Fic: What He's Missed
Title: What He's Missed
Author: Mary (stillxmyxheart)
Beta: Lindsay (nylana)
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Genre: Drama, Angst
Word Count: 4,196
Characters/Pairings: April, Harrison, Simon, Sam (April/Simon, Sam/April)
Summary: Sam Shipton always thought that experience and wisdom came with age, so the last person he ever expected to find a connection with was April Newcastle.
Sunday morning found April in Harrison's office, trying to pull together a press release about the progress of the search for doctors and scientists due to be released to the public the following morning.
She realized before long that she had been rambling on for a good ten minutes without a peep from Harrison and she stopped talking, staring hard at him.
"What's wrong?" she asked and when he didn't respond, she waved her hand in front of his face.
He blinked, appearing to come out of a daze, and focused on April, taking a breath.
"April. Sorry. What were you saying?"
"A lot," she replied dryly. "What's wrong?"
Harrison sighed, shaking his head. "I've just got a lot on my mind. All of this mess we're dealing with right now, people demanding mandatory birth control, lunatics alternating between demanding mass sterilization and saying the government should just give up and let the world die, the Governor of New York will not shut up about the damn subway system, and now Penny..."
April had been nodding along and froze at those last few words.
"What about Penny?"
Harrison looked up at her. "Don't you know?"
"She called earlier and said she wanted to talk. I'm going over there once I leave here."
"I should let her tell you-" Harrison began, wincing. He knew he'd said too much and should have just kept his mouth shut. It should've been obvious from April's mood that she and Penny hadn't yet spoken.
"You tell me," April said firmly.
Harrison considered her a moment and then stood, gently taking her arm and leading her over to the couch.
"Penny and Evan came to see me last night, to tell me..." He paused and took a breath, seemingly to compose himself before he continued. "To tell me that Penny's pregnant."
April felt as though the world had dropped out from underneath her as the full meaning of Harrison's words sank in and she stood suddenly, taking a few steps away from Harrison. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, her eyes fixed on a spot on the wall, hardly even daring to breathe as the words looped in her head: Penny's pregnant.
Her throat was tight as she turned to face Harrison again, hoping against all rational hope that he was joking and knowing that he would never. Not about something like this.
"Is she... Is she sure?"
"She said she took two pregnancy tests, which she apparently stole from your apartment."
April stared at him, the tightness in her throat growing, her eyes stinging as tears began to rise. She sat down heavily on the couch again, covering her mouth with her hand and Harrison put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. He pressed his lips lightly to her temple as he tightened his hold on her, tears sliding down his cheeks.
"We can cry today," he said after a minute, "but tomorrow we fix this." Harrison took a breath and April pulled back, nodding as she wiped her eyes.
Harrison ran a hand over his face and stood, clearing his throat.
"Why don't you go see Penny, she needs you. We can finish this tomorrow."
April looked up at him, her eyes concerned. "Are you sure?"
Harrison nodded, absently rubbing his cheek, his palm making a muted scratching sound as it crossed over his stubble. "Yeah, I think I just... need to be alone for a while."
April stood and started to leave. She hesitated at the door, her hand on the knob as she looked back.
"Harrison?" she said softly and he looked up at her. "We can fix this, right?"
He opened his mouth to respond and then he sighed, his shoulders dropping as he stared sadly at April.
"Right," she murmured, nodding as she pulled open the door and stepped from the office.
Four days passed and though Harrison met with several candidates for the research team, he could find none suitable. There were whispers that he was being too picky, people both in and out of the White House wondering why he was suddenly so intent on this search after what seemed like weeks of stagnation.
April's days were spent fielding phone calls and dodging questions, trying to ease the fears of an entire country without being able to do the same to her own.
Sam stayed late Thursday night and as he was finally leaving to go home he heard a strange sound in the corridor. Had it not been for the lateness of the hour and the silence of the hallway he might not have heard it at all.
He started in the direction of the noise, his brow furrowed slightly, and when he rounded the corner to April's office he saw her behind her desk, her head on her arms and her shoulders shaking as she cried.
He said her name softly as he stepped into her office and she looked up at him. He was startled by the dark circles under her eyes, contrasting with the pale skin of her face.
"What's wrong?" he asked as he moved closer to her.
April sat back in her chair, gesturing at her computer. "The stupid thing crashed on me and I just lost the entire briefing for tomorrow morning. All of it, just... poof."
Sam looked at her a moment and she sighed, covering her face with her hands as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her desk.
"Okay," Sam said, stepping around the desk. He took April gently by the shoulders and pulled her bodily to her feet, leading her away from the computer and out of her office.
"Where are we going?" she asked, sniffling slightly as she ran a hand through her hair.
