The problem with IM chat
Is aim productive or destructive behavior? It probably depends on the degree to which you use it. It should never be a lifestyle. The value of one on one communication is important and should always be practiced. People just flat out are obsessed with aim. It's a bit too much if you don't use it for the right reasons. I think I need to cool it down man. Aim is too much. Sure I get home, and before i do anything, i just wanna check out the AIM, see who's online and feels like chatting. But it's not really communicating and that's the problem, you lack certain values that are important. Now blogs I'm ok with. i think they're useful for memory and self-interpretation, but they can be obsessed, and I guess everything can be. Certain things are easier to be obsessed with than others. AIM for me is too easy to get obsessed with. I'm sick of AIM. It's crap. It's too fun to socialize, but i could do that for the rest of my life. I can't just stop using it, because it's useful, and it's easy to get in touch with people. Time to quit using AIM so much. What a waste of time. When I could be doing other things, like preparing my life for better things. That's it aim, you suck. And yet, i can't sign off. I really think it's become an addiction. I've got to quit man! Damn. Need an AIM patch. It'd be easier to quit smoking that quit AIM. Blah.
This last week has been an incredible roller coaster of emotions. There has been a lot of pain and hurt. And it's hard to even write about it. I can sit here and wish and wish and wish that things were different and that she could be here in Texas. But that's impossible and it can't be changed and I have to accept that. I love Shannon, and I respect who she is. It's that value of respect that most people lack and is the very reason to why the love that people say they have, just diminishes. There are things that have to be done in life. There are times to grow and change. I'm more stubborn than Shannon is and I refuse to see certain things. Years of long distance would have been incredibly stressful and demanding. Impossible more rather. I will never let go of the love I have for her. She takes up a large share of my heart, and it will always be with her. I know from the bottom of my heart, that she will become the woman she means to be. An amazing woman, and it just breaks my heart to say goodbye to the greatest thing that ever happened to me. She would say..."you're not saying goodbye", yes I know. I'm not really saying goodbye, you'll always be there. We won't stop talking. It's not like I'll never hear her voice again. But there are things that won't be there. The little things that make me smile, that I know won't be there is what hurts. Holding her hand, making her smile, spinning her around in fucking circles, and lying next to her night after night. It's those things I'm saying goodbye to, and that's why it becomes so hard for me. Because there's a passion between us that I've never felt. I've never been so amazed. She puts me in awe in so many ways. I love her, and I know she has to grow without me, because she couldn't if she had to linger on to what was left behind. This is probably one of the most difficult things to understand. And it doesn't make sense unless you've really loved someone. And I've finally realized what's happening. It all happened so fast, but that's what life does. It goes by and before you know it, you've lived most of it.
Today we spent time together at Zilker Park. It was so great to see her. I'm glad she's doing good. She looked so great and I've never been happier for her. Before she got there, I got there a little earlier and went looking for a place to sit. I had a bouquet of a dozen roses that i put on the table under a tree and set my gift and card next to it. Then I was going to go meet her at the train. Well I was waiting and just hanging out. Then I decided to go check on the roses since it had been awhile, aaaand they fell over. :( All the water fell out and I saw this kid throwing a frisbee right over it. I'm like no sir, you are dead. But I didn't say anything, because i could feel the wind and it made sense. Sooooo I ran to my car got a water bottle ran back to the front buildilng and got water and went back to the roses. Filled it up with water. This time, i managed to find big rocks to support it and i ran back to find Shannon.
I'll never forget seeing her standing there. I wanted it to last forever. I could have seen her from a mile away. Tried to sneak up on her, but she turned around when i was closer. =) It's weird when you know it's the last time for some time, you don't want to forget anything. You want every moment to be the best. That's the way life should always be. Well we talked for a couple hours and I lost my keys and yea another story. Had to find em. I secretly lost them so I could spend more time with her...mwah haha.. No actually I really lost my keys because I'm occasionally an idiot. Ended up finding them in the grass. Way to go. Whoo.
Well she went to her hair appointment at 345 aaaand I went to go pick up the deposit check from the previous landlord. 1200 bucks baby. And I realized i was really far south and I thought I'd go visit some family ;) Not really my family. But I like to call em my family. It was great to see em. I had to promise Kathy that I'd come out to study lol. I was like yes m'am, as long as y'all promise to come karaoke sometime. So it's a deal. Such an amazing group of people. I've never been so taken back by how beautiful people can be. As corny as it may sound, i'm starting to realize how important it is. Something I've never had, and hope one day that I can.
I love what Shannon gave me. I'm going to get one of the links out and it should be the perfect length. We both got each other engravements which was kind of interesting. What do you call a manly bracelet? I coudln't think of the word. A band? Yea a band there ya go.
I'm tired of things. Gotta get out of mom and pops. It's not for me. It's old...very old. It's literally stressing me out and making things worse. I can't evolve here. I'm trapped in the past. Some goals of mine: Get out. Get that position at North Austin MC. Begin MCAT studies. Finish Pre-Med this spring. I am sick of the same lifestyle over and over. I need some serious change.
Ya know, it's weird because technically I'm single, but my heart isn't. Does that make sense? I just don't want anybody. Shannon is so incredible, they'll never be anyone like her. That's a fact. And that doesn't make me a lockup. That just means I'm going to stay focused. I'll get my goals done. One thing at a time. I can worry about my heart later. Being financially stable should be a goal of everyone's. What is this getting married crap? Man people are getting married early. Screw all that. What's the point? I'm too hungry to get married now. Got things I want to do. Feed the ambitions.
