Douchey Moments in History
Welcome to another edition of Douchey Moments in History!
"I think I need a break."
To me, what Noah does here is just seriously fucked up. (I'm linking to a part a few minutes in to the clip here. Noah is actually obnoxious even before this, so I recommend watching the whole clip, but this part that I've linked to strikes me as the douchiest.) It's like a textbook example of the kind of carrot-and-stick behavior abusers use to string their victims along and keep them from leaving. A relationship would never progress to the point of being emotionally abusive if the abuser was just obnoxious all the time; the abuser has to throw some pretense at love and affection into the mix or his victim wouldn't keep coming back for more. So here Noah tells Luke that what they have together is probably the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he loves Luke... but he needs a break. He's just trying to be honest! The kind of mixed behavior we see here, where Noah offers his love and affection with one hand before immediately snatching it away with the other, is exactly what makes his relationship with Luke so toxic.
Also, as far as I'm concerned, the fact that this is how Noah puts it -- that he needs a break from Luke -- is pretty much all the proof I need that Noah never loved Luke. It would be one thing if Noah said he needed some time alone, away from EVERYONE. As an introvert myself, I totally get that sometimes a person might just need time to themselves. But that's not what this was about. This wasn't about Noah wanting time away from people in general, it was about him needing time away from LUKE. There is no definition of the word "love" I can imagine where, during the worst points in your life, the one person you claim to love most in the world is the one person you don't want anywhere near you.
"Would you relax? Nobody's breaking up."
You've got to love the way Noah thinks he has the right to set all the terms of their relationship, but he doesn't have to share the details of those terms with Luke. He needs a break, but he won't say for how long. It's not a "break up," so they're still committed to each other, but that "commitment" doesn't include silly little things like doing things together or spending time together or even talking to each other, and if Luke wants to go out with Reg, it doesn't seem like Noah would care that much. You know what, Noah? If these are the terms of your relationship? YOU AREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU FUCKING DOUCHE!
"Are you saying that I never fought for you?"
Here, Noah has the nerve to claim that he fought for Luke when Luke was paralyzed. Yeah, I guess on Noah, "fighting for Luke" looks an awful lot like feeling sorry for himself, drinking, hitting on his ex-girlfriend, and NOT going to see Luke until Dusty or Luke's parents hunted him down and dragged him to see Luke. Douche.
Oh, Luke! You TOTALLY should have dumped Noah's sorry ass and gone out on a few dates with Reg. The only reason I'm not too disappointed that that never happened is that, if Luke had been with Reg, he never would have met Reid.
"It's not the same as with me and my father."
I wasn't sure whether to include this clip or not, because when I watch it I am mainly touched by the way Luke is made of love and caring and all other things wonderful, and not so much upset over Noah's douchiness. Luke is talking about a video of "Luke and Dad" where "Dad" = Damian, and he talks about how he can watch the video and SEE how much Damian loved him, but as hard as he tries he can't see the guy who hurt him so many times. It just makes it clear to me that Luke is the type of person who, once he decides he cares about someone, he will fight tooth and nail to see the good in them and to turn a blind eye to the bad in them, until that "bad" gets SO BAD that he no longer has any choice but to see it.
Even though IMO Noah's douchetastic side isn't really the main focus of this clip, I decided to include it because he definitely does have his moment of "I'm the only one who matters." Even after Luke mentions several of the things Damian has done over the years, Noah's response is, "It's not the same as with me and my father." Of course it isn't, Noah, this happened to someone else, not to you, so therefore it can't be nearly as bad. Douche!
"I enlisted... in the army."
This is one of the clips where, in a weird way, it is precisely the fact that Noah isn't being obnoxious that makes me feel his emotional abuse the most acutely. It's another example of that whole "carrot and stick" deal that Noah seems to use on Luke all the time without even trying. My problem here isn't even so much that Noah decided to enlist in the army. If someone wants to serve their country, I think it's great. And there are lots of homosexuals who have decided that, for them, staying in the closet is a price they are willing to pay for the chance to serve. So I wouldn't really have a problem with it if Noah really wanted to join the Army.