"You have to get away from your desk, your computer, and your phone." He pulled his keys from his pocket to unlock the door to his office and he ushered her inside, guiding her to sit on the couch before he stepped over to his desk, once again pulling the bottle of scotch and two glasses from the bottom drawer.
April smiled weakly as he poured a bit of the amber liquid into a glass and handed it to her. He poured his own glass and settled beside her, placing the bottle on the low table in front of them.
April took a sip and then sighed, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, Sam. I know I must seem like a crazy person for losing my shit over a stupid file, I've just-"
He held up a hand, cutting off the rest of her sentence. "You don't need to apologize. There's a lot going on right now, for you and for everybody. I'd probably think you were crazy if you weren't a bit frayed at the edges."
"I'm not usually like this," April murmured, staring contemplatively down at the glass in her hand. "I don't usually handle stress so badly, but then I usually have someone to talk to about it. But I haven't even seen Simon in a week and a half and I don't want to load Penny down with my problems when she's got her own to worry about now."
"You haven't seen Simon in a week and a half?" Sam asked, surprised. He'd seen Simon earlier in the day and knew that he and April lived together.
"We're sort of... in a fight, I guess. He's moved out for the time being." She ran her fingers restlessly through her hair and shook her head. "It's complicated."
Sam nodded his understanding, watching April out of the corner of his eye. A section of hair obscured her face and he suddenly felt an almost irresistible urge to reach up and touch it, to tuck it behind her ear. His fingers tightened around his glass and he sipped his drink, aware of when April raised her hand to move the errant piece of hair out of the way.
He caught himself admiring her profile and he inwardly chastised himself. What was wrong with him? He was more than thirty years older than she was. For Christ's sake, he was old enough to be her father. He was old enough to be her boyfriend's father. It was ridiculous to think of her as anything more than a colleague.
She drained the last of her drink and leaned forward to pour herself another. Her leg brushed against his as she settled back in her seat and he realized she was closer to him now than she'd been before. Even though the scent was nearly gone after her long day of working, he could smell her perfume, a light flowery scent that she'd worn for as long as he could remember. He smelled it in the corridors sometimes, even when April wasn't around, and knew he'd forever associate that smell with her.
She tossed her hair over her shoulder and dosed him with a new scent, that of her shampoo, and it filled his mind with the image of her fresh from the shower, wet hair spilling across her shoulders, wisps of steam curling away from her skin as she secured a towel around her body.
Oh, damn. He took a quiet breath, scolding himself again. He was acting like a teenager. If he didn't get his emotions under control he'd soon need the nitroglycerin he kept in the inside pocket of his suit.
April finished off her second drink and stared at the glass a moment, contemplating it before placing it on the coffee table and leaning back in her seat.
"Sam?" she said quietly after a minute and he almost jumped.
"Yes?" he replied, looking over at her.
"How is it you always seem so cool about everything? Nothing ever seems to faze you. Even when the shit's actively hitting the fan, you're always so calm."
Sam shrugged, glancing down at the glass in his hand. "Years of practice, I guess. You don't get to be a hundred years old without picking some things up."
April laughed softly, nudging him with her arm. "You're not that old, Sam."
"Feels like it sometimes," he muttered.
April shifted in her seat and was suddenly very close to him; he could sense her eyes on his face, could just feel the warmth of her breath on his neck. She placed her hand on top of his, her fingers light against his skin.
"You're selling yourself short," she said quietly. "You're a great guy, Sam. Age doesn't mean a damn thing."
The corner of Sam's mouth lifted slightly and he glanced over at April. Her face filled his view and he breathed in sharply, his eyes taking in the shape of her eyebrows, the slope of her cheeks, the curve of her lips.
The silence hung in the air between them, heavy with anticipation, and then she leaned forward and closed the gap between them, touching her lips softly to his.
His grip tightened on his drink again and he took a shaky breath when April pulled away.
"What was that for?" he murmured.
April sat back, a faint flush coloring her cheeks as she smiled a bit sheepishly. "I don't really know."
There was a beat of silence before April stood abruptly.
"I should go. I've kept you here late enough," she said.
"Right, yes," Sam said, standing as well and walking with April to the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow," April said, smiling slightly as she stepped into the hallway. "And thanks. For the talk. And the drink."
Sam nodded at her and watched her disappear down the hallway before quietly closing the door to his office.
He cleared away their glasses, putting them away with the scotch, and sighed to himself, thinking about the way April's lips had felt on his and wondering what the hell had just happened.
The next morning April knocked carefully on the door to Sam's office before pushing it open and stepping inside.
He was at his desk and smiled at her when she entered.
"Morning. Feeling better?"
"Well, I've still got an entire briefing to rewrite, but otherwise, yeah, a little."
Sam's smile faltered just a little bit. "Right."
April sat in one of the chairs in front of Sam's desk and looked at him.
"I just wanted to apologize for last night."
