(no subject)
"I’m not getting into Harvard."
"What? Who says?"
"Well, I’m completely unprepared, and I have no original thoughts!"
"No, no, don’t blame yourself, it’s not you. It’s those jerks at Harvard - I hate them!"
"What?"
"Well, apparently, it doesn’t matter how qualified you are, those lazy-ass admissions officers just take applications and stick it in the yes and no piles without even glancing at them!"
"Well, it won’t matter because my Hillary Clinton essay will be just like every other girl’s Hillary Clinton essay because apparently that’s all we can think of. I’m such a hack."
"Is it true everyone has the same GPA? How is that possible?"
"Because we all take the same classes and we all give the same perfunctory run-of-the-mill responses. And I’m interested in too many things, I have to limit them. I’m gonna circle travel on my application. From now on, that is what I am interested in, travel."
"No, no, don’t do that, no! Because all those people coming from China and India and God knows where else, they’re all nuts for traveling - that’s why they’re traveling here! And…and jobs are dropping and dot-com bombing and something’s acting like a yo-yo, I don’t know what but it’s not good! And over my dead body is Kate Hudson getting your spot, let me just say that right now!"
"Mom, you’re freaking out!"
"Yes, I’m freaking out!"
"Well, you can’t freak out, I’m freaking out! [cell phone rings] Hello?"
"What the hell did Romaine mean when he was going on about weeding out the hyper-intense in the interview process? He stopped just short of calling me by name, I’m losing it!"
"Not now, Paris."
"I tried to throw the questioning over to you because I was about to heave and you left me hanging so I had to come home and heave."
"I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Paris. [hangs up]"
"Wait!"
"Okay, we gotta calm down here."
"So, set an example."
"Hey, I’m human, too."
"My forehead is burning up."
"My heart is beating so fast, it’s gotta slow down."
"Okay, just. . .let’s take a breath."
"Okay. This freaking out is not good."
"It sucks."
"We can do this. If others can do this, we can do this!"
"Well, I’m not so sure anymore."
"That is unacceptable!"
"Well, I don’t wanna accept it."
"Then we won’t."
"Well, what do we do?"
"I don’t know. We definitely need some sort of perspective."
"I think we need therapy."
"And booze! For those of us over twenty-one. Okay, are we calming? Are we less-freaked?"
"I’m totally freaked out."
Yeah. That's me. Gooo Seminoles.
"What? Who says?"
"Well, I’m completely unprepared, and I have no original thoughts!"
"No, no, don’t blame yourself, it’s not you. It’s those jerks at Harvard - I hate them!"
"What?"
"Well, apparently, it doesn’t matter how qualified you are, those lazy-ass admissions officers just take applications and stick it in the yes and no piles without even glancing at them!"
"Well, it won’t matter because my Hillary Clinton essay will be just like every other girl’s Hillary Clinton essay because apparently that’s all we can think of. I’m such a hack."
"Is it true everyone has the same GPA? How is that possible?"
"Because we all take the same classes and we all give the same perfunctory run-of-the-mill responses. And I’m interested in too many things, I have to limit them. I’m gonna circle travel on my application. From now on, that is what I am interested in, travel."
"No, no, don’t do that, no! Because all those people coming from China and India and God knows where else, they’re all nuts for traveling - that’s why they’re traveling here! And…and jobs are dropping and dot-com bombing and something’s acting like a yo-yo, I don’t know what but it’s not good! And over my dead body is Kate Hudson getting your spot, let me just say that right now!"
"Mom, you’re freaking out!"
"Yes, I’m freaking out!"
"Well, you can’t freak out, I’m freaking out! [cell phone rings] Hello?"
"What the hell did Romaine mean when he was going on about weeding out the hyper-intense in the interview process? He stopped just short of calling me by name, I’m losing it!"
"Not now, Paris."
"I tried to throw the questioning over to you because I was about to heave and you left me hanging so I had to come home and heave."
"I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Paris. [hangs up]"
"Wait!"
"Okay, we gotta calm down here."
"So, set an example."
"Hey, I’m human, too."
"My forehead is burning up."
"My heart is beating so fast, it’s gotta slow down."
"Okay, just. . .let’s take a breath."
"Okay. This freaking out is not good."
"It sucks."
"We can do this. If others can do this, we can do this!"
"Well, I’m not so sure anymore."
"That is unacceptable!"
"Well, I don’t wanna accept it."
"Then we won’t."
"Well, what do we do?"
"I don’t know. We definitely need some sort of perspective."
"I think we need therapy."
"And booze! For those of us over twenty-one. Okay, are we calming? Are we less-freaked?"
"I’m totally freaked out."
Yeah. That's me. Gooo Seminoles.