I like Vouge why say Vogue
we decided to stay today.....so I wont be going to school tomorrow......which is good and bad....my mom is super pissed off at Mr.Metzger because she left 2 messages and he never called back.....and since he had acted like this whole thing was some huge deal she wanted to talk to him right away......she thought that if it was a big enough of a deal to suspend me it should have been big enough a deal that he called her back.....I think he suspends people for pure joy really....though I know I was doing wrong and should have been in class....It still wasn't enough for him to suspend Christy or John so why us......I guess it's because the assumed we were having sex......well we weren't....and for all the fuss thats been made I kinda wish we had then I would have gotten some sorta of pleasure out of this whole thing....fuck....I hate this....I had another dream about him....It was really weird....it was like a bunch of pictures....I don't know what I'm doing to myself......I'm sick of being used and sick of liking unavailable guys....I wish there was something I could say to make everyone see the real me.....I don't even know who that is.....I know somethings I enjoy and people I enjoy being around....I find myself trying to fix my flaws....all the tings that made Charlie hate me so much.....I'm trying to get rid of those.....not for Charlie just because he made me realize what was wrong with me......both physically and mentaly.....can't do much about the physical......but I can improve my personality.....i can't get rid of the center core of my being but I can make it so I'm a little more fun to be around.....I'll be responsible.....try not to be bossy.....try not to be nosy......Try to admit when I'm wrong(this,ladies and gentlemen, has been a big success).......So......i guess I'm heading for finding the real me......My uncle Chris is a truly great guy.....I love him dearly....he's always making people laugh and making people happy....or just feel comfertable....My aunt Rebecca(sorry if spelt wrong) is great too. We had a long talk in the car the other day....we talked about her mother.....I can't really remember her......just her voice and the little funny voices she'd make.....and a few things she'd say......Rebecca wants me to be the best me I can.....tell me Rebecca who am I?....does anyone look outside of themselves and try to see who they are....or try to see what they're doing?......does anyone care.......I do.......i care that I know what I'm saying....what i'm feeling...and why....is this weird?......I look in the mirror sometimes and don't recognize my reflection......I see a face with a blank expression and eyes that if you look hard enough you can almost see into the soul...almost...I see a body thats has lost respect for itself.....and hands that were inches from touching love before it was so brutally ripped away....and I see this person run her hand through her hair and sigh at me staring at her...she bites her lip and and lays her hands on the counter.....my eyes again meet hers....she looks at me and she softly smiles...I feel a smile on my face as well...I look down at my body and look back up at her....she's still looking at me...she open her mouth as if to speak and shuts it again......then she says....."hello, my name is Savannah"