"I already told you-"
"It's not just that," April said, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I kissed you and I shouldn't have done that. We were talking and I just... got a little caught up in the moment but I don't want to give you the wrong impression or anything."
Sam nodded quickly. "No, of course. I understand."
April took a breath and smiled, relieved. "Okay, good."
She moved to stand and Sam cleared his throat.
"I wondered, though, if maybe you wanted to come over for dinner tonight?"
April hesitated, shifting in her chair.
"Just as friends," Sam continued, holding his hands up. "Besides, you have to eat sometime."
April laughed softly and nodded. "All right."
"Great," Sam replied, smiling. "I'll see you later on then."
April nodded again and stood, smiling once more at Sam before she headed for the door.
She stepped out into the hallway, adjusting her skirt which had become oddly twisted while she had been sitting, and ran smack into Simon.
Her mouth fell open as she looked up at him, so surprised at running into him like this that she was struck momentarily speechless. His eyes flicked down to her hands, still clutching the end of her skirt, and then to the door of Sam's office, which opened then as Sam stepped out. He bumped into April and his hands rose to her shoulders to steady her as she stumbled forward a step.
Simon raised his eyebrows and Sam quickly removed his hands, almost as if he'd been burned. April glanced up at Simon, wishing she'd run into him under very different circumstances.
She mumbled something about needing to get back to work and stepped out from between the two men, moving quickly down the hall to her office.
Sam and Simon were silent a moment before Simon cleared his throat.
"Your car's here, sir."
"Of course. Thank you." Sam paused a moment. "Simon-"
"We should go," Simon said and started down the hall.
After a moment, Sam followed.
Simon was waiting in April's office when she returned after her morning briefing and once again she was startled to see him so unexpectedly.
"Simon?" she said as she regained her composure and moved towards her desk. "What're you doing here?"
"Why were you in Sam's office this morning?" Simon asked.
April blinked at the unexpected question. "We were just talking."
Simon nodded. "Right."
April laid the briefing down on her desk and narrowed her eyes at Simon. "What did you think I was doing?"
Simon shrugged, his hand rising to the back of his neck as he looked away.
"I don't believe you," April said, shaking her head incredulously as she turned away from him. "How could you honestly think-"
"What was I supposed to think, April?" Simon shot back. "You were in his office with the door closed, which wouldn't be anything in and of itself, but then you came out adjusting your damn skirt. Pretty much leads to one conclusion."
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" April cried as she whirled back to face him.
A group of interns walking by in the corridor outside looked up, startled by her outburst, and April hurried to close the door to her office.
"I cannot believe that's the first place your mind would go."
"Why shouldn't it?"
"I have never given you any reason not to trust me-"
"I know about you and Evan."
April froze, her mouth open slightly as she stared at Simon; his lips twitched as he nodded.
"Yeah, Jenkins saw the two of you out at that Mexican restaurant down the road. Thought it was just the two of you out as friends, until he saw you kiss Evan. Said you both seemed pretty into it."
"Simon-"
"When was that, two days after you threw me out?"
"It was just a stupid mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did."
"Well, he is a bit young for you, isn't he? You like them older, right? First Whitman, then me, Sam should be right up your alley."
April's hand connected solidly with Simon's cheek before she was even aware that she'd moved closer to him.
"I may be a lot of things, Simon," she said, tears of frustration and anger shining in her eyes as she jabbed his chest with her finger, "and I know I'm not perfect. But I love you. I never have been and never will be unfaithful to you and for you to suggest otherwise is just hurtful."
Simon was silent, staring down at her, and she sighed, backing away from him.
"Just get out. I've got work to do."
She opened the door and waited for Simon to leave before settling behind her desk. She stared at the memos stacked neatly on top of her calendar a moment before she rested her elbows on the desktop and covered her face with her hands.
Sam watched as April poured herself another glass of wine, his eyes moving to her almost untouched plate of food.
"Are you all right?" he asked, laying down his fork.
April stared contemplatively at her glass, swirling the pale liquid around a bit.
"Fine," she murmured. "My boyfriend just thinks I'm a cheating whore."
Sam nearly choked on his own swallow of wine and April glanced at him, concern flickering across her face. He composed himself quickly and looked at April.
"Did he actually call you that?"
April shook her head. "Not in so many words, but it was obvious what he meant."
"He thinks you're cheating? Who with?"
April shrugged. "You. Evan. Everybody."
"He can't really think that," Sam said, ignoring the small thrill he felt at the thought that Simon would actually think April would cheat with him.
"I don't know what the hell is going through his head these days," April said, reaching up and pulling the clip out of her hair, running her fingers through it as it tumbled down to her shoulders. It glowed in the low lighting of the dining room, individual strands shining with every movement of her head.
