No Apologies: Love is Dead - 2/?
He's back! He's back again...Just like before...
"Come here...Cashel..." he smiles and I toddle forward, just barely able to keep the feet working properly...In all fairness, I'm about 3. "Come on..." he gestures for me to hurry forward, his big hands only inches away...It's not fair, he keeps moving everytime I get a little further forward...
"Daddy-" I cry, hands stretching out for him, I'm just a child, waddling forward...
"Come on..." I take another step with my tiny little foot, "that's right..." he smiles, "You can do it..."
"D-daddy!" I cry as he moves a little further back.
"See...Your walking!" he cheers me on, but I guess he spoke too soon because I crumble to the ground, a little mess of wailing and tears...
"I'm...sorry. Princess, I'm so sorry." he says and I feel my head snap up, I'm no longer 3...I'm 17. And he's gone...Gone and never coming back...To help me walk again.
"Well, well, well..." comes the deep dark dreary chuckle from behind me, I spin around to face the one face I'd rather leave behind then keep having haunt me in my memories...
"...Kirito."
He smiles that wasteful pitiful smile, it still reaches my heart and I yearn to let loose some rage...
"You've grown..." he says.
"So have you, you filthy pig!" I snarl at him.
He ticks his tounge and shakes head head, lifting that jaw line of his into the air sternly, he's making himself seem better then me...I hate him. I hate all men. There all the same. Disgusting vile self centered egotistical things...That only listen to what's in their pants then what's in their hearts, all of them...all are the same.
"That's no way for a princess to act.." he says 'princess' like my father would, but it's a not so kind tone, "That man really spoiled you rotten...turned you into a brat..."
"YOU KNOW NOTHING!" I bark at him, my whole body is in fighting stance, I'll take him out if I have too...
"I know more then you think...You're not safe here." he nods around me, "You'll only get in further trouble..."
"SHUT UP!"
"It's true...Who's gonna save you?" Kirito's head still held high like he knows something, something he can never tell me...I have to figure it out by myself as his eyes deem down on me...
"...I don't need anyone to save-"
"It's those agents isn't it?" he snickers and I shudder, he does know...and I hate him for it. "You think the government can save you?"
"There...not like the government..." I argue but he just laughs a heartless cold laugh, jaw still up straight.
"...There all the same." his eyes linger away from me and I turn to see what he's looking at...It's the mansion. My home, it's back...But I burned it...
"...I don't need them to save me." I said cooly.
"No, you don't. But that doesn't mean they don't think so..." he sighs and glares back at me, "You'll turn into one of them one day...I'm afraid..."
"And what does that mean?" I snap.
"...You're one of us, Cashel. Viola was right. And you just won't admit it."
"I'm nothing like you!" I glare him down, not caring he won't meet my gaze.
"...And you're more like them?" he rolls his eyes and I see images of Kaoru and Kyo in my head...
"No, I'm not..."
"Exactly." he chuckles and lowers his chin for just a minute to finally meet my gaze, I straighten up expecting him to tell me that something the thing he's been hiding..."You will see they are nothing like they seem..."
"I think your fucked up."
"I'm not the one who refuses to speak, my dear." he bows graciously to me and I know he's waiting to say more but I'm done listening-
"Get out of my dreams you sick bastard." I order and he just raises that chin of his and smiles and in a flash-
I'm sitting up in my room. Kaoru's whistling can be heard from the kitchen...Is that bacon I smell?
"RISE AND SHIIIINE!" comes the call from outside, I groan and pull the covers back over my head...Maybe I could of stayed in my dream for a little longer...
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The order came yesterday. For her to be sent appropriatly to the doctor in our profession. Kaoru and I aren't her parents but...guardian would suffice until another living relative came along...So far, we haven't found one. Shinya is all over it.
"RISE AND SHIIINE!" Kaoru's voice from downstairs makes me sigh, as I zip up my FBI jacket, it's going to be a long day...
"Did you drug the coffee?" I ask him idly, sitting down.
"Yes..." he says solemnly, "But I'll only give it out if she disagrees."
"Uh, huh." I nod and I sip my own cup...
Yesterday our conversation had taken on a new meaning...It was time for us to get to work. And being "bring you daughter to work day" practically...We'd made the perfect oppurtunity for it appear like Cashel wasn't...guilty of any gang raging...
"Hey!" Kaoru called down the hall, "WAKE UP!"
"..." Cashel trotted into the kitchen looking throughly ready to just plop back into bed, "..." she glared up at Kaoru darkly for waking her up, he just beamed back and handed her a plate of bacon...
