(no subject)
there's a reason i talk like a "dude" and i dont use more specific and intelligent words casually. i actually wish that i could flawlessly pull of a sentence like "sorry, just ignore that malicious note." or "no really i like your parents. i didnt mean to sound so condescending." (jeje made up scenarios of course).. its because i fear the ridicule from speaking up and fucking up. the smug look on my friends' faces when they realize how much more intelligent they probably are than i am. SHIeeeT jiGGa!
joking aside. i think its sad that my hypochondria has extended into my social life, dreams, and aspirations. i've gone from worrying about dying from a horrible rare disease to being a nitwit when it comes to my art, a pessimist towards my future, and an overbearing self-centered asshole to a lot of friends. i dont say this to be cool like most people in this situation. i only am this way when i think of how optimistic i can feel. and how little time i spend feeling that way.
fuck. i wish i was 17 and Star Wars, Batman, the cable access station and pretending to listen to the Smiths were the 4 only things that mattered (well that and girls). i do love a lot of things.. but theres something else missing in my little struggle. is this my 20s?
joking aside. i think its sad that my hypochondria has extended into my social life, dreams, and aspirations. i've gone from worrying about dying from a horrible rare disease to being a nitwit when it comes to my art, a pessimist towards my future, and an overbearing self-centered asshole to a lot of friends. i dont say this to be cool like most people in this situation. i only am this way when i think of how optimistic i can feel. and how little time i spend feeling that way.
fuck. i wish i was 17 and Star Wars, Batman, the cable access station and pretending to listen to the Smiths were the 4 only things that mattered (well that and girls). i do love a lot of things.. but theres something else missing in my little struggle. is this my 20s?