i still pick up dying things and try to 'help' them
so today i found this bird, this sparrow, while on my way to do something. theres a million of these birds everywhere in the city.
it was facing the building, panting. stunned, i hoped.
so of course i had to stop what i was doing, scoop him up and go the other way, toward central park. i didnt know if he was dying, if i was taking him away from all that he knew, but damn, if i was sick or dying, im sure, in my very core, even if id known nothing but cement, a bit of grass and fresher air would relieve me a bit.
i think his neck was broken. one of his legs, cuz its foot wouldnt grasp my finger, like the other one did. its head would just flop, but it could see and flap in circles, circles. which was. distressing. he took a bit of water, would keep still in my lap if i was slow and calm in my movements.
but what could i do for him?
ive tried the wildlife conservatory bit before, at cornell. with a wounded bird. they werent there! they were supposed to be there!
anyway.
birds are way awesome, design wise, detail wise. they have four whiskers, near their beak. the coolest, scaliest feet. woven, soft soft feathers. i literally held his life in my hands, and i couldve broken his neck and killed him on that perfect day, and would know? maybe it would be a mercy, how could something be so broken, dying, on such a perfect day? and who would care? this old indian dude taking a nap some feet away commented on the bird on my lap but i merely said, "he's hurt", and acted as if he were one of those tiny puppies that all these women carry about with them, just a small thing that i carried with me.
dan came by with a peach for me and we walked about near that bridge over the pond, and we fed the birds. who apparently love soynuts, and pigeons love flax seeds. it was very nice, he thinks i forgot about the dying bird, but of course i havent. i think he was trying to distract me and be all wonderful as always. even tho maybe he wasnt doon so great. thats a great person, who does stuff like that.
hes always telling me to leave stray cats, dying birds, bugs, alone.
psh.
psh.
we finally went to the cloisters and i forgot my camera, like an idiot. regretted it, too. the cloisters are lovely!
im no huge fan of religious art, which there is a lot of there. but you know that famous medieval tapestry of the unicorn? they have it there, and those tapestries are so colorful, so detailed, so wonderful in their own style...god, so great. but i liked it all stylistically, and from an architectural perspective. even tho they mixed their periods up. alot. like this door from france in the 16 century and this frame from england in the 15th...whats up with that? but its all fascinating and interesting and impressive sometimes.
and espaliere! that was a cool new thing to see! its basically like ummm. controlling the way a tree grows, so that it looks like a grid, or some design. way cool to see this huge pear tree all arranged like that. the cloisters is way wonderful, and we had a picnic on the grounds beforehand, and could see the Hudson River. Very lovely day, too.
What else?
Um. Been working on projects, finally, all at once. Kinda scary. Soooo much relief, tho.
Too many bills. Job situation, meh. I should get more on that.
Was asked to move in with the guys. Sounds like a sitcom. Kay moves in with Tall stoner mellow guy, hyper actor type obsessed with the Wire, and the guy she's in love with....SHENANIGANS.
I. I have to think about that one. I mean, i like having my own room. but im always over there, anyway. I think the neighbors think i DO live there. Theyre good for me, those guys. We eat well, we exercise. They tease me and are very good to me. We all have different interests and teach other shit. But. It would be very new. Very new. And isnt living with your love sort of a big step? I dunno. Im still wrapping my brain around it. even living with friends that ive known longer takes some brain wrappage time also.
Wanna visit LA. Wish Ari werent so busy, nowabouts is maybe the only good time.
Oh yes!
Also want to move out of the United States. Thinking that, 5 yrs from now i am not involved with anyone, will move to Canada, or London, or France. The documentary Sicko has a lot to do with this.
Does that mean I am hopelessly impressionable?
So what if I am, I could get free health care and go to college again, but freely this time. Free from those worries...if it werent for those things, debt, i mean. I would live a whole lot differently. Would have chosen differently. But then, I wouldnt have met my best friend. So it did some good, I learned a bunch, while accumulating so much debt.
Corny, but that film changed me some.
Forget what else.
Dunno.
I miss kitties.
Jill says theres a karaoke bar with a live band. Sounds exciting and terrifying, all at once.