"Good morning." I nod to her and she nods back and takes a seat next to me.
"We...uh, have something to talk to you about, Cashel." Kaoru insists to start off the day like this...and I know we might as well get it over with...
She glances up at him and then at me as I clunk my coffee cup down on the table, "Yes, Cashel...We need to bring you in for some...questioning..."
Cashel is up in a flash, the chair knocked over and her eyes wider then wide...I was ready for this and stand to warningly glare at her, "..." she shakes her head furiously back and forth...
"You have too. It's for your health." I warn. I've been patient, I tell myself...this healing process...We'd both agreed it wasn't working...
"WE CAN'T JUST SEND HER OFF!" I'd screeched at Kaoru only the day before as Cashel had locked herself in her room for the night...She rarely ate dinner now.
"It's not...sending off...But Toshiya says the boss really...needs to get her checked out. What if she's like...a big part of a new mafia based plan?" Kaoru looked around, paranoia easing out of him...
"You've read to many manga, Kaoru." I say darkly, "This is stupid."
"But necessary..." Kaoru sighs, I can tell he doesn't agree but he has to listen to those higher up, "...It'll just be Die. Maybe...he can figure this out...?"
"Die," I snort, "Kaoru! When has Die EVER figured something out we didn't already know?"
"...First time for everything?" he offers with a nervous smile, I race my fist as if to punch him in the stomach and he recoils nervously, "L-look! She needs us to do this okay! She's not getting better! and if...if it could be the truth...the worst truth..."
"What truth?" I snarl.
"...Well, Toshiya had some theories..." Kaoru muttered.
I glance him over carefully, "What kind of...theories?" I growl, knowing this is sick twisted fetish Toshiya were talking about...
"...Well he says she could be pregnant..." Kaoru twisted his hands, only to hide them under his armpits, as he crossed them overhimself.
"Pregnant?" I repeat quizzically.
"Yeah, Toshiya says being the next...heiress someone could of gotten her pregnant and she doesn't want to-"
"That is stupid."
"But there is a chance, Kyo!" Kaoru bit his lip.
A long pause before Kyo sneered, "You just...want to find out if she's pregnant so you can bang her don't you?"
"That is not the topic here!" Kaoru growled.
"Then how can you listen to Toshiya? She's not! I think a bulge would of appeared, don't you?"
"...I'm just saying checking is for the best..." Kaoru lowered his head, he clearly felt defeated and didn't know what else to do...
I can't blame him he's doing his job, and this is my job too. If Cashel were a threat...well, she is...but something tells me she's not...
Not yet.
"Alright..." I finally agreed.
"...She'll hate me." Kaoru whispered wanefully.
I nodded, "You and me both...Good luck to Die on this one."
"...." she just stared wide eyed between both of us, her feet stance told me she didn't want too but she would fight if she had too...
"It's a medical check up..." Kaoru tried to say, she just glowered at him, shutting him up...
"We...just need you to give it a shot.." I offer, but she returns the favor with a swift stamp of her foot and refuses to look at me...
I hear it then...A long sigh, but the sigh isn't forgiving or weak...It's done compromising...It's Kaoru.
"Cashel, you will go to this appointment, do you hear me?" Kaoru is moving toward her and she's looking around while still glaring at him for a weapon of some means, "...You have too. It's just for a check up and then you can go home and never leave the house again, I don't care. Just do this." he was in leader mode and I knew better then to interrupt or argue with him when he got like this...
She finally realized there were no weapons around her and turning back to Kaoru who was cool and swiftly right in front of her, "...Hmph-" she jarred her knee up right into his groin and he gasped falling over, OWCH.
She was running to the door but I grabbed her arms and pushed her down into the chair, "Gomen..." I say to her softly and she just lowers her head and shakes quietly...
I nod to Kaoru to get up, he does with amazing physique, while still limping and grabs the coffee cup...I take it from him and say, "Drink..."
She shakes her head, "..."
"Come on...drink...Cashel...come on." I'm talking gently and something in her wakes up...
"Come on..." I take another step with my tiny little foot, "that's right..." he smiles, "You can do it..."
She lets me bring the cup to her lips and sips it down weakly, only a little dribbles down her chin and I wipe it away, "There..." I smile weakly and she blinks up at me...
"All done?" I ask she nods and stands, "...See we won't hurt you..."
She's still standing and she stares back at me, questioningly...
"Wait, but the drugged cup-" Kaoru blinked, "...I thought-"
"I switched the coffee cups while you called her." I said simply.
"Wait, what?" Kaoru blinked.
"You got the drugged one." I said bluntly.
