(no subject)
wow, it's been a really long time since i have updated this... i don't even know where to begin. i read Allie's entry that she might delete and found myself relating to it. i'm at a weird point right now. matt and i have been fighting (yes again) and it's been so aggrevating. last night we got into it and he said "get the fuck out of my house". up until last night, i would have cried and said "no, i'm sorry, don't hate me dont do this." but insted i got all of my things and left. i went to laura's house and didn't even call him. that was a big thing for me. all the times i said i would go, or he's told me to go and last night for the first time i finally did. he called later to apologize, i was a little cold towards him. maybe he'll realize how he's been treating me and how it's been hurting lately. even his own mother said i could do better. i know i could do better, but i guess i don't want to, or i'm afraid to. i'm not sure what it is.
friday night and saturday night i hung out with Tucker. he is really sweet to me. friday night beth (my cousin) was there (they were friends first), but saturday night he came to chill with me at laura's house. that was the first time that we have hung out alone. i see him out all the time when matt and i got out. i never knew he felt the way he does about me. it's refreshing to have a guy be that nice to me and tell me sweet stuff. that's sad that i am saying that considering i have a boyfriend and he should be that guy who is sweet and nice.
don't know what to do. i talked to matt when i woke up today and he said he'd call me back. he did, to tell me he quit his job, then he said he'd call me back, but he didn't and so i called him and once again he said he'd call me bakc. he hasn't yet. i have conflicting thoughts right now. i want to call him, but i think i should be strong and not call him, make him call me. all of this seems so stupid to me. why can't relationships be normal?
egh... i'm tired and bored and car-less so i can't really do anything. i want my car back. blah....
friday night and saturday night i hung out with Tucker. he is really sweet to me. friday night beth (my cousin) was there (they were friends first), but saturday night he came to chill with me at laura's house. that was the first time that we have hung out alone. i see him out all the time when matt and i got out. i never knew he felt the way he does about me. it's refreshing to have a guy be that nice to me and tell me sweet stuff. that's sad that i am saying that considering i have a boyfriend and he should be that guy who is sweet and nice.
don't know what to do. i talked to matt when i woke up today and he said he'd call me back. he did, to tell me he quit his job, then he said he'd call me back, but he didn't and so i called him and once again he said he'd call me bakc. he hasn't yet. i have conflicting thoughts right now. i want to call him, but i think i should be strong and not call him, make him call me. all of this seems so stupid to me. why can't relationships be normal?
egh... i'm tired and bored and car-less so i can't really do anything. i want my car back. blah....