the lessons ive learned
long term goals are just that - long term. so the pages will turn and the world will unfurl its plans for us. there are some key people in my life that i believe are a true asset to existence; i'm thankful to have met them. a handful of them i've come to meet in college and its great. i hope to keep these people at my side for as long as i live because i know they care and cannot see them turning against to destroy me; they are dependable.
i've learned there is a time when giving yourself up to others is wrong - it's time my heart came first. i've learned that there are people you value and some people you just throw away. it all depends on who you are and the world you seek to shape for yourself. there are those who confuse you and those you confuse, and those who pretend and those who hide. they're all part of complex defense mechanisms designed to keep things manageable, orderly, and understandable; to prevent change. change is the unknown and that which we cannot grasp or understand till it has happened. because of the inability to understand, it is thus unmanageable and in turn, an unfamiliar, scary place. the fear is, am i better off this way or that way? In sum: defenseless, will one benefit from change or be hurt by it?
i've done all i can right now to help others before myself...what more can i do when all that i do for those i help is destroyed by those i help? it then becomes obvious that it cannot be solved by my selflessness, or by any other means ever, for that matter-if that which you try to fix destroys itself consistently. so i can no longer logically or rationally justify continuing to lend myself to a plan which is so sacrificial. i grow tired of the quiet fight against the forces at every turn, especially when its not even my fight or something i believe in. so no more - you're on your own. i'm sorry
i've learned there is a time when giving yourself up to others is wrong - it's time my heart came first. i've learned that there are people you value and some people you just throw away. it all depends on who you are and the world you seek to shape for yourself. there are those who confuse you and those you confuse, and those who pretend and those who hide. they're all part of complex defense mechanisms designed to keep things manageable, orderly, and understandable; to prevent change. change is the unknown and that which we cannot grasp or understand till it has happened. because of the inability to understand, it is thus unmanageable and in turn, an unfamiliar, scary place. the fear is, am i better off this way or that way? In sum: defenseless, will one benefit from change or be hurt by it?
i've done all i can right now to help others before myself...what more can i do when all that i do for those i help is destroyed by those i help? it then becomes obvious that it cannot be solved by my selflessness, or by any other means ever, for that matter-if that which you try to fix destroys itself consistently. so i can no longer logically or rationally justify continuing to lend myself to a plan which is so sacrificial. i grow tired of the quiet fight against the forces at every turn, especially when its not even my fight or something i believe in. so no more - you're on your own. i'm sorry