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[nocturnaleye]

when i was four years old
they tried to test my i.q.
they showed me a picture
of 3 oranges and a pear
they said,
which one is different?
it does not belong
they taught me different is wrong...

~from "My IQ" by Ani DiFranco

Dear Clothing Manufacturers,

Do you think it would be possible to produce a line of clothing for women who are both fat and

Comments

[not_one_of_us]

This was incredibly poignant. One of the defining moments that made me realize it was time to do something about my own weight was spending an entire day at the mall looking for jeans that fit and coming up empty-handed except for a single pair of "granny" jeans. Everything that would have fit my waist wouldn't make it past my knees because the legs were too skinny. Everything that fit my hips assumed that I my waist was 10 inches bigger. People gain weight in different places, and clothing makers just don't acknowledge that. After that experience, I went home railing about the clothing manufacturers and how unfair they are. But at the same time, I realized I was in that place because I could no longer wear a closet of clothes I liked that had fit me for years. I got on the scale for the first time in 3 months, and found that the number was 10 pounds higher than before. I looked at recent pictures, and they verified that fact. Around that time, my dad went in for his second stress test in 5 years. Didn't tell me until after it was over because the first test resulted in an emergency triple bypass. This test revealed yet another blockage, but not one serious enough to justify operation. Both were caused by skyhigh cholesterol, and while some of that was genetic, most of it was diet and lifestyle. My dad stopped exercising altogether not long after I came into existence. For as long as I can remember, he was a sedentary couch potato who ate nothing but heavy German food, and it showed. And if someone who used to be in good shape could go so far downhill, where was someone as sluggish as me headed if I didn't change things? Would I also need a triple bypass? Would I spend my later years as an overweight diabetic like my cousin (who warned me that my eating habits mirrored hers)? Neither of those problems was something I wanted to take a chance on, and my experience in the mall told me I was headed down one or both of those roads if I didn't do something. I looked into weight loss plans to see what would be the healthiest and most permanent. I steered away from the starvation diets that promised quick results and the fad diets that contradicted my eating habits to an irreconcilable degree, choosing Weight Watchers because it stressed moderation and learning to balance "healthy" and "unhealthy" foods wisely. I stepped up my exercise routine, walking when I'd usually drive, and going for a long walk or hiking as often as humanly possible. The clothing that once was too tight, now either fits or is too loose. But that's secondary to the fact that I look and feel healthier than I ever have.

Self-love is incredibly important no matter what size one is. Some of the most beautiful people I've known have been overweight or even obese by medical standards, but were comfortable in their own skin and embraced who they were. If you're happy with the way you look, it shouldn't matter that clothing manufacturers run on a different agenda. You can make your own clothes or put the talents of the many seamstress-types you know into use. If you're not happy with the way you look, you need to really look at why that is the case. In my case, I realized I didn't really care about beauty standards. They didn't accommodate me when I was 17, weighed 108 pounds, and wore a size 5 either. I did care about the fact that I was on track to develop all the health problems that run in my family and then some, and that I did not know how to eat healthily at all. I've been learning how to do so, and I've been seeing results that coincide with the moderate course I've taken. I will never be a size-1 wisp of a woman. I will always have curves, and they'll always be in places where the clothing manufacturers don't expect them to be. But a big step for me has been learning to be comfortable with that fact, and I'm there.

Anyway, that's my story. Sorry if it got a little long. I have a lot of opinions about size acceptance -- what it really is, and what others have tried to turn it into. Being comfortable with one's body is a very good thing. So is wanting to be fit and healthy. Too many people seem to think the two are mutually exclusive, and I have a big problem with that. But that's something I'd much rather discuss over coffee than on LJ.

[nocturnaleye]

If that's an offer to go to coffee with you, then I'll take you up on it. I think I'd rather discuss most of how I feel about this in person, but I'm afraid I'll forget some of what I want to say (and I don't want to be whipping out a notebook), so I'll touch on a bit of it here.

I too have a closet full of clothes that don't fit me anymore and I won't get rid of them because I want to wear them again someday. I want to be smaller like I used to be, but I can't seem to get motivated to do something about it. I know it would be smart and that I'm risking my health and that I feel better when I'm smaller. I just resent the idea that I can't be accepted and liked the way that I am. I don't trust diets. I'd have no idea which one I should try. There is more...about loving the self and feeling denied, but I'll get into that in person.

Thank you for sharing all of this. I really never mind when people get long-winded when talking with me. Unless they are full of it.

Oh...and someone I was with the other night thinks you have a really nice body. ;)

[not_one_of_us]

That someone ain't so bad himself. ;-)

How does coffee tomorrow after work sound? I'd say today, but I think I'm going to take advantage of the fact that it's the longest day of the year and I have a Jeep Liberty that can hold my bike without a rack.

[nocturnaleye]

I have to work until 9pm tonight anyway and I'm feeling kind of drained. Tomorrow could be good. I had asked Dorian if he was free tomorrow, but he gave me a maybe. I unfortunately left my cell phone at home on the charger today too. I'll have to try to get ahold of him after I get home. I'm off from thursday-sunday this week also. I want to go see one of Dorian's standup shows this weekend, but I don't have anything else set in stone so far. I'll get back to you in a little while.