"SON OF A-" Kaoru was out on the floor in a second.
"Now...shall we go?" I reached out a hand for her to take and she nodded and took it...
After all, this life isn't about cornering someone. Or making them do something. It's not about apologizing... It's about getting even.
After getting Cashel in the car, I dragged drugged Kaoru along for the hell of it (also to make sure there wasn't an OD of whatever he put in that cup...Off to work.
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Ah! Friday! I love Fridays! Nice to just know soon I'll be off on weekend to maybe do something other then stay in this lousy office...Of course, I still needed Shinya to agree to accompany me...Damn him. Damn his silences...
A resounding but quiet knock on my door made me look up and speak of the devil there was Shinya, look quaint and nervous as always, "Yes?" I smiled up at him. Shinya was the secretary for our offices and the best there was in my opinion...Screw blonde bimbos in short skirts...Mmm, Shinya.
"...There is a new patient here to see you..."
"Who?" I blink, looking down at my schedule, "The only one I have is-"
"Kyo brought her in. Kaoru is passed out on the couch." Shinya nodded quietly.
I sigh, pushing myself up, "Sounds like a normal visit." I laugh, "Did Kaoru go drinking again?"
"No, I think...Kyo drugged him." Shiyna nodded again.
"...What?" I blinked and motioned for him to lead the way. Shinya led me down the hallway to the waiting room...
Soon enough Kaoru was totally out on the couch, but his eyes were open and he looked like he'd been drugged...He was also quite red in the face, whatever he'd gotten had taken an effect...Kyo was there on the other side of the room acting like he didn't know the poor man he'd obviously drugged...
and a girl was slowly using a magazine to fan Kaoru's face...
"If you keep that up, Cashel. When he wakes up...He'll probably just pass out again." Kyo admits and Cashel stops fanning Kaoru to nod back.
"Hey!" I smile around at the room.
"Die," Kyo gets up and I'm slightly taken aback, "Hey." I take a few steps back, pulling Shinya along with me..."
The girl seems to take notice and stands up too, "..."
"Nice to see you doing well, Kyo...Staying out of trouble?" I smile.
"Yeah," Kyo frowns up at me and looks over at the girl, "Here's your patient."
"...Which? The girl on the couch or the one standing now?" I joke and she just smiles lightly, "See? I made her smile!" I laugh a little, "Nice to meet you! My name's Dr. Die. It's a pleasure to meet you...?"
"..." she stares back at me blankly, and I blink...Great another quiet one!
"...Her name is Cashel." Kyo fills me in, "She's one of the resounding daughters of the last mafia boss..."
"M-Mafia boss!?" I squeak, feeling my limbs shake as I stare in shock at her and then move my vision slowly back to Kyo, "...Y-you're kidding!"
"...No."
"KYO! ARE YOU TRYING TO GET ME KILLED?" I barked at him.
"...Her family is gone. They dispersed a little over a few weeks ago..."
"...Oh." I stop to look at Shinya to see if this was true, he nodded.
"..." she steps forward toward me and I straighten up and step back a little, but she reaches out her hand and I blink to slowly raise mine and shake her hand...She's smiling...Weird.
"Well, Cashel!" I smile, "Let's get you checked out...Um..." I turn her over to Shinya who smiles reassuringly back at her and nods for her to follow him to my office...
"...So..." Kyo looks up at me, "Kaoru is okay?"
I spare the guy on the couch a glance, "Yeah. He'll be okay. He'll wake up in a few minutes. Get him some water. He'll need it."
"Okay." Kyo nodded.
"Is there anything in particulr you think I should ask?" I adjust my lab coat.
"...No." Kyo says but then seems to rethink it, "Try to figure out why she won't talk."
"...She did..before?" I blink, I'd always just thought of quiet people as quiet. But maybe...Shinya once did talk more...
"Of course, a lot..." Kyo shrugged, "She was quite loud mouthed actually."
"Like how much?" I asked.
"Like..Kaoru?" Kyo offered.
"Wow..." I said, "Okay. I'll see what I can do, buddy." I turned to my office and thought over my ideas...for examination...
"Here." Shinya surprised me and handed me her form.
"Thanks." I nodded.
"She seems really sad and lost." Shinya said and I blinked down at him, "Go easy." he said and passed me.
"Thanks..." I said watching him walk off, only to shake my head and focus on the moment at hand...
As I entered the room she was sitting there looking down at the ground...of the office...
"Hey! So, Cashel..." I looked over her form, "Your 17? That's nice! I miss those years!"
She looked up at me, like I was an idiot...
