there will always be a reason.
I'm a strong believer in everything you choose to do there will always be a negative and a positive reaction.
Though there are times where I feel I give and give and give and in the end..... i get no thank you in return. I never expect anything in return when i do something for someone else. The only thing I ask is for is a thank you or at lest acknowledgment of what i did for that person. regardless if its a shoulder to cry on or buying something for my friends cause i want to show how much I care about them.
however, I normally do not let people in. I have spoke about this before. Reason why is because i see my thoughts and feels are mine.... I have been hurt used and mind played with ALOT over the years, along with other stuff. cause usually every time i let someone in i do get hurt or used... fear of getting hurt or being used/lied to again could be factored in, Butt i guess...... its just what u become over time. everyone has different growth experiences. mine was no shinning star. I did it all but drugs.
the last week i have had has been hell and it kept getting worse and worse. by the end of it i just felt so alone.... from work load stress, to moving stress, to not being able to sleep cause of nightmares. had a good friend of mine insult/bad mouth the shit out, tell me what he did was no concern of mine and treat me like a used piece of trash he was done with. So by the end of the week, I was sick of everything and was a emotional roller coaster. I was sick of all that and i was sick of everyday shit from needing to wear glasses to see to taken pills required. 2 friends stopped by last night and helped me calm down.
we got Pho and came back. one had to get back for his mate so the other stayed the night with me. I drank some alcohol and then just stopped. and laid back and watched Pulse 2 with him. In the morning I got rid of all my alcohol. I'm just so sick of it. I bought a new wardrobe that I thought was more suited to my self being .... me.
I know I can be a heartless bastard at times, though i try not to be.... really hard. again my background can be factored in here. I do try to be the best i can be. stress and surroundings can just take a real toll on me at times i guess.
I'm strong willed and determined which is a plus. but i guess all alpha's need a break here and there...
Though there are times where I feel I give and give and give and in the end..... i get no thank you in return. I never expect anything in return when i do something for someone else. The only thing I ask is for is a thank you or at lest acknowledgment of what i did for that person. regardless if its a shoulder to cry on or buying something for my friends cause i want to show how much I care about them.
however, I normally do not let people in. I have spoke about this before. Reason why is because i see my thoughts and feels are mine.... I have been hurt used and mind played with ALOT over the years, along with other stuff. cause usually every time i let someone in i do get hurt or used... fear of getting hurt or being used/lied to again could be factored in, Butt i guess...... its just what u become over time. everyone has different growth experiences. mine was no shinning star. I did it all but drugs.
the last week i have had has been hell and it kept getting worse and worse. by the end of it i just felt so alone.... from work load stress, to moving stress, to not being able to sleep cause of nightmares. had a good friend of mine insult/bad mouth the shit out, tell me what he did was no concern of mine and treat me like a used piece of trash he was done with. So by the end of the week, I was sick of everything and was a emotional roller coaster. I was sick of all that and i was sick of everyday shit from needing to wear glasses to see to taken pills required. 2 friends stopped by last night and helped me calm down.
we got Pho and came back. one had to get back for his mate so the other stayed the night with me. I drank some alcohol and then just stopped. and laid back and watched Pulse 2 with him. In the morning I got rid of all my alcohol. I'm just so sick of it. I bought a new wardrobe that I thought was more suited to my self being .... me.
I know I can be a heartless bastard at times, though i try not to be.... really hard. again my background can be factored in here. I do try to be the best i can be. stress and surroundings can just take a real toll on me at times i guess.
I'm strong willed and determined which is a plus. but i guess all alpha's need a break here and there...