the thirteenth

[nofunnybone]

-

How delicately
the curl of a leaf holds
a first summer's rain
-

Hm.  Not quite right...

Rin, I am making wall scrolls with the pressed flowers now.  Do you wish to make one too?

[ooc:  Kimimaro's being artistic today.  Also, his calligraphy is a little shaky, as he's had very little sleep in the past few days, and isn't really feeling well.  Feel free

Comments

[misterblackbird]

I believe you're short by a syllable.
But I'm not too familiar with the style.

[insufferable know-it-all o.o]

[nofunnybone]

It would be. If this were an English haiku.

[ooc: lol, I didn't even realize this almost fit the constraints for a haiku in English. I was just pretending it had the right structure in Japanese characters.]

[misterblackbird]

Forgive me, seeing as my only experience with poetry in the Oriental style has been in English.

[ooc: Channeling Basho indeed! Forgive his Victorian-ness too plz]

[nofunnybone]

No forgiveness necessary. I did say that it was not quite right. Perhaps another syllable would help after all.

-
How delicately
the slight curl of a leaf holds
a first summer's rain.
-

Better?

[misterblackbird]

I certainly think so. Of course, seeing as I'm only familiar with the structure and not the aesthetics, my notions may be imperfect.

[nofunnybone]

In haiku, both structure and aesthetics are important, I believe. But as this is only to decorate a bare wall and occupy my time, I can stand a few imperfections.