"He's always been so in control of his emotions," she continued, staring down at the clip in her hands. "I mean, we've fought before, but he doesn't like to get angry. He hates it. And he was just waiting for me, practically spoiling for a fight."
She fell silent, her eyes still down on her hands, and Sam thought he'd never seen her look more exhausted than she did right then.
"C'mon," he said, standing and tossing his napkin onto the table.
"Where are we going?" April asked, looking up at him, her brow knitted very slightly.
"Living room. I'm sure there's a bad movie on TV tonight." He raised his eyebrows and April's face softened, her lips curving into the faintest of smiles as she stood to follow him from the room.
They found a 60-year-old comedy on one of the movie stations and were soon laughing together, removed from the stress of their own lives by the simplistically amusing antics of the actors on the screen.
April fell asleep at some point during the second movie, her head dropping gently onto Sam's shoulder. He looked down at her, startled, and for a moment was almost afraid to move. Her hair had fallen across her face again and he stared at it, thinking again about brushing it out of the way. His fingers actually grazed the soft strands before he stopped himself, sighing softly as he rolled his eyes toward the ceiling.
He shut the TV off and slowly stood, moving April so that she was lying down, careful not to wake her. He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and spread it over her, making sure she was well covered before quietly stepping from the room, shutting off the lights as he moved into the dining room.
He cleared the table, setting the plates beside the sink to clean up later, not wanting the sound of the garbage disposal to wake April. He made sure the doors were locked, more out of habit than necessity, and checked the alarm, glancing at April's sleeping form on the couch before he headed up to his bedroom.
He prepared for bed, his thoughts drifting to April.
He remembered his annoyance when Harrison hired her, adamantly stating that he thought she was far too young for the job.
"She's barely out of college, Harrison, are you sure you're making the right decision?"
"Have you even talked to her? Read her articles? She's sharp, Sam. Give her a chance."
He'd been stubborn though and hadn't wanted to give her a chance, had effectively ignored her for weeks, speaking to her only when he had to. He didn't think anybody that young could have the experience necessary for the job she'd been hired for, and he didn't think she'd last very long.
It wasn't until she laughed at one of his jokes during a meeting that he really took notice of her. Nobody ever laughed at his jokes because nobody ever got the obscure references and he stared at her as she quickly stifled her laughter, her cheeks reddening as she covered her mouth with her hand.
He quoted Yeats during an impromptu meeting in Harrison's office one morning and was surprised when she finished the quote for him, smiling shyly and admitting he was one of her favorite poets. He raised his eyebrows at her, ignoring Harrison's knowing grin, and she quickly turned her eyes back to her notes, incorrectly assuming he was annoyed by her.
He soon found himself listening closely and without reservation as she gained confidence to speak up more in meetings, to disagree with the opinions of the men around her, without making it seem like she was overstepping her bounds and without making the person she was disagreeing with feel foolish.
He had a brief moment of panic that first December when he drew her name for the Secret Santa Penny had insisted they have, unsure at first of what he could possibly get for her.
She was clearly surprised when she unwrapped the book of poetry he'd bought for her, but her smile was bright and genuine as she thanked him. He felt relief and a surprising sense of satisfaction that he'd managed to pick something she liked.
He'd been surprised to learn through the White House grape vine that April had no family: a father who skipped out when she was a teenager, a mother she hadn't seen in years, and no siblings to speak of. It was something he could relate to, though the circumstances were different. His own parents died during the plague years, when he was 23, almost the same age April was when they first met.
Over the years he found himself wishing he had the sort of relationship with her that Harrison and Nathan did; they seemed almost like family, what with April and Penny becoming fast friends, and it was just a few years later that she started dating Simon.
He thought back on the relationships of those around him, like Harrison and Amanda, who had gotten married right out of high school and who had stayed just as much in love with each other right up until the day she died. He thought of the way Emily and Nathan had loved each other, how Emily stayed with Nathan through all of his problems and how good their relationship became in the months just before she died.
Sometimes he caught Harrison looking sadly at the picture of Amanda on his desk or Nathan staring contemplatively at the sobriety coin he kept in his pocket, and felt a small sense of relief that he'd never gotten married, if only because it meant he never had to live through the pain of losing someone like that. But the older he got, the more he found he was envious of those relationships. He'd had nobody to experience life with, had no children to carry on his name, had nobody to grow old with.
He'd watched Penny and Evan get married, had seen how happy they had been, and had wished for just a moment that he knew how that happiness felt. Though they were fighting at the moment, he knew April and Simon loved each other. Simon was so much like Nathan when it came to his emotions, but Sam knew he'd come through for April eventually.
Sam stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and thought about April asleep on the couch in the living room, thought about how he wanted her to be happy and allowed himself to wonder, if only for just a minute, if she could ever be happy with him.
