(no subject)
i need to get away from here so bad. i just wanna run away and never come back. im not meant to be here, idk why but i guess im not. i seriously have no idea what to do anymore. this weekend has been so bad...i just want to turn back the hands of time and make EVERYTHING go away. theres way too much shit for me to handle. as much as i hate saying this i really feel like i cant trust anymore. whether its other people or myself. everthing just got riped out of me...i have nothing left. everything that can go wrong in life, has in these past few days. and i cant even find comfort at home cuz i dont even consider my house a home anymore. and the person that i normally talk to, i cant this time...its just so hard. so many people right now either are upset, angry, hate me, or think im a slut. i freakin hate rumors...so those of u who just HEAR stuff and dont fuckin ask me urslef if its true dont go around telling every single fuckin solitary person u see. none of that is true! this afternoon i thought to myself that i still had a couple of things that i can look foward to until the end of the school year..but i lied to myself about that as well. i guess i kinda brought it upon myself in its own way, but im not going to senior ball anymore either. sighh...stupid me...
now i feel like everybody is gunna think that im being such a baby and overexaggerating me reactions to everything that is going on...but nobody understands. u may think u do...u may think u know me really well, but nobody does. i may sound like a bitch right now, but i really dont care anymore. not many others care so why should i.
the worst part about everything going on is everything that happened, i never found nething out from the person that i should have, always someone else. that hurts me so bad. i want to talk to this person so bad but i really have no idea how i can. i dont wanna say anything that i wil regret cuz i really dont wanna ruin our relationship, which i loved and cherished. but now...i dont know what to think...
i dont care what people think of me after reading this. i just really dont know why i deserve all this. i tried to be good, people know my life has been nothing but hell for me this whole year. but i guess just me is a good enough reason as to why any of this came about...god i hate myself more than anything right now.
p.s. everybody- i truely deeply mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say SORRY. i just wish everything can go back to the way it was, but i know it cant. im sorry...
now i feel like everybody is gunna think that im being such a baby and overexaggerating me reactions to everything that is going on...but nobody understands. u may think u do...u may think u know me really well, but nobody does. i may sound like a bitch right now, but i really dont care anymore. not many others care so why should i.
the worst part about everything going on is everything that happened, i never found nething out from the person that i should have, always someone else. that hurts me so bad. i want to talk to this person so bad but i really have no idea how i can. i dont wanna say anything that i wil regret cuz i really dont wanna ruin our relationship, which i loved and cherished. but now...i dont know what to think...
i dont care what people think of me after reading this. i just really dont know why i deserve all this. i tried to be good, people know my life has been nothing but hell for me this whole year. but i guess just me is a good enough reason as to why any of this came about...god i hate myself more than anything right now.
p.s. everybody- i truely deeply mean it from the bottom of my heart when i say SORRY. i just wish everything can go back to the way it was, but i know it cant. im sorry...