...for which I am the most thankful.
This past Friday could have been the very worst day of my life.
Some back story for those of you who don't already know. When I was 9 months old, my mother died from breast cancer. My father being the product of his generation had no idea what to do with a baby on his own. He wisely handed me over to his parents with no muss and no fuss as my mother had been in foster care until she was 16 and had no biological ties to contest this decision. My grandparents were in their 50s at the time. They both said that being given another chance to be parents again when they weren't broke and terrified was the best thing that could have happened to them. They always made me feel loved and wanted and treasured. They didn't have a lot of money but they made my young life pretty amazing.
When I was 12, my grandfather had a heart attack and died while serving jury duty. Everything in my life felt like it had been smashed and it was my grandmother and I against the world from then on. She had been a housewife and mother for 42 years and wasn't very confident in banking and budgeting and bill paying as my grandfather had taken care of everything, so we both learned together. Like a normal teenage girl, I gave her some serious agita with boys and grades and coming home late and what not...but thankfully that all passed.
When I went to college, I stayed local and lived at home both to save money and to stay with her as by this time she was in her early seventies and while spry and still driving her great big boat of an Oldsmobile, I didn't want her to be alone. After college, I continued to live at home. As an adult, she became so much more than my replacement mom. She became my best friend who I would sit down with after work and we would talk about everything from politics to relationships, from books and movies and the history that she and her family have lived through.
When I married my husband, we bought my grandmother's house that I have always lived in, to take the financial burden and responsibility from her but she still lived with us which continued to bring me so much joy. A few years ago, she made the decision to move in with her daughter, my aunt, because my uncle was retiring and would be at home all day to help her if she needed help and while she wasn't in poor health, she did have frequent enough doctors appointments that she felt was difficult on my husband and I who work 40+ hours per week. I fought her every step, but her mind was made up. I have missed her being with me every day for the last 2 years even though she's only about 5 miles away at my aunts house and I visit her as often as possible. The minute she wants to come back with me I will be at her doorstep to move her back home.
This Friday morning, at 3:58 AM the phone rang. By the time I found the cordless phone, the machine had picked up the call. The caller didn't leave a message. It took me about 4 minutes to remember what the phone feature to get caller ID was and in dialing it back, I received my Aunt's phone number. I called...and called and nobody would answer. I told Mike, my husband, that I was going over there because I was sure something was wrong. They weren't answering the house phone and I had called and left 3 messages at their house already in the last 5 minutes and my aunt's cell phone was going straight to voicemail. Mike got up out of bed and drove me there. When we got there, nobody was home and one of the cars was missing from the driveway. Barely able to breathe, I called 411 on my cell phone and had them connect me to Park Ridge Hospital Emergency Center as that is the closest hospital. When the woman picked up I gave her my name, my grandmother's name and age and asked if she was there. When the woman said that she was, that they had just brought her in, I felt the worst emotional pain in my life so far. I was grateful that Mike was driving because I was crying far too hard to be able to drive.
Ten minutes later, at 4:17 AM, Mike pulled into the Emergency Center loop and I ran from the car to find my aunt and uncle in the waiting room. They said my grandmother had woken in the night with chest pain and pain in her head. They had called her doctor and the doctor on call instructed them to take her to the emergency. All my aunt knew is that they were working on her and running tests. Twenty minutes later, they allowed my aunt back to be with her. Ten minutes after that, my aunt came out to get me. When I walked back to the room, to find this tiny old woman in an enormous hospital bed looking back at me, hooked up to every possible machine I couldn't help but cry. Tears of gratitude that I still had time. That she wasn't gone from me. I didn't want to upset her so I held as much as I could in, but I cannot express how relieved and thankful I was and continue to be.
The doctors advised us that she had had a heart attack and she needed an angiogram. They found the blockage and put in a stent. All of these things pose a risk to your average every day person. In a tiny 87 year old woman, the risks are much more, still she pulled through for us and has been being babied by all the nurses, doctors and aids in the cardiac unit who think she is the nicest and cutest thing on the planet. Her whole family has been with her the past two and a half days, only going home in shifts to sleep, shower and maybe grab a meal. We are hoping that if her blood tests are good, that they will let her go home tomorrow because that it all she wants right now. She has had a few irregular heartbeats so they have been keeping her.
What could have possibly been the very worst day of my life, wasn't. Even though Thanksgiving was over when the nightmare began, I am so thankful this weekend to know that I have been given even just a little more time with her. She is the center of my family and our greatest treasure. She is the only mother I have ever known and my best friend. She is alive and with proper medical care, medications and diet she will continue to be with us for as long as she can.
As for the state of the Liz, I am physically tired, emotionally near catatonic and I look at least 10 years older than I did this time last week. My body hates me because I've mostly eaten like shit in the last few days living mostly on caffeine and sugar to keep going. I will recover. Work is going to be tough this week because my mind will be on her. I have a husband who has supported me and done anything I've asked this weekend to allow me to devote all of my time to my grandmother and though I always knew it, I am just reminded how lucky I am to have him as my partner in this life. Thank you Mike, my dearest love.