Author: Mary (stillxmyxheart)
Beta: Lindsay (nylana)
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Genre: Drama, Angst
Word Count: 4,196
Characters/Pairings: April, Harrison, Simon, Sam (April/Simon, Sam/April)
Summary: Sam Shipton always thought that experience and wisdom came with age, so the last person he ever expected to find a connection with was April Newcastle.
Sunday morning found April in Harrison's office, trying to pull together a press release about the progress of the search for doctors and scientists due to be released to the public the following morning.
She realized before long that she had been rambling on for a good ten minutes without a peep from Harrison and she stopped talking, staring hard at him.
"What's wrong?" she asked and when he didn't respond, she waved her hand in front of his face.
He blinked, appearing to come out of a daze, and focused on April, taking a breath.
"April. Sorry. What were you saying?"
"A lot," she replied dryly. "What's wrong?"
Harrison sighed, shaking his head. "I've just got a lot on my mind. All of this mess we're dealing with right now, people demanding mandatory birth control, lunatics alternating between demanding mass sterilization and saying the government should just give up and let the world die, the Governor of New York will not shut up about the damn subway system, and now Penny..."
April had been nodding along and froze at those last few words.
"What about Penny?"
Harrison looked up at her. "Don't you know?"
"She called earlier and said she wanted to talk. I'm going over there once I leave here."
"I should let her tell you-" Harrison began, wincing. He knew he'd said too much and should have just kept his mouth shut. It should've been obvious from April's mood that she and Penny hadn't yet spoken.
"You tell me," April said firmly.
Harrison considered her a moment and then stood, gently taking her arm and leading her over to the couch.
"Penny and Evan came to see me last night, to tell me..." He paused and took a breath, seemingly to compose himself before he continued. "To tell me that Penny's pregnant."
April felt as though the world had dropped out from underneath her as the full meaning of Harrison's words sank in and she stood suddenly, taking a few steps away from Harrison. She crossed her arms tightly over her chest, her eyes fixed on a spot on the wall, hardly even daring to breathe as the words looped in her head: Penny's pregnant.
Her throat was tight as she turned to face Harrison again, hoping against all rational hope that he was joking and knowing that he would never. Not about something like this.
"Is she... Is she sure?"
"She said she took two pregnancy tests, which she apparently stole from your apartment."
April stared at him, the tightness in her throat growing, her eyes stinging as tears began to rise. She sat down heavily on the couch again, covering her mouth with her hand and Harrison put his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. He pressed his lips lightly to her temple as he tightened his hold on her, tears sliding down his cheeks.
"We can cry today," he said after a minute, "but tomorrow we fix this." Harrison took a breath and April pulled back, nodding as she wiped her eyes.
Harrison ran a hand over his face and stood, clearing his throat.
"Why don't you go see Penny, she needs you. We can finish this tomorrow."
April looked up at him, her eyes concerned. "Are you sure?"
Harrison nodded, absently rubbing his cheek, his palm making a muted scratching sound as it crossed over his stubble. "Yeah, I think I just... need to be alone for a while."
April stood and started to leave. She hesitated at the door, her hand on the knob as she looked back.
"Harrison?" she said softly and he looked up at her. "We can fix this, right?"
He opened his mouth to respond and then he sighed, his shoulders dropping as he stared sadly at April.
"Right," she murmured, nodding as she pulled open the door and stepped from the office.
Four days passed and though Harrison met with several candidates for the research team, he could find none suitable. There were whispers that he was being too picky, people both in and out of the White House wondering why he was suddenly so intent on this search after what seemed like weeks of stagnation.
April's days were spent fielding phone calls and dodging questions, trying to ease the fears of an entire country without being able to do the same to her own.
Sam stayed late Thursday night and as he was finally leaving to go home he heard a strange sound in the corridor. Had it not been for the lateness of the hour and the silence of the hallway he might not have heard it at all.
He started in the direction of the noise, his brow furrowed slightly, and when he rounded the corner to April's office he saw her behind her desk, her head on her arms and her shoulders shaking as she cried.
He said her name softly as he stepped into her office and she looked up at him. He was startled by the dark circles under her eyes, contrasting with the pale skin of her face.
"What's wrong?" he asked as he moved closer to her.
April sat back in her chair, gesturing at her computer. "The stupid thing crashed on me and I just lost the entire briefing for tomorrow morning. All of it, just... poof."
Sam looked at her a moment and she sighed, covering her face with her hands as she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her desk.
"Okay," Sam said, stepping around the desk. He took April gently by the shoulders and pulled her bodily to her feet, leading her away from the computer and out of her office.
"Where are we going?" she asked, sniffling slightly as she ran a hand through her hair.
"You have to get away from your desk, your computer, and your phone." He pulled his keys from his pocket to unlock the door to his office and he ushered her inside, guiding her to sit on the couch before he stepped over to his desk, once again pulling the bottle of scotch and two glasses from the bottom drawer.