No, my problem is, if that was what Noah wanted, why would he allow Luke to think they were getting back together for about 30 seconds before turning around and springing this on him? Why not just stay broken up and go and serve, if that's what he wants to do? Instead he offers Luke the "carrot" of thinking they are making up and getting back together, only to almost immediately snatch it away and beat him with the "stick" of "I can't even think about making love with you because I'm joining the army." It's just another example of how it's all about what Noah wants, without any consideration for how his actions affect anyone else.
"Luke, it's just for a few years."
Noah's douchetastic side is on display here in a couple of different ways. First, there's the hypocrisy. Here, when it's a decision Noah is making, Luke is just supposed to accept it. There was no discussion before he made the decision and as soon as Luke says that he wants to talk, Noah shuts down any possibility that Luke's input might matter to him. Of course, later in their relationship, when Luke makes decisions that will have far less effect on Noah's life than this decision will have on Luke's (like, "my father is dead and I'm going to move back into my mother's house to help her out", or "I don't think going back to college is the right choice for me right now; I'm going to work for my father instead"), Noah was quite annoyed that Luke would dare to make those kinds of decisions without discussing it with him. Because, you see, things that Noah wants are always right, so Luke should just agree to them. But things Luke wants, well, they need Noah's approval first. Douche.
But much more than the hypocrisy is the mind-boggling degree of entitlement Noah displays with a single sentence. Luke reminds Noah of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, and asks how Noah feels about not being able to keep Luke's picture in his locker or read his letters to his friends. Noah's response, "it's just for a few years" is pretty breathtaking in the degree of entitled douchery it demonstrates. I can't even conceive of the degree of self absorption and complete disregard for the feelings of others it would take to make such a major, life altering decision, without any prior discussion with your alleged boyfriend, and to just assume as a given that he would wait for you for A FEW YEARS. Hell, if they had been together ten years and were married, that wouldn't be a reasonable thing to expect, but to expect it of someone you've been dating less than a year and hadn't even slept with yet, demonstrates a dazzling degree of douchiness.
This ends today's edition of "Douchey Moments in History: Noah Mayer Edition" -- I'll be posting future editions from time to time from now until December 19th -- the next edition is scheduled for Monday, the 29th.
"I think I need a break."
To me, what Noah does here is just seriously fucked up. (I'm linking to a part a few minutes in to the clip here. Noah is actually obnoxious even before this, so I recommend watching the whole clip, but this part that I've linked to strikes me as the douchiest.) It's like a textbook example of the kind of carrot-and-stick behavior abusers use to string their victims along and keep them from leaving. A relationship would never progress to the point of being emotionally abusive if the abuser was just obnoxious all the time; the abuser has to throw some pretense at love and affection into the mix or his victim wouldn't keep coming back for more. So here Noah tells Luke that what they have together is probably the best thing that ever happened to him, and that he loves Luke... but he needs a break. He's just trying to be honest! The kind of mixed behavior we see here, where Noah offers his love and affection with one hand before immediately snatching it away with the other, is exactly what makes his relationship with Luke so toxic.
Also, as far as I'm concerned, the fact that this is how Noah puts it -- that he needs a break from Luke -- is pretty much all the proof I need that Noah never loved Luke. It would be one thing if Noah said he needed some time alone, away from EVERYONE. As an introvert myself, I totally get that sometimes a person might just need time to themselves. But that's not what this was about. This wasn't about Noah wanting time away from people in general, it was about him needing time away from LUKE. There is no definition of the word "love" I can imagine where, during the worst points in your life, the one person you claim to love most in the world is the one person you don't want anywhere near you.
Click to view"Would you relax? Nobody's breaking up."
You've got to love the way Noah thinks he has the right to set all the terms of their relationship, but he doesn't have to share the details of those terms with Luke. He needs a break, but he won't say for how long. It's not a "break up," so they're still committed to each other, but that "commitment" doesn't include silly little things like doing things together or spending time together or even talking to each other, and if Luke wants to go out with Reg, it doesn't seem like Noah would care that much. You know what, Noah? If these are the terms of your relationship? YOU AREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP, YOU FUCKING DOUCHE!
"Are you saying that I never fought for you?"
