new year, clean slate
mood: 
listless
music: ne-yo on ABC's new year's special
I'm a mess, but I need to be right now.
My resolutions are:
1. Figure myself out: what I stand for, what I need to be, what I want to do with my life, how to be completely genuine. Who am I? Do I really believe in all of this? How can I become a better, more truthful person? Do whatever it takes to get this done, even if it means isolating myself from my old friends. Suffer, and learn. Be okay with who I am and the choices that I have made and will make in the future.
2. Be there, unconditionally and completely, for others.
- Accept him for who he is, and trust him again.
3. Lose 5 - 10 pounds, and combat the sophomore whatever. Cut back on calories in a healthy manner, and whip myself into shape.
4. Get above a 3.5. Put everything I can into every class I take, especially Mandarin.
5. Find myself either a summer job or internship, and definitely a job in the fall.
- Live on a budget, and cut back on expenses.
6. Love, appreciate, and belong in Oregon. Allow college to change me, but not to the point where I can't even recognize myself.
- For 3 months: don't drink, smoke anything, or stay over at the guys' past 2AM, even if it means paying for a taxi all by myself. Find people who don't need that sort of stuff to enjoy themselves.
7. Learn how to cook, ride a bike, swim, and MAYBE drive. Also! Get my hair as close to shoulder length as I can.
8. Continue with the progress I've made in the past year. Keep not scratching my skin or picking scabs. Open up to others. Be in bed by 1. Stay updated on current events, movies, novels, etc. Write more. Deal with my anger. Divide my vacation time between friends and family equally, and call my parents two or three times a week. Keep realizing flaws and trying to change.
9. Consider the consequences of my actions before making any more mistakes that will reduce my credibility in anyone's eyes. Don't let all of this pain be for nothing.
10. Toughen up.
It's been a rough year, but a pivotal one. I'm too tired now to reflect, but if it isn't obvious, I've been undergoing a lot of personal drama in the past month. Tonight, I put a stop to a part of it, but if I can't achieve #1, then I'll have lost him for nothing. Eventually, I hope I can be myself - whatever that may be - again. 2009, please don't let me down.
listless
music: ne-yo on ABC's new year's special
I'm a mess, but I need to be right now.
My resolutions are:
1. Figure myself out: what I stand for, what I need to be, what I want to do with my life, how to be completely genuine. Who am I? Do I really believe in all of this? How can I become a better, more truthful person? Do whatever it takes to get this done, even if it means isolating myself from my old friends. Suffer, and learn. Be okay with who I am and the choices that I have made and will make in the future.
2. Be there, unconditionally and completely, for others.
- Accept him for who he is, and trust him again.
3. Lose 5 - 10 pounds, and combat the sophomore whatever. Cut back on calories in a healthy manner, and whip myself into shape.
4. Get above a 3.5. Put everything I can into every class I take, especially Mandarin.
5. Find myself either a summer job or internship, and definitely a job in the fall.
- Live on a budget, and cut back on expenses.
6. Love, appreciate, and belong in Oregon. Allow college to change me, but not to the point where I can't even recognize myself.
- For 3 months: don't drink, smoke anything, or stay over at the guys' past 2AM, even if it means paying for a taxi all by myself. Find people who don't need that sort of stuff to enjoy themselves.
7. Learn how to cook, ride a bike, swim, and MAYBE drive. Also! Get my hair as close to shoulder length as I can.
8. Continue with the progress I've made in the past year. Keep not scratching my skin or picking scabs. Open up to others. Be in bed by 1. Stay updated on current events, movies, novels, etc. Write more. Deal with my anger. Divide my vacation time between friends and family equally, and call my parents two or three times a week. Keep realizing flaws and trying to change.
9. Consider the consequences of my actions before making any more mistakes that will reduce my credibility in anyone's eyes. Don't let all of this pain be for nothing.
10. Toughen up.
It's been a rough year, but a pivotal one. I'm too tired now to reflect, but if it isn't obvious, I've been undergoing a lot of personal drama in the past month. Tonight, I put a stop to a part of it, but if I can't achieve #1, then I'll have lost him for nothing. Eventually, I hope I can be myself - whatever that may be - again. 2009, please don't let me down.