what to do???

[nochit427]

so im sitting at aarons apartment right now...hes sleeping....

i wish he wasnt so tired so i could talk to him....i started to talk to him but i dont think he can think cause hes tired.

i want things back to the way they were.....you know me being happy.....
i feel like everything is going smooth until i said something today!

i should just learn to keep my mouth shut! i know rachel is probably pissed at me right now....but im so mixed with emotions!

should i just forget about any possiblity with aaron.....
or should i let myself think that he can treat me the best i can be treated!!

i dont think he wants to loose me but i cant go on like this! i need to know what is going on in his head!

this weekend i found out something that bugs me.....aaron knows what i found out...
i cant let it bug me because we arent going out!! but it hurt my feelings beyond belief! i just can let him know! i feel so betrayed but i shouldnt....i feel like i dont matter..but i know i do!

i just dont know what to think anymore! i was starting to become ok with us not being together....but then when i have fun with him and i feel like he is having fun with me i cant helo but want that back!

what am i doing....am i setting myself up for another fall!! i hope not!
am i blowing things out of propotion? should i believe that he never stopped loving me! but if that is true then how could he have done what i know he did!!!

i will never understand him and i dont think i ever will!!

if he is going to break my heart again i hope he does it soon!