The Testimony of Blacky the Fish
Here followeth the testimony of Blacky ...
CHAPTER 1
1 The account of the life and death of Blacky, fish of great promise and strong constitution.
2 Blacky and his brethren were purchased from the Fish Store by the Children of David although, verily, it was the funds of David that purchased the fish. (This was that David who is servant to the Queen of that household.)
3 For many months didst Blacky and his brethren and kindred live in the household of David and the Queen. Yea, in a 25-gallon tank didst they live. And David didst feed them fish flakes of the highest quality and they were well pleased, for as it is written, good fish flakes maketh the heart merry.
4 And the Children of David looked upon the fish and the 25-gallon tank and saw that it was good and they blessed David in the gates of the Town of Cary.
5 And it came to pass in those days that the Holidays were upon the household of David; yea, like locusts did those days descend upon them, even like unto a plague. And David was without work and didst vacation in his household. 6 And verily, David’s presence didst vex the Queen and she didst say “Why art thou always under foot and in the way? Why canst thou not find something productive to do? Why dost thou tease the children and play video games day and night?” And, lo, the spirit of exertion fell upon David and he determined in his heart to clean the 25-gallon tank, for it was full of fish flakes and green algae, and he coveted the blessings of the Queen.
7 Now David didst follow in the footsteps of his fathers and sought to cut corners where such could be cut. And, verily, he didst clean the coral of the 25-gallon tank with a noxious chlorine bleach and the coral didst absorb the noxious chlorine bleach, but David knew it not. 8 And, lo, when David didst place the coral back into the 25-gallon tank, the water thereof didst hiss and sizzle. But David paid it no heed. And Blacky and his brethren were sore afraid.
9 Then didst the brethren of Blacky begin to list and swim on their sides. And the angel of death was concealed within the coral and he visited the sword upon the brethren of Blacky, but he passed over Blacky without requiring his soul.
10 Nevertheless Blacky did mourn for his fallen brethren and for two days he didst lie upon the gravel at the bottom of the 25-gallon tank. And he was utterly alone.
11 And the Children of David didst offer up prayers and intercessions for Blacky, that he might be saved. And the LORD heard their prayers and granted their requests and Blacky swam again right side up. And the Children of David began making plans for the purchase of new fish; yea, with David’s funds didst they intend to purchase them.
12 Now all this occurred during the time of the Christmas festival, and the crown of the New Year was upon them. And the Children of David learned a valuable lesson about the transience of life, especially in fish.
CHAPTER 2
1 And it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from the Queen of the household that all the furniture of the Family Room should be moved. (And this moving was done in connection with the taking down of the Christmas tree when David was still at home and under foot.)
2 David said, “Verily, O Queen, thou art a harsh taskmistress. Thou dost reap where thou hast not sown and thou dost come up with jobs for thy servant when thy servant wouldst rather be sitting and reading. Nevertheless, not my will by thine be done.” 3 And David worked with all diligence to make the Family Room in the image that the Queen desired, even to the moving of bookcases and large couches.
4 But then the Queen said, “The 25-gallon tank thou must move to before the window; yea, before the window do I desire it.” And the Queen was great with child, and hormones were verily washing over her, and David was sore afraid.
5 And David said, “O Queen, thou has asked a very difficult thing. Doth thou know the weight of a 25-gallon tank, filled with water? Verily it is too heavy for thy servant to move.” 6 Then didst the Queen grow wroth with David and she didst believe him to be a slacker and not willing to do her will. And she told David, “Thou dullard! Canst thou not merely remove water from the tank? Yea, an nearly empty tank thou shalt be able to move. And when it is placed in front of the window, thou shalt refill it anew.”
7 And David said, “O Queen, may thou live forever, the removal of the water from the 25-gallon tank is a large task because thy servant has only a 2.5 gallon vessel in which to remove the water; and, yea, the vessel with which I refill the tank is only of 1 gallon so we are talking a major time commitment. And verily, O Queen, our sole fish Blacky hath survived a terrible ordeal in these latter days and I do not believe that he hath the strength to survive yet another shock as wouldst be caused by the changing of the water.” 8 But the Queen wouldst not relent, neither couldst David persuade her to see things his way.
9 David wept.
10 And then didst David remove most of the water from the 25-gallon tank, even unto nine tenths of the water didst David remove. And Blacky, the fish of great promise and strong constitution didst swim in three inches of water.
11 David did as his Queen commanded and the 25-gallon tank was removed to in front of the window, and the water was replaced, and the Queen was very pleased and blessed David for his labors. And the Children of David were also pleased.
12 Then didst Blacky begin to list and swim upon his side. And he didst lay upon the gravel at the bottom of the tank. 13 And the Children of David believed Blacky would recover because he was the fish of great promise and strong constitution. But, verily, the LORD determined that the soul of Blacky should swim that day with his fathers. And David had foreseen this.
14 Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the Prophet Jekaniah, saying:
A voice was heard in Carolina,
Lamentation, weeping, and great mourning,
Noah weeping for his tropical fish,
Refusing to be comforted,
Because they are no more.
15 And the wailing of the Children of David was great to behold. And they blamed David for the death of Blacky, not realizing that it was the Queen who had done this thing.
16 Then didst David say unto his children, “The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
17 And so ended the sojourn on this earth of Blacky. For though he was a fish of great promise and strong constitution, and could survive noxious chlorine bleach, he was no match for the will of the Queen.
