life, love, emotions and stuff
well i am waiting to play resistance in army gear cause I'm that insane. But Hallow is on the phone so i thought i would type this.
lately has been a roller coaster of emotions of i don;t know what i want from sex to normal partner stuff. touch and go on things. Meeting people at FCN and talking with people did help me decide on somethings ..... in a few categories.
i guess loving more then one person can be taken here. I wanted an owner and i wanted a pet...... how ever. i am a switch. so i could never have a full out master..... cause i am pretty alpha here and there, same with subby. I don't know, pup can be wild at times lol. i'm in the middle i guess, and kinky as fuck XD
recently a few good friends helped me out with a hard time. and 2 of them really kept on me and came right to my place. I almost did something stupid, but i do owe them a lot for being there. one of those things where u don't realize how much u care about another till .... you know. I think I owe those 2 and a few others my life.
I said something to Hallow today that upset him, and I then realized that I shouldn't have said that cause it was a real kick to the balls and stuff..... I then slowly came to realize how much i cared about him.... he went out for a walk and I ran out after him trying to find him, upset as hell at what i said. I then contacted him by phone and then it died, but got the point out to him about what i wanted to say. While I was out I got some supplies and I got something special for Hallow.
I do care for Hallow a lot and over time we basically have become a couple..... with in reason lol... I got 2 dog tags, one for him and one for me. mine stating my name and stating he was the owner of this pup. and his stating his name and that he is the owner of me. Like I said I could never have a master. but Hallow is one of the ones who came here. cleaned me up and helped me out and was a physical shoulder to cry on. Along with Ryan. and a few others online and long distance
I had the tags in my paws when i came in and i needed a nap so i went and cuddled a plush and feel asleep in bed with them in my paws, I woke up to him giving pup a kiss and he saw what was in my paws and.... he accepted.
now i love Hallow, But I also ... have growing love for Ryan. but i have to talk to him and figure out what he wants to do, cause we had a talk last night and we understood each others feelings more and more. I could never turn my back on Ryan cause he was here physically to help me.... and at that moment, i knew i had stronger feelings for him then i realized i did... He will smack me for this, but hes new to a lot of stuff, and I would love to be there to hold his paw and experience with him each new thing he has to experience. he is letting down his wall to me, and i feel honored that he is doing it to me... Since I do understand the hard to trust people thingy. I have been there for him and helped him out, hell I'm a horny mother fucker, and in all honesty.... just being able to hold him in my paws is...... the world.
Since i do see different levels of love and caring ..... from owners to mates to pets. its hard to explain.
Its just weird. I didn't think i would see my self in this kind of life... style i guess u could call it. but I think..... and i am 100% this is what i really want in life emotional and physically wise..... An Owner, and a pet/mate.... it just feels right....
but this pup is off to place resistance. *readies his gun and fires wildly*
lately has been a roller coaster of emotions of i don;t know what i want from sex to normal partner stuff. touch and go on things. Meeting people at FCN and talking with people did help me decide on somethings ..... in a few categories.
i guess loving more then one person can be taken here. I wanted an owner and i wanted a pet...... how ever. i am a switch. so i could never have a full out master..... cause i am pretty alpha here and there, same with subby. I don't know, pup can be wild at times lol. i'm in the middle i guess, and kinky as fuck XD
recently a few good friends helped me out with a hard time. and 2 of them really kept on me and came right to my place. I almost did something stupid, but i do owe them a lot for being there. one of those things where u don't realize how much u care about another till .... you know. I think I owe those 2 and a few others my life.
I said something to Hallow today that upset him, and I then realized that I shouldn't have said that cause it was a real kick to the balls and stuff..... I then slowly came to realize how much i cared about him.... he went out for a walk and I ran out after him trying to find him, upset as hell at what i said. I then contacted him by phone and then it died, but got the point out to him about what i wanted to say. While I was out I got some supplies and I got something special for Hallow.
I do care for Hallow a lot and over time we basically have become a couple..... with in reason lol... I got 2 dog tags, one for him and one for me. mine stating my name and stating he was the owner of this pup. and his stating his name and that he is the owner of me. Like I said I could never have a master. but Hallow is one of the ones who came here. cleaned me up and helped me out and was a physical shoulder to cry on. Along with Ryan. and a few others online and long distance
I had the tags in my paws when i came in and i needed a nap so i went and cuddled a plush and feel asleep in bed with them in my paws, I woke up to him giving pup a kiss and he saw what was in my paws and.... he accepted.
now i love Hallow, But I also ... have growing love for Ryan. but i have to talk to him and figure out what he wants to do, cause we had a talk last night and we understood each others feelings more and more. I could never turn my back on Ryan cause he was here physically to help me.... and at that moment, i knew i had stronger feelings for him then i realized i did... He will smack me for this, but hes new to a lot of stuff, and I would love to be there to hold his paw and experience with him each new thing he has to experience. he is letting down his wall to me, and i feel honored that he is doing it to me... Since I do understand the hard to trust people thingy. I have been there for him and helped him out, hell I'm a horny mother fucker, and in all honesty.... just being able to hold him in my paws is...... the world.
Since i do see different levels of love and caring ..... from owners to mates to pets. its hard to explain.
Its just weird. I didn't think i would see my self in this kind of life... style i guess u could call it. but I think..... and i am 100% this is what i really want in life emotional and physically wise..... An Owner, and a pet/mate.... it just feels right....
but this pup is off to place resistance. *readies his gun and fires wildly*