Why did it go from Red River Shootout .. to Red River Rivalry? And this is a big deal, it was not cheap to change the title. What's the deal on that one?
I had like one and a half glasses of wine tonight and I am feeling the buzz. Geez.. Such a lightweight.
Well, all I can say is, I hope the best for Shannon. I can only see her in the highest places achieving the greatest things. I see nothing less. She's going to do great. I would wish her luck, but she doens't need that crap. Luck is for babies. ;)
Good night
This last week has been an incredible roller coaster of emotions. There has been a lot of pain and hurt. And it's hard to even write about it. I can sit here and wish and wish and wish that things were different and that she could be here in Texas. But that's impossible and it can't be changed and I have to accept that. I love Shannon, and I respect who she is. It's that value of respect that most people lack and is the very reason to why the love that people say they have, just diminishes. There are things that have to be done in life. There are times to grow and change. I'm more stubborn than Shannon is and I refuse to see certain things. Years of long distance would have been incredibly stressful and demanding. Impossible more rather. I will never let go of the love I have for her. She takes up a large share of my heart, and it will always be with her. I know from the bottom of my heart, that she will become the woman she means to be. An amazing woman, and it just breaks my heart to say goodbye to the greatest thing that ever happened to me. She would say..."you're not saying goodbye", yes I know. I'm not really saying goodbye, you'll always be there. We won't stop talking. It's not like I'll never hear her voice again. But there are things that won't be there. The little things that make me smile, that I know won't be there is what hurts. Holding her hand, making her smile, spinning her around in fucking circles, and lying next to her night after night. It's those things I'm saying goodbye to, and that's why it becomes so hard for me. Because there's a passion between us that I've never felt. I've never been so amazed. She puts me in awe in so many ways. I love her, and I know she has to grow without me, because she couldn't if she had to linger on to what was left behind. This is probably one of the most difficult things to understand. And it doesn't make sense unless you've really loved someone. And I've finally realized what's happening. It all happened so fast, but that's what life does. It goes by and before you know it, you've lived most of it.
Today we spent time together at Zilker Park. It was so great to see her. I'm glad she's doing good. She looked so great and I've never been happier for her. Before she got there, I got there a little earlier and went looking for a place to sit. I had a bouquet of a dozen roses that i put on the table under a tree and set my gift and card next to it. Then I was going to go meet her at the train. Well I was waiting and just hanging out. Then I decided to go check on the roses since it had been awhile, aaaand they fell over. :( All the water fell out and I saw this kid throwing a frisbee right over it. I'm like no sir, you are dead. But I didn't say anything, because i could feel the wind and it made sense. Sooooo I ran to my car got a water bottle ran back to the front buildilng and got water and went back to the roses. Filled it up with water. This time, i managed to find big rocks to support it and i ran back to find Shannon.
I'll never forget seeing her standing there. I wanted it to last forever. I could have seen her from a mile away. Tried to sneak up on her, but she turned around when i was closer. =) It's weird when you know it's the last time for some time, you don't want to forget anything. You want every moment to be the best. That's the way life should always be. Well we talked for a couple hours and I lost my keys and yea another story. Had to find em. I secretly lost them so I could spend more time with her...mwah haha.. No actually I really lost my keys because I'm occasionally an idiot. Ended up finding them in the grass. Way to go. Whoo.
Well she went to her hair appointment at 345 aaaand I went to go pick up the deposit check from the previous landlord. 1200 bucks baby. And I realized i was really far south and I thought I'd go visit some family ;) Not really my family. But I like to call em my family. It was great to see em. I had to promise Kathy that I'd come out to study lol. I was like yes m'am, as long as y'all promise to come karaoke sometime. So it's a deal. Such an amazing group of people. I've never been so taken back by how beautiful people can be. As corny as it may sound, i'm starting to realize how important it is. Something I've never had, and hope one day that I can.
I love what Shannon gave me. I'm going to get one of the links out and it should be the perfect length. We both got each other engravements which was kind of interesting. What do you call a manly bracelet? I coudln't think of the word. A band? Yea a band there ya go.
I'm tired of things. Gotta get out of mom and pops. It's not for me. It's old...very old. It's literally stressing me out and making things worse. I can't evolve here. I'm trapped in the past. Some goals of mine: Get out. Get that position at North Austin MC. Begin MCAT studies. Finish Pre-Med this spring. I am sick of the same lifestyle over and over. I need some serious change.
Ya know, it's weird because technically I'm single, but my heart isn't. Does that make sense? I just don't want anybody. Shannon is so incredible, they'll never be anyone like her. That's a fact. And that doesn't make me a lockup. That just means I'm going to stay focused. I'll get my goals done. One thing at a time. I can worry about my heart later. Being financially stable should be a goal of everyone's. What is this getting married crap? Man people are getting married early. Screw all that. What's the point? I'm too hungry to get married now. Got things I want to do. Feed the ambitions.
Why did it go from Red River Shootout .. to Red River Rivalry? And this is a big deal, it was not cheap to change the title. What's the deal on that one?
I had like one and a half glasses of wine tonight and I am feeling the buzz. Geez.. Such a lightweight.
Well, all I can say is, I hope the best for Shannon. I can only see her in the highest places achieving the greatest things. I see nothing less. She's going to do great. I would wish her luck, but she doens't need that crap. Luck is for babies. ;)
Good night