"it's times like these when just simply breathing... it's time's like these, take everything i have"
things are kind of weird right now, i'm really weird right now. i went through a lot of old letters and mementos last night. from lovers, friends, family... i am a really shitty person sometimes, and i have a lot to apologize for. sometimes i wish i had never left this town, just had been happy with where i was, with what i had to work with. sometimes i feel like i haven't gained anything, except a lot of love for things i can never have, for people i will never get to know... at least no better than what i can glean from the cryptic, filtered words that are used when air isn't the medium we communicate through. i want to see your eyes, feel your pulse, watch you shake, or not shake... when you tell me, what you tell me.
i'm happy with my decisions for the most part. but it's times like these when i wish i didn't understand, or that i didn't have such a strong hope, that everything i've gained is worth all of the pain.
i don't feel like myself at all. i could've used that walk.