"...and you live with Kyo and Kaoru right now?" I frown down at the form, "That's gotta be 'fun'..."
She nods, and I sigh...This is gonna be harder then I thought.
"Kyo, wants me to ask you...why you stopped talking...But if you have something else you want to talk about with me..."
"..." she just eyes me uncomfortably.
I chuckle, "You think this is ridiculous, don't you?"
She blinks and nods.
"...Well, so do I. You obviously don't want to talk to me."
"..." she crosses her arms and glances away.
"...Well, I guess your situation calls for it." I nod and sigh, "I'm not in the mafia or anything...but I have a few patients who were...Lots of trauma."
She glares at me, oh, wrong turn Dr. Die.
"..." she reaches out her hand suddenly and I blink, expecting she wants to shake my hand again, but she's pointing to my clipboard...it has her form and a few blank pages on it...
"This?" I offer and hand it too her, she takes the pen off the top of the bulletin board and takes off the form..."...Oh, do you like to write?" I offer.
She nods and I lean forward watching the words she scrawls down...
My mentality is that there's nothing to lose
The meaningless times dissappear, ah, they're nothing
My mentality is that there's nothing to lose
I live aimlessly, ah, I can't change
Where should I go? My heart...cannot be satisfied
I embrace my broken up life
I blink, "Wow...you certainly seem to understand what you want and who you are." she glares up at me and taps the paper...
I nod and read on further,
Even if I repeat these words
My glass wings are cold and wet, and I shiver with loneliness
If I can sever the darkness of my memories
Even if I can't speak it
I've grown to want to live like I'm broken
I plop down next to her, "That's impressive. But...do you think that's true? Do you think this sort of thinking is due to some kind of...prior happening in your life?"
She shakes her head and taps the paper again, I lean forward to read the title she puts at the top...
Love is Dead
"I see..." I say and she nods, "I'm sorry. You must of lost a lot of loved ones..."
She nods, "...y-yeah." she says quietly. And I blink up to look at her.
"You talked!" I cheered.
She nods and smiles, "..."
"That's good! But...I guess you won't talk much out of here will you?"
She shakes her head no, "For now..."
"Ah," I say, "Would you mind coming back to see me for another appointment?" I offer kindly, "It's your choice."
She looks around the room and back at me before nodding.
"Great!" I smile and give her a good pat on the back, "By the way maybe you should give that to Kyo? He likes poems and stuff like that...You should ask him to sing! He's got a nice voice!" Die chuckled.
She nodded and plopped down off her chair, to move to the door...Shinya met us there and warmly escorted her back to the waiting room...I watched her walk off and thought to myself...She wasn't nearly as weak or pathetic as I thought she was...
I repeat my mistakes, I hold out my arm
Ah, I can't allow this
I can't stop the tears from flowing alone
I feel the sigh from you, who is leaving
As I decide it's about time to follow, I move to the waiting room to see Kaoru is indeed up and ticked at Kyo...He keeps glaring at him.
"KAORU!" I greet him and he looks up to smile at me, "How are you?"
"I'm okay now! But this asshole totally drugged me!" Kaoru pointed to Kyo who just shrugged from across the room.
"Yeah, I noticed." I laughed lightly, "Anyway, we'll be having another appointment tomorrow, Kyo." I smile.
"Was there progress?" Kyo blinked, as if unexpecting it.
I nod and grin over at Cashel, "Isn't that, right?"
She nodded and smiled back.
Shinya shuffled behind me, and I swear I saw a small smile on his lips...
"SHE'S NOT PREGNANT IS SHE?" Kaoru lunged at me.
"...No." I blink surprised.
"THANK GOD." Kaoru cried.
WHACK-
The heavy bound bible I kept in my waiting room slammed up against the back of Kaoru's head knocking him out again. Cashel stood there glaring after him.
"Hahahahaha..." I laughed, noticing Kyo smile encourgaingly at her and she just smiled proudly over the now passed out form of Kaoru again...
Your warm hand is honest, even now
You who are shining, are left in my eyes
I make the overflowing feelings bloom in my heart
"Let's go." Kyo nodded and pushed her toward the door, "Tell him to come back when he gets conscience."
Kaoru groaned on the floor and weakly stood up, "I'm coming.." he grumbled.
"Little bastard faking it-" Kyo snickered.
I watched them all walk to the door and I had to admit I hadn't seen Kyo so happy...
"Will you love me? Don't you want to love me?"
Even if I repeat these words
My glass wings are cold and wet, and I shiver with loneliness
If I can sever the darkness of my memories
Even if I can't speak it
I've grown to want to live like I'm broken...