CHAPTER 1
1 The account of the life and death of Blacky, fish of great promise and strong constitution.
2 Blacky and his brethren were purchased from the Fish Store by the Children of David although, verily, it was the funds of David that purchased the fish. (This was that David who is servant to the Queen of that household.)
3 For many months didst Blacky and his brethren and kindred live in the household of David and the Queen. Yea, in a 25-gallon tank didst they live. And David didst feed them fish flakes of the highest quality and they were well pleased, for as it is written, good fish flakes maketh the heart merry.
4 And the Children of David looked upon the fish and the 25-gallon tank and saw that it was good and they blessed David in the gates of the Town of Cary.
5 And it came to pass in those days that the Holidays were upon the household of David; yea, like locusts did those days descend upon them, even like unto a plague. And David was without work and didst vacation in his household. 6 And verily, David’s presence didst vex the Queen and she didst say “Why art thou always under foot and in the way? Why canst thou not find something productive to do? Why dost thou tease the children and play video games day and night?” And, lo, the spirit of exertion fell upon David and he determined in his heart to clean the 25-gallon tank, for it was full of fish flakes and green algae, and he coveted the blessings of the Queen.
7 Now David didst follow in the footsteps of his fathers and sought to cut corners where such could be cut. And, verily, he didst clean the coral of the 25-gallon tank with a noxious chlorine bleach and the coral didst absorb the noxious chlorine bleach, but David knew it not. 8 And, lo, when David didst place the coral back into the 25-gallon tank, the water thereof didst hiss and sizzle. But David paid it no heed. And Blacky and his brethren were sore afraid.
9 Then didst the brethren of Blacky begin to list and swim on their sides. And the angel of death was concealed within the coral and he visited the sword upon the brethren of Blacky, but he passed over Blacky without requiring his soul.
10 Nevertheless Blacky did mourn for his fallen brethren and for two days he didst lie upon the gravel at the bottom of the 25-gallon tank. And he was utterly alone.
11 And the Children of David didst offer up prayers and intercessions for Blacky, that he might be saved. And the LORD heard their prayers and granted their requests and Blacky swam again right side up. And the Children of David began making plans for the purchase of new fish; yea, with David’s funds didst they intend to purchase them.
12 Now all this occurred during the time of the Christmas festival, and the crown of the New Year was upon them. And the Children of David learned a valuable lesson about the transience of life, especially in fish.
CHAPTER 2
1 And it came to pass in those days that there went out a decree from the Queen of the household that all the furniture of the Family Room should be moved. (And this moving was done in connection with the taking down of the Christmas tree when David was still at home and under foot.)
2 David said, “Verily, O Queen, thou art a harsh taskmistress. Thou dost reap where thou hast not sown and thou dost come up with jobs for thy servant when thy servant wouldst rather be sitting and reading. Nevertheless, not my will by thine be done.” 3 And David worked with all diligence to make the Family Room in the image that the Queen desired, even to the moving of bookcases and large couches.
4 But then the Queen said, “The 25-gallon tank thou must move to before the window; yea, before the window do I desire it.” And the Queen was great with child, and hormones were verily washing over her, and David was sore afraid.
5 And David said, “O Queen, thou has asked a very difficult thing. Doth thou know the weight of a 25-gallon tank, filled with water? Verily it is too heavy for thy servant to move.” 6 Then didst the Queen grow wroth with David and she didst believe him to be a slacker and not willing to do her will. And she told David, “Thou dullard! Canst thou not merely remove water from the tank? Yea, an nearly empty tank thou shalt be able to move. And when it is placed in front of the window, thou shalt refill it anew.”
7 And David said, “O Queen, may thou live forever, the removal of the water from the 25-gallon tank is a large task because thy servant has only a 2.5 gallon vessel in which to remove the water; and, yea, the vessel with which I refill the tank is only of 1 gallon so we are talking a major time commitment. And verily, O Queen, our sole fish Blacky hath survived a terrible ordeal in these latter days and I do not believe that he hath the strength to survive yet another shock as wouldst be caused by the changing of the water.” 8 But the Queen wouldst not relent, neither couldst David persuade her to see things his way.
9 David wept.
10 And then didst David remove most of the water from the 25-gallon tank, even unto nine tenths of the water didst David remove. And Blacky, the fish of great promise and strong constitution didst swim in three inches of water.
11 David did as his Queen commanded and the 25-gallon tank was removed to in front of the window, and the water was replaced, and the Queen was very pleased and blessed David for his labors. And the Children of David were also pleased.
12 Then didst Blacky begin to list and swim upon his side. And he didst lay upon the gravel at the bottom of the tank. 13 And the Children of David believed Blacky would recover because he was the fish of great promise and strong constitution. But, verily, the LORD determined that the soul of Blacky should swim that day with his fathers. And David had foreseen this.
14 Then was fulfilled what was spoken by the Prophet Jekaniah, saying:
A voice was heard in Carolina,
Lamentation, weeping, and great mourning,
Noah weeping for his tropical fish,
Refusing to be comforted,
Because they are no more.
15 And the wailing of the Children of David was great to behold. And they blamed David for the death of Blacky, not realizing that it was the Queen who had done this thing.
16 Then didst David say unto his children, “The LORD giveth and the LORD taketh away; blessed be the name of the LORD.”
17 And so ended the sojourn on this earth of Blacky. For though he was a fish of great promise and strong constitution, and could survive noxious chlorine bleach, he was no match for the will of the Queen.