Sitting and thinkin
I wonder how bad ive fucked up.
College. Friends. Life.
I want to be a good person. I want to be a good friend. I want to be successful. If anybody who reads this feels like ive fucked them over in any way Im sorry. Im sure it wasnt intentional. Ive been selfish and stupid lately. I tried to go back to Shaun and Ambers but I sometimes just feel awkward being there, like im not really welcome but tolerated. Thats why i leave early. Matt hasnt talked to me for like a week and hes my best (and sometimes only) friend. I wonder if im just paranoid or if there is some kind of basis for these thoughts and feelings. I feel like a complete failure. Why couldnt i just do well in my classes. They were so easy. Now i probably fucked up any chance of getting out of this town. Its not so much getting out of this town its just being surrounded by my friends again. I know those people love me and want me to be there always. Every night i sit here on my computer and sleep all day. I was so happy for a while and i know i can be again. I guess im just choosing to be in this funk. January will never come. And when it does will it be everything ive been waiting for? my mom doesnt even look at me in the same way anymore. Have i let everyone down? I know ive let myself down. Is everyone disappointed in me? I would say im trying, but im not. Im rolling in self pity for the moment and really it sucks. I have the power to go back to being happy and hopeful.
The only thing to look forward to is sleeping. In my dreams i can be anything that i want to be.
Im probably just being dramatic.
In the words of the great bob marley...hey little darlin dont shed no tears, everything is gonna be alright.