(no subject)
Today...today was one of those days where you wanna come home, listen to nickelback and just think...
this morning got into a hell of a fight with kelsey, verbally at least, told her i was done with it to drop it all.
rest of the day, went okay, i guess.
chemistry, jordan tryed calling so when the bell rang i called him back,
i went out there his mom him n jr was out there
he gets in the car and we all go to long johns silvers so jr n him could get something.
i took him to his moms, bout 10 min after that shes like iam leaving yall can come or hang out.
we were like okay were just gunna hang out, and just he wanted to mess around and i didnt wanna.
he always takes it personal like somethings wrong with him, but thats deff not it.
he gets kinda upset about it, walks outside and i go with him, to cold, came back in he put some music on, nickelback actually i think.
he rips his whole necklace off with my class ring on it off, and just kinda threw it, he got up to put the same song on.
i get up pick it up put it in my pocket, he just kinda goes off and turned the ceiling fan on high, and kept stopping it with his hand and i finally got him to sit down.
i could tell he had a lot on his mind, so i just held his hand and sat there with him (iam never the one to just hold his hand or hug him first, i dont know why, i've never been that way)
he gets up to change the song to ephiphany (sp?) and was just leaning against the TV and stuff, i leave him alone for about 5 min when i get up and just go over there and wrap my arms around him, for a min he just stood there and finally got up and held me back.
i felt like i felt all his pain at that time...it was so weird, for 20 mins we stood there, holding each other, he cryed, and when i was standing there with my arms wrapped around him and my head on his shoulder i just started thinking about how much i do really love him, and i cryed, and when i think about it, i just start crying again, i dont think he knows just how much i do love him. he took my head and it was on his and he just looked me in the eye, and goes "from all the g/f's i've ever had, none of them has done this for me" i just wrapped my arms back around him, he thought i was holding him, while the whole time he was holding me.
as i was leaving, i reached in my pocket and told him to give me his hand, i put the necklace and ring in it. he gripped it and just went to hug me again.
he goes this is the only thing iam goin to be looking at.
he kissed me on my forehead told me he loved me and stood at the door until i drove off.
i cryed almost the whole way home, he has so much shit in his life, and no ones ever bothered to listen or care, and i know how he feels sometimes, and i dont really know what i would do without him, hes just a peice of me now
i came home, mom told me a couple things, and it got into how officer mcfaddin called her
how she worried
and then i was like iam grateful but u should understand more things, it went into jordan, and shes saying how iam maturing and she's willing to meet him, just not right yet.
i hope they see i love him.
because i really do.
i love you jordan scott clark
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.