April smiled weakly as he poured a bit of the amber liquid into a glass and handed it to her. He poured his own glass and settled beside her, placing the bottle on the low table in front of them.
April took a sip and then sighed, shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, Sam. I know I must seem like a crazy person for losing my shit over a stupid file, I've just-"
He held up a hand, cutting off the rest of her sentence. "You don't need to apologize. There's a lot going on right now, for you and for everybody. I'd probably think you were crazy if you weren't a bit frayed at the edges."
"I'm not usually like this," April murmured, staring contemplatively down at the glass in her hand. "I don't usually handle stress so badly, but then I usually have someone to talk to about it. But I haven't even seen Simon in a week and a half and I don't want to load Penny down with my problems when she's got her own to worry about now."
"You haven't seen Simon in a week and a half?" Sam asked, surprised. He'd seen Simon earlier in the day and knew that he and April lived together.
"We're sort of... in a fight, I guess. He's moved out for the time being." She ran her fingers restlessly through her hair and shook her head. "It's complicated."
Sam nodded his understanding, watching April out of the corner of his eye. A section of hair obscured her face and he suddenly felt an almost irresistible urge to reach up and touch it, to tuck it behind her ear. His fingers tightened around his glass and he sipped his drink, aware of when April raised her hand to move the errant piece of hair out of the way.
He caught himself admiring her profile and he inwardly chastised himself. What was wrong with him? He was more than thirty years older than she was. For Christ's sake, he was old enough to be her father. He was old enough to be her boyfriend's father. It was ridiculous to think of her as anything more than a colleague.
She drained the last of her drink and leaned forward to pour herself another. Her leg brushed against his as she settled back in her seat and he realized she was closer to him now than she'd been before. Even though the scent was nearly gone after her long day of working, he could smell her perfume, a light flowery scent that she'd worn for as long as he could remember. He smelled it in the corridors sometimes, even when April wasn't around, and knew he'd forever associate that smell with her.
She tossed her hair over her shoulder and dosed him with a new scent, that of her shampoo, and it filled his mind with the image of her fresh from the shower, wet hair spilling across her shoulders, wisps of steam curling away from her skin as she secured a towel around her body.
Oh, damn. He took a quiet breath, scolding himself again. He was acting like a teenager. If he didn't get his emotions under control he'd soon need the nitroglycerin he kept in the inside pocket of his suit.
April finished off her second drink and stared at the glass a moment, contemplating it before placing it on the coffee table and leaning back in her seat.
"Sam?" she said quietly after a minute and he almost jumped.
"Yes?" he replied, looking over at her.
"How is it you always seem so cool about everything? Nothing ever seems to faze you. Even when the shit's actively hitting the fan, you're always so calm."
Sam shrugged, glancing down at the glass in his hand. "Years of practice, I guess. You don't get to be a hundred years old without picking some things up."
April laughed softly, nudging him with her arm. "You're not that old, Sam."
"Feels like it sometimes," he muttered.
April shifted in her seat and was suddenly very close to him; he could sense her eyes on his face, could just feel the warmth of her breath on his neck. She placed her hand on top of his, her fingers light against his skin.
"You're selling yourself short," she said quietly. "You're a great guy, Sam. Age doesn't mean a damn thing."
The corner of Sam's mouth lifted slightly and he glanced over at April. Her face filled his view and he breathed in sharply, his eyes taking in the shape of her eyebrows, the slope of her cheeks, the curve of her lips.
The silence hung in the air between them, heavy with anticipation, and then she leaned forward and closed the gap between them, touching her lips softly to his.
His grip tightened on his drink again and he took a shaky breath when April pulled away.
"What was that for?" he murmured.
April sat back, a faint flush coloring her cheeks as she smiled a bit sheepishly. "I don't really know."
There was a beat of silence before April stood abruptly.
"I should go. I've kept you here late enough," she said.
"Right, yes," Sam said, standing as well and walking with April to the door.
"I'll see you tomorrow," April said, smiling slightly as she stepped into the hallway. "And thanks. For the talk. And the drink."
Sam nodded at her and watched her disappear down the hallway before quietly closing the door to his office.
He cleared away their glasses, putting them away with the scotch, and sighed to himself, thinking about the way April's lips had felt on his and wondering what the hell had just happened.
The next morning April knocked carefully on the door to Sam's office before pushing it open and stepping inside.
He was at his desk and smiled at her when she entered.
"Morning. Feeling better?"
"Well, I've still got an entire briefing to rewrite, but otherwise, yeah, a little."
Sam's smile faltered just a little bit. "Right."
April sat in one of the chairs in front of Sam's desk and looked at him.
"I just wanted to apologize for last night."
