(no subject)

[noboobsnorbooty]

i keep trying to change things before i fall apart with them. is it to much to ask for. all i ever wanted was to be a part of something. to have a place. some where i fucking belong. but lifes not a puzzle. some times t he pieces dont fucking fit. some are ugly, or stupid, fat, psychotic ect. some pieces just dont fit. i found the place i wanted to be a part of. and for the last year of my life thats all i ever paid attention to was tryin to put my self in that place. hah what a fucking joke wat that. i wasnt even meant to be here and yet i expected that if i tried to be what every one wanted me to be that i might actually have a place in this fucked world. no it really is to much to ask. i know i dont deserve what i have already and yet im pleding, BEGGING for more. i believe that your born and live in hell then die to go to heaven, that is if you make it there. burning for eternity cant be as much hell as earth can it? my eyes are never dry. im fallin so fast and so hard. im lost and confused. i dont fucking know what to do. i keep running away bc that all i want. freedom. i want to be free from this hell of a life but i know it'll never be. everything is stopping me i try so hard to get away but it never works. im trapped, in a cage. and my demons have the key. i dont want to even try to make it anymore. i will give in. i will surrender. i will fail them. i dont have the fighting will inside of me anymore. i have no will to do anything. not even live.
we all agreed that Beth is on our side, now she has the power to REALLY help us. in heaven she is watching over us she is our angel protecting us and bringing us all together. we said shed work things out. we said shed find away. she did. she found away to bring us all together. all of us but me. maybe i never was a part of anything. maybe i wasnt meant to be.