(no subject)
Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you never ever ever ever ever thought you'd find yourself in?
So much so that sometimes you can't even think or be where you are, your brain is too busy yelling, "HOW THE EFF DID I GET HERE HOW THE EFF DID I GET HERE OMIGOD OMIGOD WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING".
except youre not saying EFF. Youre saying a word that STARTS with an eff.
i just dont get this.
its like some switch got thrown, and then all of a sudden I started doing stuff thats. insane. or, okay, not insane, but like. NEVER saw coming, NEVER thought of, or considered but somehow, it must have, or else i wouldnt have these experiences.
I mean, the only. theory that i have about this is.
that subconsciously, not entirely conscious, I know where I lack things in my life.
I feel like....like, massage school!
Where did that come from?
I think, subconsciously, I just had this...need....to reach out to people. To heal, and be healed by that.
To touch, and be touched.
Insert your own cliche here.
And, somehow, I get these ideas, these compulsions, where seemingly out of nowhere I end up in these situations where I don't really why I came there.
Sometimes the situations are....amazing, you know.
I thank, whoever I have to thank, that I did go to massage school. You know. Or, I know, sorry.
I guess my point is, I am really glad that. I am doing these new things but.
Sometimes I feel like...they are way out there, and I feel afraid, you know. Its like I am a little kid to myself, a little kid pushing limits. And the adult part of me is like WTF are you DOING STOP THAT YOU CANT DO THAT. ITS DANGEROUS. or...will i be okay with this if i do it? Or will i be unable to look at myself, not like myself. but have to live with myself forever afterward.
New things are...blind, grey areas.
I can't be scared of grey...but I cant be like WHOOOYEAH about them either.
I think I just get worried sometimes that new things will change me...in ways that I know I dont want to happen. Eh I dunno.
Its tough cuz theres never really that person who you can talk these things out with, everyone is biased. Even a therapist would be biased, you know.
But maybe some things you just arent supposed to tell other people, and get advice or counsel.
You just. have to do it yourself. Trust yourself and um. Eh I dunno its late.
Or maybe its all just a silly rebelious thing, you know. Do all these crazy things, live an extraordinary life. Have crazy ass memories to look back and be mortified and amazed that you didnt die from stupidity.
Write your memoirs, no make that fiction. That way you can end it how you want.
So much so that sometimes you can't even think or be where you are, your brain is too busy yelling, "HOW THE EFF DID I GET HERE HOW THE EFF DID I GET HERE OMIGOD OMIGOD WHAT SHOULD I BE DOING".
except youre not saying EFF. Youre saying a word that STARTS with an eff.
i just dont get this.
its like some switch got thrown, and then all of a sudden I started doing stuff thats. insane. or, okay, not insane, but like. NEVER saw coming, NEVER thought of, or considered but somehow, it must have, or else i wouldnt have these experiences.
I mean, the only. theory that i have about this is.
that subconsciously, not entirely conscious, I know where I lack things in my life.
I feel like....like, massage school!
Where did that come from?
I think, subconsciously, I just had this...need....to reach out to people. To heal, and be healed by that.
To touch, and be touched.
Insert your own cliche here.
And, somehow, I get these ideas, these compulsions, where seemingly out of nowhere I end up in these situations where I don't really why I came there.
Sometimes the situations are....amazing, you know.
I thank, whoever I have to thank, that I did go to massage school. You know. Or, I know, sorry.
I guess my point is, I am really glad that. I am doing these new things but.
Sometimes I feel like...they are way out there, and I feel afraid, you know. Its like I am a little kid to myself, a little kid pushing limits. And the adult part of me is like WTF are you DOING STOP THAT YOU CANT DO THAT. ITS DANGEROUS. or...will i be okay with this if i do it? Or will i be unable to look at myself, not like myself. but have to live with myself forever afterward.
New things are...blind, grey areas.
I can't be scared of grey...but I cant be like WHOOOYEAH about them either.
I think I just get worried sometimes that new things will change me...in ways that I know I dont want to happen. Eh I dunno.
Its tough cuz theres never really that person who you can talk these things out with, everyone is biased. Even a therapist would be biased, you know.
But maybe some things you just arent supposed to tell other people, and get advice or counsel.
You just. have to do it yourself. Trust yourself and um. Eh I dunno its late.
Or maybe its all just a silly rebelious thing, you know. Do all these crazy things, live an extraordinary life. Have crazy ass memories to look back and be mortified and amazed that you didnt die from stupidity.
Write your memoirs, no make that fiction. That way you can end it how you want.