"I already told you-"
"It's not just that," April said, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I kissed you and I shouldn't have done that. We were talking and I just... got a little caught up in the moment but I don't want to give you the wrong impression or anything."
Sam nodded quickly. "No, of course. I understand."
April took a breath and smiled, relieved. "Okay, good."
She moved to stand and Sam cleared his throat.
"I wondered, though, if maybe you wanted to come over for dinner tonight?"
April hesitated, shifting in her chair.
"Just as friends," Sam continued, holding his hands up. "Besides, you have to eat sometime."
April laughed softly and nodded. "All right."
"Great," Sam replied, smiling. "I'll see you later on then."
April nodded again and stood, smiling once more at Sam before she headed for the door.
She stepped out into the hallway, adjusting her skirt which had become oddly twisted while she had been sitting, and ran smack into Simon.
Her mouth fell open as she looked up at him, so surprised at running into him like this that she was struck momentarily speechless. His eyes flicked down to her hands, still clutching the end of her skirt, and then to the door of Sam's office, which opened then as Sam stepped out. He bumped into April and his hands rose to her shoulders to steady her as she stumbled forward a step.
Simon raised his eyebrows and Sam quickly removed his hands, almost as if he'd been burned. April glanced up at Simon, wishing she'd run into him under very different circumstances.
She mumbled something about needing to get back to work and stepped out from between the two men, moving quickly down the hall to her office.
Sam and Simon were silent a moment before Simon cleared his throat.
"Your car's here, sir."
"Of course. Thank you." Sam paused a moment. "Simon-"
"We should go," Simon said and started down the hall.
After a moment, Sam followed.
Simon was waiting in April's office when she returned after her morning briefing and once again she was startled to see him so unexpectedly.
"Simon?" she said as she regained her composure and moved towards her desk. "What're you doing here?"
"Why were you in Sam's office this morning?" Simon asked.
April blinked at the unexpected question. "We were just talking."
Simon nodded. "Right."
April laid the briefing down on her desk and narrowed her eyes at Simon. "What did you think I was doing?"
Simon shrugged, his hand rising to the back of his neck as he looked away.
"I don't believe you," April said, shaking her head incredulously as she turned away from him. "How could you honestly think-"
"What was I supposed to think, April?" Simon shot back. "You were in his office with the door closed, which wouldn't be anything in and of itself, but then you came out adjusting your damn skirt. Pretty much leads to one conclusion."
"Are you out of your fucking mind?" April cried as she whirled back to face him.
A group of interns walking by in the corridor outside looked up, startled by her outburst, and April hurried to close the door to her office.
"I cannot believe that's the first place your mind would go."
"Why shouldn't it?"
"I have never given you any reason not to trust me-"
"I know about you and Evan."
April froze, her mouth open slightly as she stared at Simon; his lips twitched as he nodded.
"Yeah, Jenkins saw the two of you out at that Mexican restaurant down the road. Thought it was just the two of you out as friends, until he saw you kiss Evan. Said you both seemed pretty into it."
"Simon-"
"When was that, two days after you threw me out?"
"It was just a stupid mistake. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just did."
"Well, he is a bit young for you, isn't he? You like them older, right? First Whitman, then me, Sam should be right up your alley."
April's hand connected solidly with Simon's cheek before she was even aware that she'd moved closer to him.
"I may be a lot of things, Simon," she said, tears of frustration and anger shining in her eyes as she jabbed his chest with her finger, "and I know I'm not perfect. But I love you. I never have been and never will be unfaithful to you and for you to suggest otherwise is just hurtful."
Simon was silent, staring down at her, and she sighed, backing away from him.
"Just get out. I've got work to do."
She opened the door and waited for Simon to leave before settling behind her desk. She stared at the memos stacked neatly on top of her calendar a moment before she rested her elbows on the desktop and covered her face with her hands.
Sam watched as April poured herself another glass of wine, his eyes moving to her almost untouched plate of food.
"Are you all right?" he asked, laying down his fork.
April stared contemplatively at her glass, swirling the pale liquid around a bit.
"Fine," she murmured. "My boyfriend just thinks I'm a cheating whore."
Sam nearly choked on his own swallow of wine and April glanced at him, concern flickering across her face. He composed himself quickly and looked at April.
"Did he actually call you that?"
April shook her head. "Not in so many words, but it was obvious what he meant."
"He thinks you're cheating? Who with?"
April shrugged. "You. Evan. Everybody."
"He can't really think that," Sam said, ignoring the small thrill he felt at the thought that Simon would actually think April would cheat with him.
"I don't know what the hell is going through his head these days," April said, reaching up and pulling the clip out of her hair, running her fingers through it as it tumbled down to her shoulders. It glowed in the low lighting of the dining room, individual strands shining with every movement of her head.
