oh bam! we knew it was coming
It's awkward, almost sad really, how palpable the relief I have felt since last Friday is.
I got fired and I'm so happy.
And that's so wrong.
Just that moment, sitting across the table from my kind-of boss (the go between guy, I guess) when he pursed his lips, "I don't have good news..." and every part of my body just melted, "OH THANK GOD."
The unfortunate part of this story is that while they're searching for my replacement I've agreed to continue working. Everyone I've worked with since then agrees that my teaching has improved 10-fold since that day. Because I'm relaxed, because I'm no longer stretched tight trying to do everything exactly right I'm finally open and everyone can feel the difference.
Of course while there's a certain release in getting let go from such an unhappy situation, there is still that minor panic, will I be able to find a new job? And even more distressing, will I be able to find a new apartment? --apparently, when my company helped me "find" my current apartment, they also helped me sign a few papers that I didn't know about...lose the job, lose the apartment. so pissed since that knowledge came to light--
But mostly, I feel better than I have in a long time. I had lost 10 pounds during the two month period working this job--10 pounds on a diet of Doritos, m&ms, and coke. While I have the pounds to lose without any health issue, doing it because you're so stressed out you can't find the hunger or ambition to eat a real meal is not awesome. Also, doritos and M&Ms not a sustainable diet for a human being; they do not keep everything running right. This weekend, though, I'm beginning to feel like me again. Not just the girl who is living for the next concert, but also the girl who loves traveling, prospecting, making things. The girl who sometimes wears flannel and jeans. The girl who got straight As through-out high school and college.
I had an interview on Saturday (3.5 hrs of interview!) with the Osaka Board of Education for a job teaching directly for them at schools in the area. It felt like it went OK, and I'm hoping they thought so too. But maybe, if I don't get the offer, a little part of my brain is saying maybe maybe...maybe we're done with Japan? I really want to end on my own terms though; I don't want to feel like I'm running home-running away.
I got fired and I'm so happy.
And that's so wrong.
Just that moment, sitting across the table from my kind-of boss (the go between guy, I guess) when he pursed his lips, "I don't have good news..." and every part of my body just melted, "OH THANK GOD."
The unfortunate part of this story is that while they're searching for my replacement I've agreed to continue working. Everyone I've worked with since then agrees that my teaching has improved 10-fold since that day. Because I'm relaxed, because I'm no longer stretched tight trying to do everything exactly right I'm finally open and everyone can feel the difference.
Of course while there's a certain release in getting let go from such an unhappy situation, there is still that minor panic, will I be able to find a new job? And even more distressing, will I be able to find a new apartment? --apparently, when my company helped me "find" my current apartment, they also helped me sign a few papers that I didn't know about...lose the job, lose the apartment. so pissed since that knowledge came to light--
But mostly, I feel better than I have in a long time. I had lost 10 pounds during the two month period working this job--10 pounds on a diet of Doritos, m&ms, and coke. While I have the pounds to lose without any health issue, doing it because you're so stressed out you can't find the hunger or ambition to eat a real meal is not awesome. Also, doritos and M&Ms not a sustainable diet for a human being; they do not keep everything running right. This weekend, though, I'm beginning to feel like me again. Not just the girl who is living for the next concert, but also the girl who loves traveling, prospecting, making things. The girl who sometimes wears flannel and jeans. The girl who got straight As through-out high school and college.
I had an interview on Saturday (3.5 hrs of interview!) with the Osaka Board of Education for a job teaching directly for them at schools in the area. It felt like it went OK, and I'm hoping they thought so too. But maybe, if I don't get the offer, a little part of my brain is saying maybe maybe...maybe we're done with Japan? I really want to end on my own terms though; I don't want to feel like I'm running home-running away.