Here, Noah has the nerve to claim that he fought for Luke when Luke was paralyzed. Yeah, I guess on Noah, "fighting for Luke" looks an awful lot like feeling sorry for himself, drinking, hitting on his ex-girlfriend, and NOT going to see Luke until Dusty or Luke's parents hunted him down and dragged him to see Luke. Douche.
Oh, Luke! You TOTALLY should have dumped Noah's sorry ass and gone out on a few dates with Reg. The only reason I'm not too disappointed that that never happened is that, if Luke had been with Reg, he never would have met Reid.
"It's not the same as with me and my father."
I wasn't sure whether to include this clip or not, because when I watch it I am mainly touched by the way Luke is made of love and caring and all other things wonderful, and not so much upset over Noah's douchiness. Luke is talking about a video of "Luke and Dad" where "Dad" = Damian, and he talks about how he can watch the video and SEE how much Damian loved him, but as hard as he tries he can't see the guy who hurt him so many times. It just makes it clear to me that Luke is the type of person who, once he decides he cares about someone, he will fight tooth and nail to see the good in them and to turn a blind eye to the bad in them, until that "bad" gets SO BAD that he no longer has any choice but to see it.
Even though IMO Noah's douchetastic side isn't really the main focus of this clip, I decided to include it because he definitely does have his moment of "I'm the only one who matters." Even after Luke mentions several of the things Damian has done over the years, Noah's response is, "It's not the same as with me and my father." Of course it isn't, Noah, this happened to someone else, not to you, so therefore it can't be nearly as bad. Douche!
"I enlisted... in the army."
This is one of the clips where, in a weird way, it is precisely the fact that Noah isn't being obnoxious that makes me feel his emotional abuse the most acutely. It's another example of that whole "carrot and stick" deal that Noah seems to use on Luke all the time without even trying. My problem here isn't even so much that Noah decided to enlist in the army. If someone wants to serve their country, I think it's great. And there are lots of homosexuals who have decided that, for them, staying in the closet is a price they are willing to pay for the chance to serve. So I wouldn't really have a problem with it if Noah really wanted to join the Army.
No, my problem is, if that was what Noah wanted, why would he allow Luke to think they were getting back together for about 30 seconds before turning around and springing this on him? Why not just stay broken up and go and serve, if that's what he wants to do? Instead he offers Luke the "carrot" of thinking they are making up and getting back together, only to almost immediately snatch it away and beat him with the "stick" of "I can't even think about making love with you because I'm joining the army." It's just another example of how it's all about what Noah wants, without any consideration for how his actions affect anyone else.
"Luke, it's just for a few years."
Noah's douchetastic side is on display here in a couple of different ways. First, there's the hypocrisy. Here, when it's a decision Noah is making, Luke is just supposed to accept it. There was no discussion before he made the decision and as soon as Luke says that he wants to talk, Noah shuts down any possibility that Luke's input might matter to him. Of course, later in their relationship, when Luke makes decisions that will have far less effect on Noah's life than this decision will have on Luke's (like, "my father is dead and I'm going to move back into my mother's house to help her out", or "I don't think going back to college is the right choice for me right now; I'm going to work for my father instead"), Noah was quite annoyed that Luke would dare to make those kinds of decisions without discussing it with him. Because, you see, things that Noah wants are always right, so Luke should just agree to them. But things Luke wants, well, they need Noah's approval first. Douche.
But much more than the hypocrisy is the mind-boggling degree of entitlement Noah displays with a single sentence. Luke reminds Noah of the military's "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy, and asks how Noah feels about not being able to keep Luke's picture in his locker or read his letters to his friends. Noah's response, "it's just for a few years" is pretty breathtaking in the degree of entitled douchery it demonstrates. I can't even conceive of the degree of self absorption and complete disregard for the feelings of others it would take to make such a major, life altering decision, without any prior discussion with your alleged boyfriend, and to just assume as a given that he would wait for you for A FEW YEARS. Hell, if they had been together ten years and were married, that wouldn't be a reasonable thing to expect, but to expect it of someone you've been dating less than a year and hadn't even slept with yet, demonstrates a dazzling degree of douchiness.
This ends today's edition of "Douchey Moments in History: Noah Mayer Edition" -- I'll be posting future editions from time to time from now until December 19th -- the next edition is scheduled for Monday, the 29th.