"He's always been so in control of his emotions," she continued, staring down at the clip in her hands. "I mean, we've fought before, but he doesn't like to get angry. He hates it. And he was just waiting for me, practically spoiling for a fight."
She fell silent, her eyes still down on her hands, and Sam thought he'd never seen her look more exhausted than she did right then.
"C'mon," he said, standing and tossing his napkin onto the table.
"Where are we going?" April asked, looking up at him, her brow knitted very slightly.
"Living room. I'm sure there's a bad movie on TV tonight." He raised his eyebrows and April's face softened, her lips curving into the faintest of smiles as she stood to follow him from the room.
They found a 60-year-old comedy on one of the movie stations and were soon laughing together, removed from the stress of their own lives by the simplistically amusing antics of the actors on the screen.
April fell asleep at some point during the second movie, her head dropping gently onto Sam's shoulder. He looked down at her, startled, and for a moment was almost afraid to move. Her hair had fallen across her face again and he stared at it, thinking again about brushing it out of the way. His fingers actually grazed the soft strands before he stopped himself, sighing softly as he rolled his eyes toward the ceiling.
He shut the TV off and slowly stood, moving April so that she was lying down, careful not to wake her. He pulled the blanket from the back of the couch and spread it over her, making sure she was well covered before quietly stepping from the room, shutting off the lights as he moved into the dining room.
He cleared the table, setting the plates beside the sink to clean up later, not wanting the sound of the garbage disposal to wake April. He made sure the doors were locked, more out of habit than necessity, and checked the alarm, glancing at April's sleeping form on the couch before he headed up to his bedroom.
He prepared for bed, his thoughts drifting to April.
He remembered his annoyance when Harrison hired her, adamantly stating that he thought she was far too young for the job.
"She's barely out of college, Harrison, are you sure you're making the right decision?"
"Have you even talked to her? Read her articles? She's sharp, Sam. Give her a chance."
He'd been stubborn though and hadn't wanted to give her a chance, had effectively ignored her for weeks, speaking to her only when he had to. He didn't think anybody that young could have the experience necessary for the job she'd been hired for, and he didn't think she'd last very long.
It wasn't until she laughed at one of his jokes during a meeting that he really took notice of her. Nobody ever laughed at his jokes because nobody ever got the obscure references and he stared at her as she quickly stifled her laughter, her cheeks reddening as she covered her mouth with her hand.
He quoted Yeats during an impromptu meeting in Harrison's office one morning and was surprised when she finished the quote for him, smiling shyly and admitting he was one of her favorite poets. He raised his eyebrows at her, ignoring Harrison's knowing grin, and she quickly turned her eyes back to her notes, incorrectly assuming he was annoyed by her.
He soon found himself listening closely and without reservation as she gained confidence to speak up more in meetings, to disagree with the opinions of the men around her, without making it seem like she was overstepping her bounds and without making the person she was disagreeing with feel foolish.
He had a brief moment of panic that first December when he drew her name for the Secret Santa Penny had insisted they have, unsure at first of what he could possibly get for her.
She was clearly surprised when she unwrapped the book of poetry he'd bought for her, but her smile was bright and genuine as she thanked him. He felt relief and a surprising sense of satisfaction that he'd managed to pick something she liked.
He'd been surprised to learn through the White House grape vine that April had no family: a father who skipped out when she was a teenager, a mother she hadn't seen in years, and no siblings to speak of. It was something he could relate to, though the circumstances were different. His own parents died during the plague years, when he was 23, almost the same age April was when they first met.
Over the years he found himself wishing he had the sort of relationship with her that Harrison and Nathan did; they seemed almost like family, what with April and Penny becoming fast friends, and it was just a few years later that she started dating Simon.
He thought back on the relationships of those around him, like Harrison and Amanda, who had gotten married right out of high school and who had stayed just as much in love with each other right up until the day she died. He thought of the way Emily and Nathan had loved each other, how Emily stayed with Nathan through all of his problems and how good their relationship became in the months just before she died.
Sometimes he caught Harrison looking sadly at the picture of Amanda on his desk or Nathan staring contemplatively at the sobriety coin he kept in his pocket, and felt a small sense of relief that he'd never gotten married, if only because it meant he never had to live through the pain of losing someone like that. But the older he got, the more he found he was envious of those relationships. He'd had nobody to experience life with, had no children to carry on his name, had nobody to grow old with.
He'd watched Penny and Evan get married, had seen how happy they had been, and had wished for just a moment that he knew how that happiness felt. Though they were fighting at the moment, he knew April and Simon loved each other. Simon was so much like Nathan when it came to his emotions, but Sam knew he'd come through for April eventually.
Sam stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and thought about April asleep on the couch in the living room, thought about how he wanted her to be happy and allowed himself to wonder, if only for just a minute, if she could ever be happy with him.