Some back story for those of you who don't already know. When I was 9 months old, my mother died from breast cancer. My father being the product of his generation had no idea what to do with a baby on his own. He wisely handed me over to his parents with no muss and no fuss as my mother had been in foster care until she was 16 and had no biological ties to contest this decision. My grandparents were in their 50s at the time. They both said that being given another chance to be parents again when they weren't broke and terrified was the best thing that could have happened to them. They always made me feel loved and wanted and treasured. They didn't have a lot of money but they made my young life pretty amazing.
When I was 12, my grandfather had a heart attack and died while serving jury duty. Everything in my life felt like it had been smashed and it was my grandmother and I against the world from then on. She had been a housewife and mother for 42 years and wasn't very confident in banking and budgeting and bill paying as my grandfather had taken care of everything, so we both learned together. Like a normal teenage girl, I gave her some serious agita with boys and grades and coming home late and what not...but thankfully that all passed.
When I went to college, I stayed local and lived at home both to save money and to stay with her as by this time she was in her early seventies and while spry and still driving her great big boat of an Oldsmobile, I didn't want her to be alone. After college, I continued to live at home. As an adult, she became so much more than my replacement mom. She became my best friend who I would sit down with after work and we would talk about everything from politics to relationships, from books and movies and the history that she and her family have lived through.
When I married my husband, we bought my grandmother's house that I have always lived in, to take the financial burden and responsibility from her but she still lived with us which continued to bring me so much joy. A few years ago, she made the decision to move in with her daughter, my aunt, because my uncle was retiring and would be at home all day to help her if she needed help and while she wasn't in poor health, she did have frequent enough doctors appointments that she felt was difficult on my husband and I who work 40+ hours per week. I fought her every step, but her mind was made up. I have missed her being with me every day for the last 2 years even though she's only about 5 miles away at my aunts house and I visit her as often as possible. The minute she wants to come back with me I will be at her doorstep to move her back home.
This Friday morning, at 3:58 AM the phone rang. By the time I found the cordless phone, the machine had picked up the call. The caller didn't leave a message. It took me about 4 minutes to remember what the phone feature to get caller ID was and in dialing it back, I received my Aunt's phone number. I called...and called and nobody would answer. I told Mike, my husband, that I was going over there because I was sure something was wrong. They weren't answering the house phone and I had called and left 3 messages at their house already in the last 5 minutes and my aunt's cell phone was going straight to voicemail. Mike got up out of bed and drove me there. When we got there, nobody was home and one of the cars was missing from the driveway. Barely able to breathe, I called 411 on my cell phone and had them connect me to Park Ridge Hospital Emergency Center as that is the closest hospital. When the woman picked up I gave her my name, my grandmother's name and age and asked if she was there. When the woman said that she was, that they had just brought her in, I felt the worst emotional pain in my life so far. I was grateful that Mike was driving because I was crying far too hard to be able to drive.
Ten minutes later, at 4:17 AM, Mike pulled into the Emergency Center loop and I ran from the car to find my aunt and uncle in the waiting room. They said my grandmother had woken in the night with chest pain and pain in her head. They had called her doctor and the doctor on call instructed them to take her to the emergency. All my aunt knew is that they were working on her and running tests. Twenty minutes later, they allowed my aunt back to be with her. Ten minutes after that, my aunt came out to get me. When I walked back to the room, to find this tiny old woman in an enormous hospital bed looking back at me, hooked up to every possible machine I couldn't help but cry. Tears of gratitude that I still had time. That she wasn't gone from me. I didn't want to upset her so I held as much as I could in, but I cannot express how relieved and thankful I was and continue to be.
The doctors advised us that she had had a heart attack and she needed an angiogram. They found the blockage and put in a stent. All of these things pose a risk to your average every day person. In a tiny 87 year old woman, the risks are much more, still she pulled through for us and has been being babied by all the nurses, doctors and aids in the cardiac unit who think she is the nicest and cutest thing on the planet. Her whole family has been with her the past two and a half days, only going home in shifts to sleep, shower and maybe grab a meal. We are hoping that if her blood tests are good, that they will let her go home tomorrow because that it all she wants right now. She has had a few irregular heartbeats so they have been keeping her.
What could have possibly been the very worst day of my life, wasn't. Even though Thanksgiving was over when the nightmare began, I am so thankful this weekend to know that I have been given even just a little more time with her. She is the center of my family and our greatest treasure. She is the only mother I have ever known and my best friend. She is alive and with proper medical care, medications and diet she will continue to be with us for as long as she can.
As for the state of the Liz, I am physically tired, emotionally near catatonic and I look at least 10 years older than I did this time last week. My body hates me because I've mostly eaten like shit in the last few days living mostly on caffeine and sugar to keep going. I will recover. Work is going to be tough this week because my mind will be on her. I have a husband who has supported me and done anything I've asked this weekend to allow me to devote all of my time to my grandmother and though I always knew it, I am just reminded how lucky I am to have him as my partner in this life. Thank you Mike, my dearest love.