Answer: What was the awakening from March 2006 like?
Author's update: Upon looking back into my journal of the time, I found that the awakening event I'm discussing happened in March 2006, not February. So from here out I'll refer to it then. So I'm making an editorial correction, that the moment referred to in the previous blog was in March 2006, not February. :)
Here's a question I got about what I posted from the first two questions of the interview I'm writing to myself, along with my answer. :) I'm about to re-read it to see what I wrote. Hopefully I'm still okay with it. HEHE (You do realize I was a totally different person two days ago, right? I'm really amusing myself right now... but I better stop.)
In March 2006, I seem to have experienced an awakening that added a new dimension to my capacity to observe phenomenon as they are experienced.
Would you mind discussing this awakening? What happened, etc?
Well, realize that I only now am realizing that it was this particular awakening that led me to study the teachings of The Buddha. At the time, I was having a number of waking up moments through my meditation practice. But in hindsight, I look back and realize that there was a significant shift that happened at the time, and that it was this shift that led me to study the teachings of Buddha.
I had been doing the contemplation exercises that Hawkins recommended, where you practice taking the perspective of the observer-witness of the events hat happen through the mind-body; along with the focused mind where you totally immerse yourself in an activity. I had been doing that exercise for over a year, and had grown quite competent at it. (Still do those practices today, really. I see vipassana as a variation of that same exercise.)
When the moment occurred, I had read a passage in CONSCIOUSNESS SPEAKS, by Ramesh Balsekar:
Q: What is a human being, really?
Zen master Tung Shan has expressed this basic fact clearly when he said, "I show the truth to living beings, and then they no longer are living beings." The end question then is, "What really am I now?" Basically all any one is, is an object. And what is an object, as seen through an electron-scanning microscope with its tremendous magnification? Even as it exists at present and based on an intelligent projection, on what the microscope has already revealed, the body appears as nothing but emptiness and certainly not a solid object. Furthermore, deep within this emptiness, the subatomic physicist tells us, is a nucleus which, being an oscillating field begins to dissolve, showing further organized fields--protons, neutrons, and even smaller particles, each of which also dissolves into nothing but the rhythm of the universal pulse. In other words, there is no solidity at all, either at the most sublime level of the body or at the heart of the universe. The compact nucleus at the very heart of the atom, then, is nothing solid at all, but rather a dynamic individual pattern of concentrated energy throbbing and vibrating at incredible speed.
This object, the human body, can be seen from another totally different perspective, equally spectacular. The view of this object, as observed from a distance further and further back, is replaced first by a house, then in turn by a town, a country, a continent, then by the earth as a planet, followed by the solar system, the sun, a galaxy, the Milky Way, and finally by clusters of galaxies rapidly dwindling into points of light in great vastness and about to vanish altogether.
So, the story of the outward and the inward perspectives both come to much the same thing: the human being is virtually empty space and utter illusion. The question then is, "What is our true nature? Who, really, am I or what am I?" The noumenon has become the phenomenal manifestation, the Absolute has become the relative, the potential has become the actual, and the potential energy has become the activated energy. On that empty stage comes this play, and on the empty canvas has come this painting. The source of everything is the potential nothingness. But, because of our limited perception, we think that is real which is perceptible to one of our senses, whereas the real is that which is not perceptible to the senses.
Metaphysically, we are back to the question, "Who is seeking what?" The "who," as we have seen, is nothing but emptiness, so there cannot be a real "who." There cannot be a solid "who." There cannot be a solid, individual entity which is the seeker. We have also seen that what is being sought is also nothing. The "what" that is being sought is not something which can be seen by the eye, which can be heard by the ear, which can be smelled by the nose, which can be tasted by the tongue, or touched by the fingers. So, that something which is being sought is not the same thing at all.
I imagined that I had a friend on the moon. I was on a balcony of someone's apartment at the time. It was daytime, but the moon was out. I imagined I had a friend on the moon, and that I was looking at the moon.
Because I have sentience and my friend has sentience, I realized that through me the earth was looking at the moon, and through my friend the moon was looking at the earth. I felt a deep connection with the earth and the moon, as if 'consciousness having sense-based experience' was all I really was. I actually experienced form as being empty. Like my body was an empty space wherein consciousness could enjoy various experiences. I felt as if all the feelings and sense-based experiences I have were merely the after-effect of consciousness-at-play with itself.
That moment came and passed. But what stayed with me after was this observation that there was an inherent emptiness to myself and to everyone around me. I no longer focused so much on outward appearances. When I observed others, I was more paying attention to the type of experience consciousness was having through that living organism. Was the organism experiencing pleasure? Was the organism experiencing stress/suffering? Was it having an experience that was neither pleasurable nor suffering?
How did anger feel through the other organism? How does it compare with how it feels within 'my' organism?
It's difficult to explain, but I started "seeing" a lot more through how I felt in my inner experience of 'me' in a given circumstance, and a lot less with sights from my eyes,sounds from my ears, touches through my skin, smells through my nose, etc...
People started to seem more like the tip of this massive iceberg, as if there was something much larger moving through the individual. (Sorta in the same sense that through me, the earth was looking at the moon. I was the sentience, but I was also not separate from the earth upon which I was situated. Something much larger was allowing me to 'see' the moon.) I sorta saw it as an electromagnetic field of massive power moving through each individual.
Anyway... when I reread the basic teachings of The Buddha, what I immediately recognized is that suffering is universal. We ALL suffer. It is what bonds us together. I realized that the purpose of enlightenment isn't to escape suffering, but merely to learn to transmute it into a benefit for self and the world. Wherever I "looked" (with my open heart) I saw suffering. So I realized there's no point in trying to run away from it, and I quit trying to avoid it.
