and it comes forth...
i will kill the world you know and rebuild it in the image that circulates in my mind. the world will reform according to my design. i will control all.
yes, control. that is the heart of the issue. i want it taken from me so that i can regain it. the drama of the struggle. the concept of victim/slave versus god/master/aggressor. i want to be that victim. i want to be broken down to feel like nothing. to be forced to face my deepest insecurities and then rebuild it all before your eyes to become stronger. i am better than all who have come before because i will not be beaten down by the past. i believe in the future.
i want to be raped and torn apart until there is nothing left of who i thought i was. i want to forget what the sun is and where north is only to come back with a vengeance. i want to die and be reborn. i will be the phoenix that rises from the ashes. i want to kill my ego and rebuild it to be someone you have never seen nor even dreamt of.
to be consumed and then continue to exist is the only way to know anything about the truth. i want to face every fear and possibly die trying. i want to do everything i can to experience this fucked up world. only true risk brings about any truth.
i want truth. i want something more than the mundane. fuck safety. fuck sobriety. fuck reality. let's destroy what we know and take everyone with us if we have to. the only way out is through.
i will always risk everything for a small little something. for every insignificant or material thing i lose, i come out stronger and more aware of how and why things and people work the way they do. i refuse to box myself into a certain life.
i must become stronger to withstand what i have in store for myself, but i can do that. it is amazing what the human mind and body and survive. i want to bring my sanity to the point of extinction.
i will do it anyway. even if i know it's not safe. even if i know i shouldn't. because i must.
i will never be what i want to be or what you want me to be, but i can and will be better than anything you could have imagined.
and now i must go puke up this alcohol and go to sleep so i can make it to work in 6 hours. wish me luck.
yes, control. that is the heart of the issue. i want it taken from me so that i can regain it. the drama of the struggle. the concept of victim/slave versus god/master/aggressor. i want to be that victim. i want to be broken down to feel like nothing. to be forced to face my deepest insecurities and then rebuild it all before your eyes to become stronger. i am better than all who have come before because i will not be beaten down by the past. i believe in the future.
i want to be raped and torn apart until there is nothing left of who i thought i was. i want to forget what the sun is and where north is only to come back with a vengeance. i want to die and be reborn. i will be the phoenix that rises from the ashes. i want to kill my ego and rebuild it to be someone you have never seen nor even dreamt of.
to be consumed and then continue to exist is the only way to know anything about the truth. i want to face every fear and possibly die trying. i want to do everything i can to experience this fucked up world. only true risk brings about any truth.
i want truth. i want something more than the mundane. fuck safety. fuck sobriety. fuck reality. let's destroy what we know and take everyone with us if we have to. the only way out is through.
i will always risk everything for a small little something. for every insignificant or material thing i lose, i come out stronger and more aware of how and why things and people work the way they do. i refuse to box myself into a certain life.
i must become stronger to withstand what i have in store for myself, but i can do that. it is amazing what the human mind and body and survive. i want to bring my sanity to the point of extinction.
i will do it anyway. even if i know it's not safe. even if i know i shouldn't. because i must.
i will never be what i want to be or what you want me to be, but i can and will be better than anything you could have imagined.
and now i must go puke up this alcohol and go to sleep so i can make it to work in 6 hours. wish me luck.