish yes ....
I always try to be shoulders to cry on for my friends, listen to them, talk to them, make some joke etc. But what i did to him? did i listen to him ... i can't remember that .... all i remember is in our conversation i always add Yasu .....
ah ya he asked once : hey who is he .....?
me : he is Yasu, ....
him : yes i know he is Yasu, but Yasu who?
me : Yasunori Hayashi, he is the one who's gonna stay with me if you leaving me back to Malaysia next April ....
him : shou .....
and now he is leaving me ..... no no he isn't but i am the one who wanted him to leave me ..... He asked me to move on about us but i said to him i cannot answer him, he said he will wait for my answer. but until now i didn't answer his question. And now he is leaving and by no answering i think what he got is a big no from me as my answer
my answer? i dunno ... i really want to say yes to him, moving on our relationship into the next level not a bonding relationship or this backstreet ( i never allow him to come to my home) ... and maybe follow him back to his country and start a family with him .... but i knew at the first time that's not gonna happen .... how can i be with him? while now everything is screwed, my life, my family, my dad's sick, my mom desperate taking care of him .... i cannot leave her now ....
but now i realize that reason above my family things is just another reason from me. the real problem is me. here i am the one who always running when something start to be real .... a relationship, married. .... etc
Who is the laziest student in class? Nobita? Giant? no not one of them ....Regret is the laziest one see that's because regret comes always late. .... Now my regret comes late, ... this regret come late and hit me over and over ... if only i could turn back time ... i would say yes to him ....
Click to viewbut nobody can't turn back time .... what i am gonna say to my dear Abang is :
Bang, i am sorry for all i've done, for not answering your question and let you waiting, i am sorry for my fangirlsm, make you spent time with this stupid fangirl and always add Yasu to our talks while i know you wanna talk about something else matter , i am sorry for me, my running from you ...
thank you for loving me, everything you gave me to improve my English by our eigo to basuketo talks. Even we can talk in Indonesia but you know that i love when you talk to me in eigo ....
Go find another one there, start a new family and i am sure she is gonna be great and 100% better than me because you are an amazing man and you deserved that .
Just be happy ne ..... That's my wish tanjoubi this year ....
So in the end there's only me, my self and Yasu
Photo Credit : sleepervampire ありがとう ... *chuu*
noi : nee Ya_san, you're not gonna leave me right?
yasu : i dunno ...
noi : why?
yasu : see i am almost 40 ne i have to marry at least on my 40th
noi : well okay i still have you for the next 4 years .... *hugs yasu tight*
yasu : what the .......