restarting livejournal
Today I'm gonna restart blogging here at livejournal.
It's been a difficult time. I researched religions and for a time I thought there are also other gods than Jesus and His Father. I prayed to Zeus and Krishna. Something happened, but I think it came from my own soul. Now I am returning to Jesus. It was a sin to stray away, but I had to do it to see if it's real. I trust on the cross of Jesus to take care of it.
I'm not an evangelical anymore though. I believe only in portions of the bible, not in the whole book.
I still live in the group home in Marienberg. I get some better medicine now and I am calm and less paranoid. The paranoia also affected how I saw God, I was confused sometimes and was afraid of him. CS Lewis once said, the earnest christian is at once never afraid of God and very afraid of God. And yet, and yet...
In the group home, some things have changed. Wolfgang had died two years ago and now Rico lives in his room. The others are still here too. I have come to enjoy the household duties I have. It's a bit much sometimes and I am still shakey but that's okay. At least the duties are a meaningful way to spend the time.
Two days ago my mother was visiting me. We went to the bookstore and I bought a book of near-death experiences and a daily companion book full of letters from Jesus. It's good stuff, especially the letter book.
My main problem is to find a good christian point that would justify my atheist dad's going to heaven after death. I've asked other christians and they said I should trust my dad came to God in his last lone moments. That could be but I also think of the cross. I believe the cross is something where God saves the otherwise unsaveable. Forgive them, Father, they know not what they are doing. It is finished!
I hope I can reattach myself to some of the lj communities here. Maybe I can find some christian ones...
It's been a difficult time. I researched religions and for a time I thought there are also other gods than Jesus and His Father. I prayed to Zeus and Krishna. Something happened, but I think it came from my own soul. Now I am returning to Jesus. It was a sin to stray away, but I had to do it to see if it's real. I trust on the cross of Jesus to take care of it.
I'm not an evangelical anymore though. I believe only in portions of the bible, not in the whole book.
I still live in the group home in Marienberg. I get some better medicine now and I am calm and less paranoid. The paranoia also affected how I saw God, I was confused sometimes and was afraid of him. CS Lewis once said, the earnest christian is at once never afraid of God and very afraid of God. And yet, and yet...
In the group home, some things have changed. Wolfgang had died two years ago and now Rico lives in his room. The others are still here too. I have come to enjoy the household duties I have. It's a bit much sometimes and I am still shakey but that's okay. At least the duties are a meaningful way to spend the time.
Two days ago my mother was visiting me. We went to the bookstore and I bought a book of near-death experiences and a daily companion book full of letters from Jesus. It's good stuff, especially the letter book.
My main problem is to find a good christian point that would justify my atheist dad's going to heaven after death. I've asked other christians and they said I should trust my dad came to God in his last lone moments. That could be but I also think of the cross. I believe the cross is something where God saves the otherwise unsaveable. Forgive them, Father, they know not what they are doing. It is finished!
I hope I can reattach myself to some of the lj communities here. Maybe I can find some christian ones...