Here's a question I got about what I posted from the first two questions of the interview I'm writing to myself, along with my answer. :) I'm about to re-read it to see what I wrote. Hopefully I'm still okay with it. HEHE (You do realize I was a totally different person two days ago, right? I'm really amusing myself right now... but I better stop.)
In March 2006, I seem to have experienced an awakening that added a new dimension to my capacity to observe phenomenon as they are experienced.
Would you mind discussing this awakening? What happened, etc?
Well, realize that I only now am realizing that it was this particular awakening that led me to study the teachings of The Buddha. At the time, I was having a number of waking up moments through my meditation practice. But in hindsight, I look back and realize that there was a significant shift that happened at the time, and that it was this shift that led me to study the teachings of Buddha.
I had been doing the contemplation exercises that Hawkins recommended, where you practice taking the perspective of the observer-witness of the events hat happen through the mind-body; along with the focused mind where you totally immerse yourself in an activity. I had been doing that exercise for over a year, and had grown quite competent at it. (Still do those practices today, really. I see vipassana as a variation of that same exercise.)
When the moment occurred, I had read a passage in CONSCIOUSNESS SPEAKS, by Ramesh Balsekar:
Q: What is a human being, really?
Zen master Tung Shan has expressed this basic fact clearly when he said, "I show the truth to living beings, and then they no longer are living beings." The end question then is, "What really am I now?" Basically all any one is, is an object. And what is an object, as seen through an electron-scanning microscope with its tremendous magnification? Even as it exists at present and based on an intelligent projection, on what the microscope has already revealed, the body appears as nothing but emptiness and certainly not a solid object. Furthermore, deep within this emptiness, the subatomic physicist tells us, is a nucleus which, being an oscillating field begins to dissolve, showing further organized fields--protons, neutrons, and even smaller particles, each of which also dissolves into nothing but the rhythm of the universal pulse. In other words, there is no solidity at all, either at the most sublime level of the body or at the heart of the universe. The compact nucleus at the very heart of the atom, then, is nothing solid at all, but rather a dynamic individual pattern of concentrated energy throbbing and vibrating at incredible speed.
This object, the human body, can be seen from another totally different perspective, equally spectacular. The view of this object, as observed from a distance further and further back, is replaced first by a house, then in turn by a town, a country, a continent, then by the earth as a planet, followed by the solar system, the sun, a galaxy, the Milky Way, and finally by clusters of galaxies rapidly dwindling into points of light in great vastness and about to vanish altogether.
So, the story of the outward and the inward perspectives both come to much the same thing: the human being is virtually empty space and utter illusion. The question then is, "What is our true nature? Who, really, am I or what am I?" The noumenon has become the phenomenal manifestation, the Absolute has become the relative, the potential has become the actual, and the potential energy has become the activated energy. On that empty stage comes this play, and on the empty canvas has come this painting. The source of everything is the potential nothingness. But, because of our limited perception, we think that is real which is perceptible to one of our senses, whereas the real is that which is not perceptible to the senses.
Metaphysically, we are back to the question, "Who is seeking what?" The "who," as we have seen, is nothing but emptiness, so there cannot be a real "who." There cannot be a solid "who." There cannot be a solid, individual entity which is the seeker. We have also seen that what is being sought is also nothing. The "what" that is being sought is not something which can be seen by the eye, which can be heard by the ear, which can be smelled by the nose, which can be tasted by the tongue, or touched by the fingers. So, that something which is being sought is not the same thing at all.
I imagined that I had a friend on the moon. I was on a balcony of someone's apartment at the time. It was daytime, but the moon was out. I imagined I had a friend on the moon, and that I was looking at the moon.
Because I have sentience and my friend has sentience, I realized that through me the earth was looking at the moon, and through my friend the moon was looking at the earth. I felt a deep connection with the earth and the moon, as if 'consciousness having sense-based experience' was all I really was. I actually experienced form as being empty. Like my body was an empty space wherein consciousness could enjoy various experiences. I felt as if all the feelings and sense-based experiences I have were merely the after-effect of consciousness-at-play with itself.
That moment came and passed. But what stayed with me after was this observation that there was an inherent emptiness to myself and to everyone around me. I no longer focused so much on outward appearances. When I observed others, I was more paying attention to the type of experience consciousness was having through that living organism. Was the organism experiencing pleasure? Was the organism experiencing stress/suffering? Was it having an experience that was neither pleasurable nor suffering?
How did anger feel through the other organism? How does it compare with how it feels within 'my' organism?
It's difficult to explain, but I started "seeing" a lot more through how I felt in my inner experience of 'me' in a given circumstance, and a lot less with sights from my eyes,sounds from my ears, touches through my skin, smells through my nose, etc...
People started to seem more like the tip of this massive iceberg, as if there was something much larger moving through the individual. (Sorta in the same sense that through me, the earth was looking at the moon. I was the sentience, but I was also not separate from the earth upon which I was situated. Something much larger was allowing me to 'see' the moon.) I sorta saw it as an electromagnetic field of massive power moving through each individual.
Anyway... when I reread the basic teachings of The Buddha, what I immediately recognized is that suffering is universal. We ALL suffer. It is what bonds us together. I realized that the purpose of enlightenment isn't to escape suffering, but merely to learn to transmute it into a benefit for self and the world. Wherever I "looked" (with my open heart) I saw suffering. So I realized there's no point in trying to run away from it, and I quit trying to avoid it.