(no subject)
while driving today, this james taylor song came on and i found myself missing you so much that i almost pulled over. it came from some unspecified cove but it landed right in between my shoulder blades. and found that space where i had stashed everyone memory of you and me and like pandora's box, everything found its way out. you used to want to quiz me on my french verbs. but i drove on, music playing, and wondered if the people on the side, in the office building, in the shops, knew how lonely i felt then and had been so for the past days/nights/weeks/months without you.
i do not understand why i am here. in the past, i get away very easily. no messiness. no good byes. but you, i see you everywhere these days. i must think of you hundreds of times a day. i think i am a liar when i say that i do not love you anymore. my fingers know the routes that will dial your number. i did it so many times.
i am so fucked, because i can't even keep up the lie that i don't love you anymore. you are still handsome. you are still beautiful. you, i am still utterly in love with you.
i do not understand why i am here. in the past, i get away very easily. no messiness. no good byes. but you, i see you everywhere these days. i must think of you hundreds of times a day. i think i am a liar when i say that i do not love you anymore. my fingers know the routes that will dial your number. i did it so many times.
i am so fucked, because i can't even keep up the lie that i don't love you anymore. you are still handsome. you are still beautiful. you, i am still utterly in love with you.