started updating my resume... this is as far as i got:
Liar. Impostor. Fake. Drop out. Drunk. Bad with time. No motivation. Great with people as long as they don’t rely on me. Doesn’t handle criticism well. Can’t spell without spell check. Has issues being on time. Will eventually work under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. Covered in obvious self-harm scars.
Has the ability to appear intelligent as long as you don’t ask too many questions. Willing to work long hours for shitty pay as long as I get to remain employed. Great sense of humor. Able to make other’s laugh and feel good about themselves while internally screaming in anguish. Spanish enough to count as a diversity hire but not Spanish enough to make older whites uncomfortable.