(no subject)
i dont write much anymore, on this, havent for quite some while
for along time i didnt have access to it, ive had access to it for a while but havent been able to bring myself to write anything i feel worth while.
fear makes you do lots of things, fear of what?
fear of doing the right thing, fear of not dissapointing people, keeping everybody happy.
fear of being alone or being wrong.
maybe lots of people out there can say they have never regretted or made a bad choice. i have a list of regrets a list of mistakes a list of good times and good things that i did do right. at times i cant think or recall which list has more on it. that could be a definition for life figuring out how to get that list balanced in the direction that makes you happy. towards the good things and good memories side or the mistakes and regrets side. for a long time if i made a mistake or something didnt go right i would simply try to learn and keep moving. force of nature, nothing can stop me from moving foward and being positive.
i had a point with that but it bothers me to keep going down that path.
skipping it...
i have diabetes, i cant take a day off from the disease. with all the things im thinking about and trying to take care of in a day that often times than none fell to the way side and didnt get taken care of like it should. i feel when i did miss a day or a dose or a pill that it went all to hell, i felt off phsyically mentally and that made me feel like a bad person for not being able to keep that up. its sucks and makes you feel like worst parts of an eating disorder and mental disorder rolled into one.
im non confrontational when given the chance. id rather figure it out and handle things in a better way
im a fixer, or at least i try to be. i want to fix things that i see wrong as best i can.
i try to adapt to things as they happen, be flexible and you cant be knocked down. if you work hard and do whats right be good to people and try to live right things will work out in the end. thats not true. not always. lessons learned??? somethings take work sometimes more work that is within you. you can reach in so hard and so deep and still come up short. your hard work and hard trying may not appear so to others. doing what you feel is right for you may not be what is right or good for other people. you cannot be a mountain all of time for people to lean on, sometimes you crumble.im too tired to write more stuff now, ill have to later. im handling eating better, planning things more and sticking to them no matter what, taking medicine no matter what, being more honest about what im feeling at times.
more later i guess
for along time i didnt have access to it, ive had access to it for a while but havent been able to bring myself to write anything i feel worth while.
fear makes you do lots of things, fear of what?
fear of doing the right thing, fear of not dissapointing people, keeping everybody happy.
fear of being alone or being wrong.
maybe lots of people out there can say they have never regretted or made a bad choice. i have a list of regrets a list of mistakes a list of good times and good things that i did do right. at times i cant think or recall which list has more on it. that could be a definition for life figuring out how to get that list balanced in the direction that makes you happy. towards the good things and good memories side or the mistakes and regrets side. for a long time if i made a mistake or something didnt go right i would simply try to learn and keep moving. force of nature, nothing can stop me from moving foward and being positive.
i had a point with that but it bothers me to keep going down that path.
skipping it...
i have diabetes, i cant take a day off from the disease. with all the things im thinking about and trying to take care of in a day that often times than none fell to the way side and didnt get taken care of like it should. i feel when i did miss a day or a dose or a pill that it went all to hell, i felt off phsyically mentally and that made me feel like a bad person for not being able to keep that up. its sucks and makes you feel like worst parts of an eating disorder and mental disorder rolled into one.
im non confrontational when given the chance. id rather figure it out and handle things in a better way
im a fixer, or at least i try to be. i want to fix things that i see wrong as best i can.
i try to adapt to things as they happen, be flexible and you cant be knocked down. if you work hard and do whats right be good to people and try to live right things will work out in the end. thats not true. not always. lessons learned??? somethings take work sometimes more work that is within you. you can reach in so hard and so deep and still come up short. your hard work and hard trying may not appear so to others. doing what you feel is right for you may not be what is right or good for other people. you cannot be a mountain all of time for people to lean on, sometimes you crumble.im too tired to write more stuff now, ill have to later. im handling eating better, planning things more and sticking to them no matter what, taking medicine no matter what, being more honest about what im feeling at times.
more later i guess